My Diary

Entry 60

October 10, 2019
3:30 P.M.
Thursday

Yay, more yelling from my mom. So I got into the car when she picked me up from school. She was on her phone and I jokingly said "You in phone land?" But of course, I should of known better than to joke with my mom because she decided to take the joke seriously and she was like "I've been waiting here for like 20 minutes" and blah, blah blah. And I just said "It was a fucking joke. And you know it." But no, my mom was in an apparent bad mood for some reason so I of course asked her what was wrong. My grandma (mom's side) is giving my mom and I some money. That's not the issue. Money is great. What she's all pissy about is how my grandma basically said that she's a shitty mother and that she neglects me. And I hate to be that person, but...you really do neglect me, mom. Like there are days she doesn't even say hi to me. It's fucking depressing. Of course, my mom would never be like "You know what? You're right. I haven't been the best mother for Zoe. I ignore her on a regular basis and make her feel like shit when we do speak. Not only that, I moved in the piece of shit I call a boyfriend into the apartment when I promised Zoe I wouldn't. Maybe I should apologize or try better for now on." No. None of that. My mom decides to cuss out my grandma and blame everything on me. It's my fault our life is such shit, because I'm apparently an ungrateful, spiteful bitch. Yes. She told me that she told my grandma that I'm an ungrateful, spiteful bitch. Like I just can't believe the nerves this woman has. Like apparently I'm ungrateful because I have her pick me up from school everyday. Like seriously? What? Am I supposed to fucking walk home? Take a jog? And it's not like I can take a bus because I don't have a 7th period and the buses arrive after 7th. And you know what? If you've taught me how to fucking drive already, maybe I can get myself home. But no. You can't do that. You rather go out and get drunk at the bar instead of spending any quality time with me. And it's not like I want to spend time with her anymore anyway. I gave up. And people are always like "You can't give up on her", but like what? Am I supposed to wait for her to magically change one day? I'm gonna be blunt. If you sit there, waiting for someone to "change", you're a fucking moron. "Cause guess what? They're most likely never going to change. Not saying change is impossible, but you can't hold on to someone who is toxic in your life for that reason. You have to let them go and maybe when they realize what they lost without you, then maybe they'll change for the better. But you can't sit there and wait for someone to change. That's just what I personally believe. Anyway, back to shifting problems onto Zoe for no reason. She decided to mention a time back in middle school that I was being ungrateful because I didn't like the Christmas gift she gave me. Okay, for one, lots of kids are like ungrateful like that. Especially Americans. That doesn't mean I've changed. Because just so you know, I now for one despise gifts. Don't ever give me a gift for anything because I will hate it. Doesn't mean I'm not appreciative, it's just how I am. But if someone does give me a gift, I'll take in consideration that they took the time to give me a gift. It's the thought that counts so I'll of course will say thanks. Secondly, this moment of ungratefulness was back in fucking middle school. At least 4 fucking years ago because I'm in my final year of highschool right now. And like I've said earlier, I'm not a child anymore. I'm an adult. I'm grateful if someone does give me a gift (Even if I don't want it). But no, I'm still some ungrateful, spiteful bitch somehow. More like shifting the blame onto me because you don't want to admit your fucking issues. And she knows how I feel about her parenting because I tell her constantly how neglected I feel. Honestly, the way she treats me, if the law saw it, I bet I would of been taken from her. Because neglect is a form of abuse, you know. But no. My mom's just this outstanding parent. She doesn't neglect me. No way. All my negative emotions are all MY fault, not hers because I'm an ungrateful, spiteful bitch. Fuck you, Mommy. I'm serious.