13th Doctor x reader (3rd book)

Flashback

Warning: references to abuse

You were all sat in the library, the whole lot of you just sat there, not talking, in silence. Anyone could tell that the atmosphere was much more deflated and depressed than usual. Everyone's posture was much more down and everyone's faces held sadness or just the more...down expressions.

You were sat in front of the fire, with your back practically to everyone else as you sat slightly cross legged with your arms around your legs. You were staring at the logs of wood on fire crackling away in front of you in the fireplace. Your eyes followed every move of the flames as they danced. The warmth was comforting, though your face showed anything but that. It was just a plain, unreadable expression. And you were starting to feel that emptiness inside too.

No one was speaking. You were all sat there, the doctor and Yaz on one of the purple sofas, Graham and Ryan day on some chairs while Missy was on the floor too, only around a meter away from you, leaning against the sofa with a dead look on her face. She was refusing to look at you or even in your general direction, instead opting for the complete opposite direction. It was hard sitting so near to her yet no be able to speak or hug her.

You felt so guilty, especially with being so close to her, and all the events playing in your head. You kept your eyes on the crack long fire, feeling the numbness start to take over. You just...didn't feel anything inside. It was one big empty void.

The doctor cleared her throat, finally breaking the silence. No one really paid much attention to her though. You were all stuck in your own depressed heads.

"I think we've all done enough moping about. It's clear none of us are handling this well. You've all been confined to your rooms" the doctor spoke up "we need to talk about what happened that day" she said quietly.

You didn't really listen to her. You really didn't want to be here. You didn't want to talk about it. You were trying to forget. And you feared that speaking about it out loud will mean you'll have to face it all over again. As if the flashbacks and nightmares weren't enough.

"After we were all struck by the glow from that creature...I'm assuming the same thing happened to you all too. I...saw my memories. Like...I was reliving them all over again" the doctor took a shaky breath "not just any memories...the bad ones..." she swallowed, clenching her slightly shaky hands into fists "d..did that..happen to you all...?"

You didn't answer her. You remained as still as a statue, staring at the orange and magenta flames. They all looked so free. Moving about strangely and wafting about.

"Yeah" Graham was the one to reply.

Ryan and Yaz hummed quietly in agreement. You and Missy didn't respond and the doctor looked at you both.

"Missy? (Y/n)?" She called putting quietly.

Neither of you responded and you wrapped your arms around your legs tighter. But you forced that voice of yours out somehow.

"I don't want to talk about it" it came out as barely a whisper, your eyes still fixed on the fire.

"I second that" Missy quickly added.

Your heart clenched even at hearing Missy's voice again. She sounded so down...so upset. And you couldn't help but think it was because of you. Of course it was, all of it was your fault.

"Just yes or no. Did you see the bad memories of your past or something else?" The doctor said quietly.

You didn't react for a while until you bobbed your head up and down slowly, your eyes fixed on the flames. You felt your mind wander and slowly slip out of the current situation.

-

"I'm sick of everything! Of everyone!" Your father shouted right after your mother's screams went silent.

You were grabbing onto Alice, your heart rate accelerating as you realised what just happened. Your mother had probably just been knocked out. You still had bruises on your back from when he last hit you.

You could hear you fathers screaming getting louder and wilder in anger and he sounded like he was going in a rage. You started to hear his footsteps getting louder as he climbed the stairs and closer to your bedroom.

Alice let out a fearful cry, clinging onto you tighter in fear. You got her off you, feeling the fear start to rise.

"Hide Alice" you whispered.

She shook her head "I don't want you to get hurt again" she cried.

You shook your head "Alice, there's no time to ar-" you were cut off by the doors slamming wide open.

You felt Alice cling on to you tighter as you saw your father angered standing at the doorway.

"D...daddy..." you stuttered in fear, trying to hide the wobble in your voice, standing up so you were in front of your little sister "maybe you should take a seat..."

Before you could comprehend anything, you felt a strong punch to your face, causing you to topple to the ground. You heard Alice scream in fear and you groaned, holding your bruising cheek. You looked over and saw your father get onto his knees, wrapping his arms around your neck, causing your fear to spike as you tried to pry his hands away.

He squeezed with ferocity and you started to feel dizzy, not able to get any oxygen in. You could still hear your sisters screams as she watched the scene in front of her, but it started to dull down as your senses started to fade through the lack of oxygen. You felt a punch to the stomach and you squeezed your eyes shut as the blows kept coming.

Suddenly the pressure was released from your neck, causing you to cough violently and splitter everywhere as you tried to breathe properly.

"Stop screaming! I've got a damn headache!" You heard your father shout at Alice.

You rolled over, seeing tears spilling over Alice's cheeks as she pressed herself against the wall. Your eyes widened as you saw your father getting closer to her, his demeanour full of anger.

You tried to get up and stop him, falling back down in pain and still coughing for air. Right before you saw him throw a punch her way.

-

You flinched violently, blinking furiously as you realised where you were. On the TARDIS, in the library, with the others.

You watched the fires flicker as you tried to calm your heartbeat, trying not to think about the flashback you just had. You couldn't hear what anyone else was saying. You only felt like your heart was about to explode in your chest, a thin sheen of sweat covering your forehead as you breathed hard.

You were on the TARDIS. You kept telling yourself. You were on the TARDIS...