13th Doctor x reader (3rd book)

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You were laying with Missy, holding her closely. You still found it incredible that you were able to hold Missy with no problem at all. Not only was she able to hold your hand but you were able to hug her without panicking like crazy.

You sighed at that before looking up at the ceiling, placing a hand on your forehead before closing your eyes. You bit your lip, breathing shakily, trying not to fall apart or think about the dream you just had.

It was about..well everything really. You were back at 'home', with the doctor gone, the TARDIS to never come back for you. Back into the time and place of all those horrible memories.

Of course you were grieving in the dream. You were in real life right this second. Grieving for your lost child. That in itself was bad enough. You were practically hysteric in the dream. Which wasn't like you in real life though. In real life you laid in bed, not having the will to get up or do anything. Or even to carry on with life, feeling this horrible pain in your chest.

But in the dream you were practically screaming your lungs off at your loss. Wanting him back..just like you did right this second. You were allowed to. To behave like you were in your dream though. At least you should have been.

Though in your dream you weren't allowed to even grieve. The right was practically taken away from you. That was one of the similarities between reality and the dream.

Jason came while you were screaming. He looked...angry. Just like the way you remembered him being. Just like you remembered those eyes that scared you to the core. And of course, he came at you with his fists, landing blow after blow and bruise after bruise over your skin. It was just like real life. He always told you it was your fault you lost the child...You just couldn't bring yourself to believe what he was saying. Which was what made him even more angry.

"Hey" Missy's soft voice brought you back into the world, and you turned your head to look at her while she kept her arm around your torso, squeezing you a little "you okay?" She asked quietly.

You bit your lip at that before shaking your head. She sighed a little at that, looking really concerned and upset, while you returned your eyes back to the roof, trying desperately to keep in your sobs.

"I feel like...it's so heavy right here" you told her, patting your chest slowly, your voice sounding wobbly and chocked "it hurts.."

You couldn't manage to get anything else out before your voice cracked and you closed your eyes, shaking your head. Missy quickly pulled you into her body, hugging you tightly, letting her warmth surround and envelop you.

You managed to calm down a little when she gently hummed in your ear, softly shushing you. You couldn't help but hold onto her with shaky hands, closing your eyes tightly. It felt really hard to do anything right now. The grief was weighing you down so much that you couldn't even stand up. You couldn't even breathe. It hurt so much. Every second of every day.

"It's okay" she whispered softly "I'm here" Missy ran her fingers through your hair, helping you relax a little.

"I can't even hold anyone's hand anymore"'you cried out softly, feeling hurt all over.

"We're going to help you with that." Missy said softly, placing a hand in your cheek and making you look up at her, her blue eyes looking intently into your (e/c) orbs "I'm going to help you"

She leaned forward with that, pressing her lips up against yours, kissing you gently. You slowly kissed her back, sighing through your noise and moment by moment letting her heal your heart, the pain lessening and being replaced with love.

After a few moments she pulled away, looking at you before smiling softly. You smiled back before closing your eyes and snuggling up against her, burying your face under her chin and against her neck.

"What was the doctor doing in here?" You asked in a whisper, wanting to drop off to sleep right this moment.

"I asked her in here. I just wanted to talk to her about something" Missy replied, making you furrowed your brows a little.

"Talk about me?" You asked in a small mumble.

She sighed before shaking her head "no. About Allura's mother and father. It just seems a little strange that all of a sudden they can't have any time for her. Nothing seems to have changed in the village...so technically there shouldn't be any reason why they can't find time for their daughter. Like they used to. Something just..felt wrong. So I told the doctor about it, telling her everything we knew." She told you.

"Since when did you go to the doctor for that stuff" you smiled a little in amusement "from what I can remember you like to do things yourself, and the doctor's the last person you'll go to for help. You hate her" you said, all nuzzled you against her.

"I don't hate her I just...disagree with her on most things. And I wasn't asking for help I was just..you know, letting her know. Why would you prefer it if I erased her memory or something? Nah I'm not letting n the doctor try and do some investigating herself and probably end up getting us all killed in the process. That's the only reason I told her" Missy said confidently and with a smirk, a look of amusement and smugness across her face.

You couldn't help but giggle a little at that, feeling your chest lift a little and your mood lighten up. You really did miss being back with the others. With the doctor and the others. And of course, your beloved Missy. Your guardian angel.