Black Waves Part 2

Cabins and Snow

Remington slowly packs his suitcase, folding each piece of clothing perfectly before putting it in. He has a lump in his throat and his hands are shaking, scared for this adventure. 

I don't want to fuck this up. But I don't know how Andy is going to get me on a plane. I don't know how I'm even going to get into a car. But Andy has been so disappointed lately...fuck he's going to leave me. Find someone who isn't broken. Who can hug and kiss him and take care of his needs. Fuck!

Tears fall down his face and he bows his head, feeling embarrassed. Andy stops packing his suitcase and rushes to his side, not knowing what to do.

"Remi, Remi...what's going on? Why are you crying?"

Remington takes a leap of faith and places his hands on Andy's chest, slowly pushing his head down into him. Andy stays still, letting him set his own boundaries. 

"I'm not what I used to be," he sniffles. "I can't hug you randomly. I have to put so much fucking thought and courage to even touch you like this."

The knife is cutting him, slicing him.

He gasps and steps back, holding himself.

"You need someone who isn't fucked up Andy. Someone who can take care of you emotionally and physically. It's not me baby. Not anymore."

Andy grabs his hand, making Remington jump. He rubs it softly, feeling his husband shake in fear.

"You are going to heal. You will get back to some sort of calmness eventually. We will be able to touch each other again without you being scared. It's okay baby, even this, before you would scream. I know it makes you uncomfortable but you aren't forcing me off of you. It's baby steps."

Remington sniffles and nods, sadness still clouding him.

"What are you thinking about sweetheart?"

"I...I just want you to hold me..."

Andy moves closer to him, still rubbing his hand.

"Do you want me to try petal?"

Tears fall down his cheeks and he nods, scared but excited for what's to come. Andy steps closer, wrapping his arms gently against his lover. Tears continue to fall down and Remington is shaking horribly, but he rests his head on Andy's chest. 

"C...can you t...talk to me? Ab...bout anything..."

Andy smells his hair and starts to rub his back, smiling at being able to touch him. Remington gently lays his hands back on Andy's chest and closes his eyes, loving his soft yet firm chest.

"I rented a beautiful cabin in Denver, so we will be by ourselves but the people who run the resort can bring us whatever we want. It's got a fireplace, a jacuzzi, some arcade games, everything we will need. And if you do want to go outside, they do have skiing and really good chocolate shops we can go to."

"Tighter," he whispers.

Andy holds him tighter and tears fall from his cheeks.

God I've missed this so much.

"We will be gone for two weeks, that way you have a break in-between traveling. They make really good food there, and they have a massive soft bed that we can watch movies in. And no matter what, we don't have to do anything at all. If you have days where you want to lay down, then baby that's what we will do. Nothing is forced or planned. We will take it day by day."

Remington slowly steps back right before it all becomes too much. 

"I love you," he whispers.

"I love you too baby. Thank you for letting me hold you."