13th Doctor x reader (3rd book)

Talk

Warning: talks of abuse and death

You stared at the fireplace, calming down after that flashback. They weren't usually that long. Though they were always that detailed. It was as though you could still feel his hands around your throat. Or hear Alice's screams. And your heart was still squeezing and your stomach churning as you replayed the moment she was hit in your head.

That was the first day she was hit. You didn't even know what made him so angry most of the time. You'd seen him get angrier and angrier though. And you couldn't do anything about it.

You felt a responsibility to protect Alice and you failed her that day. It wasn't the only time you'd failed her. Sometimes you'd be knocked out similarly to your mother. Or sometimes you couldn't move from pain. And sometimes you just weren't quick enough.

You tried everything to make sure he wouldn't touch her. But you couldn't do it all the time. Just like your poor mother had tried to protect her daughters. You could see her breaking down every time she saw new bruises on you both. You tried to hide the bruises from your mother. She didn't need the stress. She couldn't take more pain. It wasn't healthy for her. You made sure Alice was taken care of yourself and every time your mother asked if you were okay, you had to pretend, for her sake, that it was.

Of course she still found out sometimes. And it broke your heart to see her face when she did. You just tried to stay strong. And it felt like you were still doing the same to this day.

You didn't notice you were shaking slightly until you looked down at your tight fists. You unclenches your hands, seeing your fingers shake slightly as you turned over your palms, seeing the cuts from your nails bleeding lightly. You swallowed, looking down at your shaking hands, and that's all you did. You just stared at your hands. And you felt like it was getting colder, like you couldn't feel the heat from the crackling fire on your face anymore.

"JJ managed to stun that woman" the doctor was speaking to everyone, filling you in on everything that happened that day "apparently she was controlling some shocking device to make that creature to do what she wanted. JJ managed to get her restrained and we took the creature to a safe planet"

It was silent for a few moments, no one really listening. You certainly weren't. You were watching the blood pool in your hands and slowly start to dry up. Watching it made you realise a few things. How just watching the blood flow distracted you, and the slight pain and sting helped ease your mind. And how you should have used that shard of glass earlier...

The doctor sighed "I think we need to all talk about what we saw. Get it out in the open. And all of us help each other. Because being alone...i..it's not what we need right now.."

Ryan gulped "I'm with (y/n) on this one. I don't want to talk about it" he said quietly.

"We're all going to talk Ryan. You don't have to be specific but it's good to talk. Get it off your chest" the doctor said.

You wanted to scoff at that comment. You had so much on your chest. More than anyone else. You wanted nothing more than to tell them all about Jason. To finally just lift the burden of this secret off of you. But you couldn't.

"I saw when I had cancer" Graham spoke up, taking a deep breath "every horrible moment of it...it was like..I was reliving it all. All the pain and the stress and the fear. All the chemotherapy and radiotherapy. All the symptoms...all of it. But the worst part was the fear. The endless nights of crying.." he looked down, his eyes starting to water "and then...there was Grace's death..."

"I saw that" Ryan whispered quietly "not just her...I saw everything. The day I..saw my mum dead on the floor. Or..w..when my dad just ditched. Every time he let me down. Heck, he's let me down still. So much for that New Years promise he made...he hasn't even kept in contact...."