13th Doctor x reader (3rd book)

Dream

Warning: some anxiety here

You woke up with a gasp, instantly sitting up with a thin sheen of sweat over your forehead as you were starting to hyperventilate slightly. Your eyes darted around the room and your hears could only hear the noise of your own heartbeat going crazy. You were in a state of panic at the moment and you were so focused on the nightmare you just had that you didn't even realise where you were.

You didn't take it in at all. You weren't even fully awake yet. Your body was all on edge and in fear of that dream. Traumatised...that's what you were. By everything. Your heart was crazy.

"(Y/n)" you jumped at the sound of the voice, instinctively moving away from the direction of the sound in fear.

You really wished it wasn't so hard in here. You couldn't see a thing when all you needed was some reassurance of where you where. Of what was happening. And if you were safe... You were always afraid of not being safe. Because you never seemed to be truly safe anywhere. That was what you thought now anyways after everything you had been through. The world, the whole damn universe was out to get you!

Just then the lights quickly switched on, practically blinding you and making your eyes snap shut immediately. You moved your arm over your face, trying to block out some of the light so that you were able to actually see. If anything the blinding lights which all seemed to be shining upon you like some interrogation room, made you panic even more and scramble about.

"Just open your eyes you're okay" you recognised that voice.

It was the doctor. The sound and realisation that you were with her made you calm down. Not completely but enough for you to be able to open your eyes, blinking a little and trying to control your breathing. Though your heart was going wild and your chest was really hurting you at how much it was twisting.

You looked around and realisation of your surroundings seem to take place. You were at that palace, in India. And you were there with the whole TARDIS family. You weren't at home anymore. She brought you back. She came back...

You focused more clearly again, before realising that both the doctor and Missy were in the room. They were looking at you from the foot of the bed looking really concerned about you. You weren't surprised. You weren't exactly quiet when it came to your nightmares. Sometimes you even ended up screaming out.

"Doctor" you whispered, wiping your face a little of the sweat.

"You're okay" she tried to comfort you.

"Look it's only us" Missy told you, her Scottish accent almost immediately calming you down completely.

Your head was clearing up now and your heart was calming down, your chest not squeezing or twisting as painfully anymore. You could behave like a normal person again. Well...normal for you. You always had some problems in one way or another. And you hated it. 

"You just had a bad dream it's okay" the doctor told you.

"Yeah.." you breathed, swiping your forehead.

You swallowed a little though when thinking about the nightmare you just had. That dream...your dreams always felt so real. It was as though you were immersed in your own dream, like your mind was working against you. You were a purposeful target.

"It's okay now" the doctor started to walk towards you and your heart rate immediately started to spike again at that, causing you to scramble back so your back was pressed up against the headboard.

"Stop!" You said quickly, backing away as much as you could from her, your panic starting to rise "Don't touch me"

The doctor immediately paused at that and Missy quickly pulled the doctor away from you, seeing that you were on the verge of having a panic attack and you were pressing up against the wall as hard as you could, as though you would magically break through it and be able to run away. You placed a hand on your chest, trying to take deep breaths which came out choked and struggled.

"She isn't comfortable with contact anymore. Not with anyone else" Missy quickly told the doctor.

The doctor looked at you with those soft hazel eyes, almost in confusion but also in sadness and sorrow. She sighed a little, watching as you tried to control yourself. The nightmare..and now this. It was too much to handle first thing. It wasn't even light outside yet.

"It's back to square one huh" the doctor said softly, her eyes looking really sorrowful "what happened? We were making so much progress..."

"Nothing" you whispered before running a hand through your hair "I just don't want to be touched.." you told her, afraid that someone would hurt you. Everyone who came close to you hurt you...so you didn't let anyone close ever again.

"You won't let me even hold your hand?" The doctor asked.

"Clearly not" Missy said "look maybe it's best if you leave..."

"Wait a second" the doctor responded, before looking at you with a sigh, holding out her hand.

You practically crawled away even further in fear when she did that, whimpering a little and keeping your eyes on her hand.

"Just hold my hand" she said softly "you've done this before it's okay. You know I won't hurt you"

You shook your head, refusing to do what she said. You couldn't pluck up the courage. You didn't even have the courage inside you. You wanted to run away and hide that's all you wanted. You couldn't do it. You couldn't hold her hand. Just the thought of making contact again had your heart racing at a dangerous level.

"Okay, that's enough" Missy said, pulling the doctor back "she doesn't want to do this"

"It's okay" the doctor said calmly.

"No it's not" you whispered "I don't want to be screaming in the middle of the night in a strangers house because I can't hold your hand" you whispered shouted at her.

The doctor sighed a little at that before Missy urged her to leave, and give you some space to finally be able to breathe.