🏎️Callum Ilott - Guardian Angel (Ft. Anthoine Hubert)

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I still find it so hard to believe that we lost Anthoine a year ago. None of this feels real and there isn't a day that goes by where I do not think of him. This piece that I have written was requested and I hope it was up to standard. I want to also take this opportunity to thank you all for the support so far. I appreciate each and every one of you that vote, comment, request and read my book so thank you all so, so much. So without further a do, enjoy reading x

I held my breath in my car when my engineer told me through the radio that Antoine had been in a crash. At that moment, every memory I'd ever had with him ran through my mind. He was the reason I drove, he was the reason I didn't give up. When everyone told me I wouldn't be able to make it because I was a girl, he urged me on. I made my way back to the puts and watched on, horrified at how bad the crash actually was. The car was barely recognisable, it didn't even look like his car anymore. My Team-mate and boyfriend Callum walked up and threw his helmet at his feet. "Is he okay?" He asks. "I don't know. No one is saying anything." Callum wraps his arm around my shoulder as I try my best to keep my tears in. I raise my head slightly as a call quite clearly came back to my engineer and he shook his head sadly. He turned to me with a saddened look in his eyes and a pitiful aura. Just by looking at him, I knew to expect the worse. I turn away from Callum and run away from my pit area and straight to Anthoine and Tatiana's with my crew calling after me.

"Give me the headset! Give me the headset please!" I screamed in desperate need to at least hear him. Callum was quick behind me and tried to pull me away. "Jess, you need to come back to the team." Callum said in the softest voice he could. "No! Callum! Let go of me! If you were my team-mate and my friend you would let me go!" I stopped trying to pull away and let my shoulders move in sync with my sobs. "Please." I whisper. Callum nods and allows me to go over and speak into the headset. "Anthoine! Anthoine please answer! Please!" Nothing. "Anthoine!" Still nothing. The sobs escape me with my final time calling for him. I feel as though a weight was perched onto my shoulders as my legs grew weak making me fall to the ground. There I sat in the middle of the pit lane shaking and quivering with sobs tumbling from her lips. Pierre, Charles, Alex and all of the younger drivers come out to hold me. "It's okay. He'll pull through. He probably didn't answer because the radio was broken or something." Pierre said trying his best to hold himself together. I held onto that little glimmer of hope that we all still had left because as it stood, it wasn't looking too good.

"And now a moment silence for Antoine Hubert." One week since we lost Anthoine. I rested my head on my mother's shoulder. My eyes were fresh out of tears but knowing me, I'd be ready to cry in the next few minutes. It still didn't feel real that he was gone, that he wouldn't be sitting beside me watching his friends race in formula one, that I wouldn't see him at the dinner table. Nothing. All those memories washes away with the only vivid memory left being him in the hospital bed with the heart monitor in a constant beep, taunting and teasing at my heartstrings as our final confirmation that he would never awaken or say our names again.

The moment silence passed and everyone went to their cars for final preparations of the race. I am about to get into my car when I spot Callum walking over in my direction. "Hey." Callum mumbled. "How are you feeling?" I had my helmet on so they were focusing mainly on my eyes meaning I couldn't cry or they would drag me out of that car knowing Anthoines wouldn't want his little sister crying. "I don't know. I feel like a part of me is missing honestly. It doesn't feel real." Callum engulfs me in a hug and I let out a few shaky breaths in his embrace. "Go and race for him today just like we are. He will be proud no matter where you finish. Just know that." Callum said as I left his arms. I nod and turn to get into my car, giving them a little salute as a parting goodbye.

The engine starts and away our cars go. It seemed normal enough until I reached the sight of the crash. It looked as though nothing had happened and it felt like my brother was still racing against me, when in fact he wasn't. He was watching from above, shouting at me to get a move on. "Just remember what Callum said. For Antoine." I repeat over and over until they don't sound like words anymore. Minutes pass and I'm on the final two laps. "Okay Jess. Overtake was successful. That's P2 now. Head down and win it for him." My foot was on the throttle so hard, it wouldn't go down anymore. I'm pretty sure if I pushed that pedal harder the floor would have broken. I came up to the race leader, Nobuharu Matsushita and then the realisation hit me. Even if I do win, even if I do get this podium, Antoine won't be there. My eyes welled with tears by the thought but fought through it all, ending the race with my first ever formula 2 race win in Monza.

"And its Jess Hubert who wins the Monza Formula 2 Sprint Race. Her first ever formula 2 win and undoubtly for her brother Anthoine whom we sadly lost last week in Spa." The commentator screamed. The tears poured down my eyes damping my baleclava. I had done it. "Jess, you've done it. Well done. Very good job. That was for him, that was for Antoine." The voice of my radio engineer rung through my ears as the tears just kept on coming. "Okay Jess, Into parc fermé nice and steady." I park the car and get out, no particular excitement going on. I bend down onto my hunker and let the crying continue for a little while until I had no choice but to get up. "That was for you Antoine. It will always be for you." I whisper, hoping and praying that my words would somehow reach him. I feel a pair of arms around me and look up to see Callum's helmet. "He would be so proud of you." I let out a shaky breath to prepare a thank you but he stopped me before I could get the chance. "You don't need to speak. Talk when you're ready, it's the same with the journalists too. If you don't want them to talk, I'll do the talking. Alright?" I nod my head slowly and wlak to my team to thank them for their hard work to get me this far.

"Jess, could we have a word?" an Interviewer asked. Callum was sipping on a bottle of water nearby and was ready to step in when I put a stop to it by agreeing. "That was a beautiful drive by you and what a way to get your first ever win here in Monza. What does this mean to you?" The microphone pans over to me. "Obviously very tough times with recent events but I've pulled through and won. This race, this drive, this win, its all for Anthoine. Its been a long time coming but I got there in the end. I just know if Antoine were still here, he would be the first person to congratulate me and that doesn't seem like too bad a thought right now."

"Thank you Jess." I walk away from the interview and straight to the cool down room before the podium. Callum stops me from going nay further by grabbing a hold of my hand
I turn to look at him with furrowed eyebrows. "I didn't say this before but I love you and Anthoine loves and I know for a fact he would have been os proud." I let a soft smile creep onto my lips as I listen to his words. He leans in and places a small kiss onto my nose. "I love you too." I whisper but of course, the moment had to be cut short by being called to the podium. "Now go, you can't be late for your own podium." I chuckle and walk away up to the cool down room. I take a drink of water and just about wrap my head around the fact that I had just won my first race. "Well done. That was a great drive." I look up and see Nobuharu with his hand out. "Thanks. You too. You really gave me a run for my money." He chuckles at my answer. "How are you?" I shrug my shoulders. "I have such mixed emotions. I'm happy of course but I feel incomplete because Anthoine isn't here." I let out a tear less sigh for the first time in the past week. "I just really miss him." The other two drivers sit beside me and comfort me to the best of their abilities, which worked but then the podium came and that's when things became blurry.

My eyes became a pinkish colour as I stood at the very top of the podium. There's no way I'm going to let another tear fall from my eye- oh there we go. The tears came once again. The beautiful melody of the French anthem played loudly in the background, mixing perfectly with the sound of the people down below clapping asI take my helmet off and smile up to the heavens as the rays of sunshine make their way down onto the earth, now knowing he was watching over me as my guardian angel.

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