Black Waves Part 2

Breaks and Divorce

Remington's mouth is open but he can't think of anything to say that will make the situation any better. He sits still, looking at his husband. 

Is he crying? I've never really seen him cry like this before. Fuck it's because of me. I feel bad...but he literally did the same thing to me. I don't know what to do. Ashley or Andy? 

"Please, baby please, I can't lose you," Andy cries, sinking to his knees on the floor in front of his husband. He buries his head into Remington's lap and rubs his thighs roughly, needing some comfort. Remington gently rubs Andy's head and smiles at how soft his hair is, starting to miss pulling and grabbing it. 

Andy eventually quiets down and everything is silent. They both sit in the same position for what feels like an hour, not knowing what to do from here.

"Why?" Andy asks quietly, feeling Remington stop rubbing his head. He slowly gets on the bed and sits next to Remington. He grabs onto his hands and looks into his beautiful big brown eyes. "Please tell me why you fell out of love with me..."

Remington looks at his husband's red eyes and feels completely guilty. Fuck this isn't a fun feeling. Did Andy feel the same way after he cheated on me? What do I even say? I don't even know fully why I'm doing this.

"I never fell out of love Andy...I still love you."

"Bullshit Rem. You don't even look my direction anymore. We don't sleep in the same bed and we don't talk. You ignore me when I do try to talk or for us to do anything. Just please be fucking honest with me, I want to fix us." Andy is begging for anything at all. 

"I've been having a lot of anger since I overdosed," Remington whispers, looking down. "I overdosed because YOUR producer was threatening me about you. YOUR ex boyfriend mutilated me. YOUR producer raped me. YOUR producer drugged me. YOUR boyfriend tortured me and had me gang raped so many times and electrocuted. What did you even do to William to make him hate you so much? We weren't even together for barely a day when he took the chance and almost had me killed. He wants to fucking hurt you and is using me to do it. Is that fair to me? Hell fucking no! And your BOYFRIEND... if you would have stayed and loved me like a real husband would he wouldn't even be in the picture. You knew how crazy he was when you got back together with him. What made you think he wouldn't become jealous?"

Andy gulps and squeezes Remington's hands. "Baby, I never thought in a million years any of this would have happened to you. I'm sorry." He puts his head down and tears are flowing. "I didn't know you were that mad at me. But I get it. I deserve it. If I never stepped into your life you would have been fine. You would probably be thriving."

Remington looks up to see his sobbing husband. Andy releases his hands and slowly walks to the bathroom, not saying a word. Remington sits on the bed speechless. 

I thought I'd feel so much better finally telling him everything. But I feel so much worse. Fuck...

Andy steps out of the bathroom a few minutes later with a washed and dried face. He stands in front of Remington with his arms crossed over his chest, trying his best to stay strong.

"What do you want Remi?" 

Remington's mouth opens wide and he says nothing, not knowing what to say. He looks up at Andy and feels like he is drowning in his ocean blue eyes. God I love his eyes...

"Do you love him?"

"No." Remington says quietly.

"Do you want to be with him? Do you want to try?"

"I ...I don't know..."

Andy breathes in deep, trying to stay strong.

"I want you happy. God I really want you happy with me. I fucking worship you. But I can't make you stay if you aren't happy. I need you to be okay. Do you want to work things out with me? Let me prove to you my love and adoration? Or do you want a divorce, and I'll make sure to never ruin your life again..."

"I don't know what I want Ands. I feel suffocated..."

"Then why don't we take a break...you figure out what you want and need. And I promise you I will still be here. I will wait for you. And if in the end you don't choose me...it'll fucking kill me. But I won't make you do anything you are uncomfortable with. I'll make sure the divorce is smooth and painless. I'll give you everything. I won't make it uncomfortable for you at all."

Remington wipes a quick tear from his face and nods, looking down. The guilt is drowning him and he's scared...does he take a break and leave Andy for good? Does he try to see how it is with Ashley? Does he say fuck it and stay with Andy? 

"I think a break is the healthiest option," Remington whispers, wrapping his knees to his chest. Andy covers his eyes in one hand and nods, sobbing quietly.

"Andy...I'm sorry." He whimpers out.

"Can...can we at least do one thing before I leave?"

Remington looks up at him and Andy swears he will melt with his beautiful brown doe eyes.

"Can we make love, one last time, one last passionate love making? Where you actually want and need me, and want to be doing it with me?"

Guilt is shredding Remington to pieces because he knows how cold he acted the last few times they had sex. He literally laid there. No moaning, no trying to have an orgasm, he just laid there so Andy can get some entertainment.

He nods quickly, accepting Andy's embrace.