My Diary

Entry 88

May 29, 2020
3:34 A.M.
Friday

My mom is so frustrating, man. So here was my day. Apparently, my grandma sent me money through Walmart so I had to go there with her because she sent it in my name. That already annoyed me because I hate being in public more than anything. I don't know how to explain it, but I get so anxious in public to the point that I feel like I'm about to pass out. I know I should really work on not being so scared and nervous in public, but yeah, you get my point. I hate going into public but I was forced to since my grandma decided to send me money. So we were at Walmart and the lady there first thought I was a child, which is annoying because I'm not a child. I'm 19! I'm constantly told "You'll appreciate looking young when you're older" and I'm sure I will, but it is annoying when people don't take her seriously because they think you're a kid. Oh well. That's what I get for being short and tiny. Anyway, so I read the number thingy to the lady and then the lady tells me that apparently the cash was already taken out. Of course, I was just like "Excuse me, what?" so my mom and I decided to call my grandma to explain the situation to her. I called my grandma and asked her to reread the number to me to see if I made a mistake. My grandma told me "Hold on, I need to find my papers" and oh my god, she was searching for literally like half an hour. She kept us on hold for so long that we had people behind us in line go before us. My mom got super pissed because this is wasting our time and understandably so, but she literally kept taking the phone from my hands and kept yelling and cussing at my grandma to find the papers already. I hated this because we are out here in public, so everyone is just staring at us because of my mom literally screaming and cussing at my grandma. I even told her to calm down because honestly, I'm feeling embarrassed by this. Also, Grandma is almost 80 years old. She's going to be a little slow to react. She's old. Old people are like that! It frustrated me too because again, I HATE being in public, but god, my mom needs to learn anger management and know how to control her emotions. But eventually, we got the whole situation fixed. My grandma accidentally gave me the number that was for my aunt and not me so that's why the money was already taken out. I got the right number, I got my money. Okay, done. But here's something about my mom. Once she's pissed off about something, she takes her anger out on anyone, which is so fucking annoying because I'm not the one who pissed you off. You're not mad at me, so don't give me attitude. You know? While we were waiting for my grandma to find the number, I suggested we could go buy dinner for the night or something so that we're not completely wasting our time. So she asked me what I want and I told her I don't care because I'm not in the mood for anything really and this pissed her off. She's all like "You never know what you want! Blah, blah, blah" and like, I'm sorry. It's a very difficult question to answer when you aren't really hungry and you're not in the mood for anything in particular. I was just trying to find a way to kill time while my grandma looked for the number so we're not completely wasting our time at Walmart. But because my mom takes her anger out on anyone who fucking speaks to her, she starts screaming and cussing me out in the middle of the store. She wonders why I never want to go anywhere with her. This is why. If one little thing ticks her off, I'm stuck being the rod that takes in all the lightning because for some reason, she doesn't know how to control her anger. Bitch needs to learn anger management because I'm sick and tired of being yelled and cussed at for shit I didn't even do. When I was younger, like elementary school, I had trouble controlling my anger too. But guess what? Unlike my mom, I actually learned to manage and control it, especially when I'm in public so it just pisses me off even more because if I can learn to control it, she can too. You get what I mean? I doubt I'm making any sense but what  I'm trying to say is I'm sick and tired of this shit.

Oh wait, here's this one. Fuck face Sonny is trying to hook me up with some guy I don't know. It sounds nice on the surface, sure, but not when you hear the context. So apparently this guy's girlfriend is currently in college so Sonny wants to help him "relieve some stress" while she's out in college. So basically, he's trying to whore me out to this random guy and be his side chick. Um, I don't fucking think so. One, I don't know this guy. Don't know what he looks like or what he's like as a person, shit I even forgot his name. Secondly, I'm extremely hard to get. I'm not going to open my legs out to every guy in my life like all these other girls do. I'm not stupid. You have to fucking impress me. There's a reason I'm 19 and a virgin still. Besides, does this guy even know who I am or what I look like? I bet if he did, he definitely wouldn't want to fuck me. And again, I'M NOT GOING TO BE SOME RANDOM GUY'S SIDE HOE. Hell fucking no. Can't believe Sonny is trying to whore me out like this. You know what? I can believe it. This guy just looks at women like they're just tools for sex. Just ugh! Can't people just leave me alone!?