Black Waves Part 2

Love and Holidays

Christmas Day arrives and Andy slept out on the couch, again. He has been falling deeper into his own depression and anxieties. He loves his husband but is scared that he still isn't enough for him. It bothers him so much that he can't sleep next to the man. Worthless.

Andy feels a little bit of weight on his hips and he groans out loud, rubbing his eyes roughly. His hair is messy from all the tossing and turning on the damn uncomfortable thing.

"Our bed is much softer you know."

Andy opens his eyes to see his husband sitting on his hips, sipping on a cup of hot tea. His beige sweater is huge on him and falling off his shoulder while his tight white joggers aren't that tight on him anymore. Everything is loose but he looks so beautiful with an equal amount of bed head.

He scoots off his husband and hands him another mug of tea.

"Made it my way. With lots of milk and sugar."

Andy chuckles and takes a sip, gently sitting up.

"It always tastes better when you make it you know."

"Well duh because you don't add anything to yours!"

Andy smiles at Remington, one of those sincere "I'm in love with you" smiles. Something he hasn't done in a while. 

Remington clears his throat and puts his mug down by their sad little Christmas tree on the coffee table. He never decorated the house but felt bad by not doing anything so he got a small table topper. 

"You are leaving in a week huh." His voice crackles and he clears his throat again.

"Yup " Andy sighs, twirling his finger on the rim of his cup.

The depression in his eyes are so noticeable even a stranger could see it. He's never been a good liar. His blue eyes aren't so bright anymore. The guilt has been eating Remington alive.

Remington reaches on the table and grabs a cookie from the plate. He nibbles slowly, feeling guilty that not only is his husband not happy but that he wants to go throw up the cookie afterwards.

"Why don't you take the bed tonight? You need a good few sleeps before you are back in bunks."

Andy looks up quickly at him. 

"I've just been having anxiety that's all. I don't know if I can sleep in our room right now."

"Oh..." Remington says quietly.

Andy sets his cup down and grabs the glucose meter, pressing it onto Remington's finger. He flinches but Andy is used to it all by now. He scrapes the blood onto the test and inserts it into the meter, setting it back down on the table to process.

"Hey, um, Andy?" Remington asks quietly, dreading both asking and receiving an answer.

"Hm?"

"D..do you still want to be with me?" He bites his bottom lip and plays with his fingers, anxiety filling his core.

Andy furrows his eyebrows at his husband, shocked at the question.

"I've been telling you I love you Rem."

"Yeah but I'm not asking if you still love me. I'm asking if you still want to be with me."

"Aren't they the same?"

"N...no Andy the..they aren't."

Andy rolls his eyes and stands up.

"I don't have time for this. I need to go pack and get ready for tour."

 He storms off into their bedroom, slamming their door shut. Remington wipes the tears that are running from his eyes, feeling heart broken. What could he even do to fix this? Isn't this all his fault anyways? 

He slowly stands up and puts the two mugs in the sink, washing them carefully. He lays them on the drying rack and goes back into the living room and picks up his glucose meter. 62. That's still too low. This will just made Andy more pissed.

Remington sighs, sitting back down on the couch. He can't do anything right. He can't bring his own sugar up and he can't make his own husband happy. What's the point in trying anymore? Andy is about to leave for tour anyways. He's going to realize how happy they are being separated. 

He closes his eyes and snuggles into the pillow, that smells just like Andy.