My Diary

Entry 118

August 11, 2021
10:53 P.M.
Wednesday

Hey...long time no see. So I wanna be clear...I don't think I'll be coming back here permanently. It's just I have a lot on my mind and I need somewhere to vent it, you know? So what's going on in my life? Well, a lot, haha. Just so you know, I still am a waitress and I can say with certainty I am doing well better than when I last posted here. I ended up transferring stores since, as you guys know, the one I was at stopped scheduling me and giving me hours. So I ended up going to the one my mom works at and let me say, it's so much better here. The job makes so much more sense and the people are a lot nicer and patient with me. So that's nice. So yeah, I'd like to say I'm a decent waitress at least now. So I currently work the night shift, which is 9 P.M. to 7 A.M., so yeah, 10 hours. A pretty long shift. But that's okay. At least I only work 4 nights a week because that's 40 hours so I'm off 3 days a week. So yeah, I'm trying to think on the bright side here. I don't have a license still sadly, but I'm lucky to have such kind coworkers who'll give me rides when I need one so thank goodness for that. I've also made some friends too. And I'm not going to lie, but I'm feeling a bit scared to share this because of that one guy who's still harassing me...I know this will most likely set him off...but oh well. Here goes nothing. *sighs deeply* I got a boyfriend. Yep. That's right. A guy is actually going out with me. He's one of the cooks I work with. And I really like him...he's really sweet and caring. Whenever I'm just really depressed, he always listens to me...which makes me feel special for once. And he doesn't talk down on me or treat me like I'm a lunatic when I talk about my depression or suicidal thoughts, he actually comforts me...and it's really nice. He can always tell when I'm upset when I walk into work and he always asks me if I'm okay and stuff...like he really cares about me and it's nice. I don't know how else to describe it, haha. And every time he hugs me and holds me in his arms, I just get this warm, fuzzy feeling and my heart beats so fast... I feel so flustered just talking about this! But yeah, I have a boyfriend now because somehow a guy is interested in me. So I wanted to state that.

So here's the part I really wanted to vent. So y'all remember Sonny, right? Of course y'all do. He's the piece of shit my mom married. So...he kicked her out of the house. Yep, that happened and it's not the first time it had. So my mom is currently living in her car right now. But luckily, she is actually officially done with this asshole once and for all! My mom decided she must leave Florida and start anew. So she called my grandma earlier tonight and was talking to her and got my aunt's number (my mom's sister) and my aunt said she can move in with her in New Mexico. My mom asked me if I wanted to come along, but I told her I couldn't for many reasons. She completely understood though. She asked if I'd be okay and I just told her if this is what you think is the right choice for you, go for it. But I'm not going to lie, I'm feeling a lot of anxiety and feeling really depressed because this'd be the first time in my life I'm going to be away from my mom...like I'm going to have no one after she leaves. I did text my boyfriend earlier tonight about this, just asking him to never leave me and he reassured me he'll always be there for me. So that's nice. Not going to lie, if I lose him, I'm going to fall apart, haha, since my mom is going away. But my mom told me she's really glad I have him in my life and I'm glad she's once and for all finally leaving Sonny's ass for sure. So yeah, that's what's going on in the life of Zoe. I'll probably fill in on some more stuff later, but I wanted to get this little thing off my chest since this whole thing is really anxiety inducing for me. But thank you for listening. See y'all soon possibly.