My Diary

Entry 139

September 27, 2022
12:51 P.M.
Tuesday

Hey y'all. I don't think it's been too long since I last posted. So what's going on with me? Nothing different really. I'm still working my waitressing job, I still live with my grandparents...though I finally got an appointment made for my driver's test on October 5 so hopefully I'll be able to pass it. Like I know I can drive, but I'm afraid of being a nervous wreck and messing up because I know my anxiety will be through the roof. Hell, the thought of it is giving me anxiety right now. My granny also gave me information on a dentist she hears is good because my teeth are beyond fucked up and an appointment is needed. I got two really bad cavities that give me bad toothaches, plus I got a wisdom tooth coming in and it hurts like a bitch! Not to mention, I think my gum is infected around there which certainly doesn't help. So probably tomorrow or Thursday, I'll call and make an appointment. We'll see. I'm working tonight so I got to get a nap in before I work or I will die, especially since the cook I'm working with sucks...well, I'm supposed to be getting moved to second shift once I get my driver's license so that's the only thing really keeping me going right now. Just moving off nights will be fantastic because that means I can have a normal sleep schedule again...and I don't gotta be working with a crap cook every time the other cook is off because we currently don't have a second overnight cook. So if you like to know, the last overnight cook we had just walked out one night, left his uniform and never returned. The next overnight cook we had seemed promising at first but in the end, that didn't turn out okay either. He spent most of the night outside in his truck smoking weed. Not only that, he all of a sudden didn't wanna work with this person and this person and this person...eventually, it was like well, you don't wanna work with the entire night shift so??? His wife works first shift and they don't want couples working together so he can't work first shift and he refuses to work second shift because of all the kids on second shift, which I understand. So when is he gonna work you know? So he kept calling out basically every night he worked and eventually, he up and basically quit. My boss had to cover one of his nights once so I got stuck working with my boss which was weird. It felt so weird...I never work with him because he works first shift so it felt wrong...it wasn't bad though. We talked about anime literally half the night and he was nice enough to give me a ride back and forth. But still felt weird. But anyway, that's the tea so we currently only have one overnight cook so his nights off are the worse. We're constantly stuck with cooks from other stores who are absolute crap. They can't cook, they don't do any of their side work, etc. It's like no wonder the other stores are going down the drain if these are the cooks running it...and apparently one of the other stores closed down for maintenance so everyone at that store is looking for hours so we got this one cook working on the night shift and like I said, he sucks. He literally spends 90% of the shift on his phone. He'll start something but then go on his phone for like half an hour and not finish what he started. Not to mention because he's always glued to his phone, he doesn't ever listen whenever I call orders so I have to repeat myself like five times. And then he's still glued to his phone while cooking the order! I about snapped at him the other night because he about burned food left and right due to just being glued to his damn phone. I had to restrain myself from yelling at him yesterday morning because he had the nerve to tell me I need to learn how to call orders. Um, no bitch, you need to learn how to get off your damn phone and listen. This is a fucking job, not a playground. It's ridiculous. And I'm stuck with this guy tonight...like I'm honestly really tempted to call out just because I don't wanna work with this fool...I'm so tired of getting stuck with incompetent idiots. Is it hard to have at least one decent person working? I hate my job so fucking much, but I don't know where else I could go...

Anyway, enough about how the incompetence of my dumb job. What's going on in my personal life? Nada. Nothing important at least. I literally sleep all day and work all night. That's my daily routine...and it makes me so miserable. So I'm not sure if I've explained this in the past but my mom is no longer with the guy she was with last so she's living with a friend of hers. And of course, she's back to her old habits again. Drinking all the time, sleeping around, etc. And ever since I turned 21, she won't stop bugging me to go out drinking with her. I don't like alcohol. I hate alcohol. I hate the taste and I hate what it does to people. I'm not interested in drinking whatsoever. But she doesn't seem to understand that. I will drink one drink just to shut her up and that's it. Alcohol disgusts me so much and I hate being surrounded by it. I was surrounded by it my whole childhood, I'd rather stay away. Hell, last night I just got a soda to drink and my mom was all like "lame" but I don't care. Not to mention, I hate the feeling of being drunk. It makes you so disoriented and you just feel sick...like why do alcoholics enjoy this?? I'd rather be high on weed than drunk. Not that I regularly smoke weed, I don't but you get my point. Also I don't know if this is set in stone yet but my mom's friend she's living with is apparently moving to Maine in November. She's under the belief that my mom will be going with her but my mom keeps saying she's not sure. But she keeps talking about it like she is going...and I have nothing but mixed feelings about it. As a mother, she's absolute garbage but if she goes then who the fuck am I going to have? My grandparents who don't ever talk to me or even notice my presence?? It's not like I got my dad...I literally will have no one. My mom's friend just expects me to come with them but she doesn't get it...I can't. I can't just pack up and run away. It's not that simple. God...why don't people understand that anymore? My dad just expected me to pack up and run away last second with him too...what am I going to do if my mom decides to go with her? I'm an adult, I need to make my own path which I'm aware of but I'm not sure how to do that and what path to even take. Hell, I've only tolerated my job for so long because I literally have no idea what to do with myself. I'm just so lost as a person. How do I motivate myself to keep going...? Anyway, like I said, I'm unfortunately working tonight so I guess I'll shut up and sleep now so I won't be sleep deprived at the very least.