Fluffy Phan One-Shots

Suicide

Trigger Warning: harmful words, talk of suicide
*Phils point of view*

I muttered something along the lines of, "Oh go and kill yourself." I know, stupid thing to say. Why did I say it? Dan and I were in a fight. One worse than we'd ever been in. What it was about? I honestly couldn't tell you.

I looked up at Dan, he had a hurt look on his face. I mean, who wouldn't? I did just tell him to go kill himself. He quickly turned around and I heard his bedroom door slam shut.

I huffed and walked to my bedroom, something I should've never done. I should've went straight to Dan's room. After about an hour of debating wether I should, I knocked on Dans door.
"Dan.. can I come in?" I asked. "Dan?" I asked again surprised when I didn't hear a response.
I opened the door.

I frowned, the light was on, but Dan was nowhere to be seen. His bed was made and there was a piece of paper laying on it. I walked to it picking it up.
Dear Phil,
                  I love you, but apparently you don't love me. I've decided to listen to your advice, I'm going to jump at the same place I was going to many years ago.
                                       Sincerely,
                                                         Dan

I could feel my throat instantly tighten. This couldn't be real, I thought to myself.
"Dan!" I called out, walking around our flat. I was hoping this was some sort of sick prank. "Dan?" I yelled, but this time, I knew he wasn't there.

I picked up my phone and called him, instantly getting in the car.  His phone immediately went to voicemail. I could feel my tears coming down fast. I couldn't believe it, Dan was going to kill himself, and it would be all my fault.

I could care less I was speeding down the road, or the fact that I wasn't wearing shoes. I didn't even care that I was barely breathing right now. All I could do was gasp for air as I called Dan over and over and over again. Each time the call would end.

I started to wonder, what if he already did it? What if the phone hung up because he was already gone? What was I going to do?

I started to imagine driving home and walking into the flat. There would be no Dan laying on the couch only getting up to give me a kiss. There would be no Dan to have an existential crisis, and no one would come to me and talk all about their problems. There would be no ones cereal to eat. There would be no more fan fiction or fan art. There would be no more Dan and Phil shop. There would be no more Dan and Phil.

I would no longer be able to make videos, oh my god, what about his channel? And the gaming channel? There was so many people he was keeping alive, what are they going to do when a person they loved so much was dead? What am I going to do when the person I love so much.. is dead? Because of me.

I sped faster, I was almost there, I could see the building up ahead. It was the same building he almost jumped off of in 2012. I stopped him before he could. It was an abandoned hotel, we would sit at the rooftop and gaze the stars. I don't know how or why we found it, we kind of just... did.

Dan always said that if he killed himself he'd want to jump. Then he'd see views up above while he was dying, and it'd be a quick and painless death. When he almost jumped, he said that was the best place to do it. It was a place no one really knew about, no witnesses.

I jumped quickly out the car, pushed through the door and sprinted up the steps of the hotel. I already lost one best friend, I wasn't about to lose another.

I sprinted up nine flights of steps and wasn't even tired. I was on a mission, my adrenaline rushed through my veins.

I got to the top and looked around. My breathing was heavy and my tears were threatening to fall. I looked around and I didn't see him, I didn't need to look at the edge. There was a note, I walked to it. It was Dans handwriting, You're too late.

My chest and throat tightened, my knees felt like jello, I fell to the ground.
"No!" I cried. I couldn't stop the tears from falling. I could hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears. "Why?!" I cried, hugging my arms. I wish I told him I didn't mean it.

I couldn't believe he actually did it. I couldn't believe myself, I was the the reason. He committed suicide because of me. It felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest. I could feel my tears freeze on my cheeks from the cold air around me.

Then, I heard a voice behind me, the voice was all too familiar.
"I knew you didn't want me dead." I immediately turned around. Sitting in a lawn chair with a blanket and a smug smile on his face, was Dan. I couldn't say anything, all I could do is gasp for air.

He got up and walked over by me, he held out his hand. I didn't take it and jumped up. I started to punch him in the chest.
"You jerk!" I cried out. I was more mad then I've ever been. How dare he?! Then I started to think about him really killing himself. I wrapped my arms around him and cried into the shoulder.

"Sh, it's ok, I'm fine." He whispered kissing me in the forehead. I listened to his steady heartbeat, something I've never been more happy to hear. I breathed in the smell of home, the smell of him.
"I thought you died." I whispered.
"I know, it was fake, it was all fake." He said pulling away.
"I'm sorry.. I didn't mean it." I said wiping away my tears.
"I know you didn't, otherwise you would have came." He gave me a soft smile.
"What if I hadn't?" I asked quietly. He paused for a moment.
"I don't know, all that matters is that you did." He said looking into my eyes.

This time instead of a hug, I leaned in for a kiss. I smiled into the kiss, more happy than I've ever been. He pulled away and grabbed the blankett on his chair. He laid it out in the floor.
"Want to gaze up at the stars?" He asked quietly. I smiled, it's something he hadn't done since 2011.
"Sure.. I'd love to." I smiled.