Fluffy Phan One-Shots

Ended With A Crash Pt. 2

*Phil's point of view*

Waking up at 3AM and realizing your own husband doesn't remember you, that's hard.
Realizing that you have to make a video at 3AM explaining why your own husband doesn't remember you, that's about ten times worse.

Most times I'll set up my camera, excited for the video I was about to make. This time I forced myself to set it up. I sat at the edge of my bed, I took about three deep breaths and looked at the camera.

"Hey guys! Today it will be a.. different kind of video." I bit my lip, how should I even start? How are they going to react to this?
"I'll start by saying that there won't be as many updates on Dan and I's YouTube channels for a while. Umm... a few nights ago Dan was walking home from a store and well..." I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I wiped them on my shirt and carried on. "He got hit a car. He's fine but... he woke up with amnesia and can't remember a lot of things.. YouTube happens to be one of them." I didn't have the heart to tell them that he didn't remember me. Even if I did, I don't think I'd be able to say it. Thinking it has been hard enough. "Hopefully he'll regain his memory and we can continue..." I trailed off, the tears were there again.
I wiped them off again.

"I hope that'll happen as much as you do.. but we'll just have to see." And with that, I couldn't continue. I knew this would be a short video, but I can't talk about it without breaking down. And if I kept going, the fans would breakdown too.

After I made the video I edited it. I edited out all the parts I'd been crying in, I didn't want to show them how out of control the situation was. I looked at the clock, 6AM. I knew there wasn't any way to fall asleep now. Usually if I was this restless Dan would pull me in and I'd fall asleep no problem, but I know that was a thing of the past.

Of course though, you're never really awake at 6 AM. A lot of times your eyes and brain are begging you to sleep, but you just... can't. You feel like a zombie as you walk into the kitchen and grab a snack or a drink out of the fridge. You're body doesn't process this, it just.. does it.

At 6 AM you think about life. Hell, you even think about death. If you're in the situation I'm in, you start to wonder, do I want death? Then you start to think about that person. You know the one, that person that's on your mind all the time, sometimes it's the one that's one your mind at the worst times. You start to go through tens of hundreds of thousands of memories you have with this person.
Or... had.

I spent about a month doing that. Not sleeping, going to the fridge, outside, the living room to watch Tv- anything to distract myself from the fact that, there was no longer a Dan to sleep with.

In the mornings it was always the same. Dan would wake up, we'd eat breakfast in sort of silence, and then we'd watch Tv, sit on our laptops, or our phones- anything to distract ourselves from the fact that there was nothing between us.

Of course, all my feelings for Dan stayed the same. I still spent every waking second wishing that he'd remember me. I wanted him to wake up one morning and wonder why the hell we weren't in the same bed. Something I've wondered every night.
But he didn't.

For the past month I feel like I fell down a deep hole. Most times- if I ever do fall in this hole- Dan has a rope and pulls me out. Now it's like he's teasing me. I feel like he has this magical rope that'll save me, but every time I'm about to grab it, he pulls it out of reach. He taunts me with laughter I want to love, tears me apart with insults that he doesn't know kill me. Would I ever get out of this hell hole?

It wasn't until he sat me down face to face that realization finally settled in.
"Phil I... I feel like I should go." He whispered as he looked into my eyes.
"Go?" Was all I managed to get out.
"Yeah, to my mums, or maybe Louise's. I just feel like this isn't working out." He bit his lip and his brown eyes shone. The same eyes I use to stare into all day and all night long. Eyes I used to get lost in.
"You're right." I nodded, it was the truth too.

It was planned the next day. Dan was moving back in with his mum for a while, or at least, until he could get back in his feet. There wasn't much to move out, Dan said none of the stuff felt like his anyway.

That morning I threw up, I felt sick to the stomach.
My husband was leaving me.
Not because we were breaking up, but because he didn't even know we'd been married.

I cried so much I don't even think there were any more tears in me. I called Louise, who started to bawl. She couldn't believe this is how we were ending.
I couldn't either.

I met Dan in the living room and said goodbye for the last time.