My Diary

Entry 74

March 4, 2020
4:20 A.M.
Wednesday

Ha, I started typing this at 4:20. It's okay, I hate myself as much as you hate me, haha. But in all seriousness, I am now well rested since I spent the rest of the day sleeping. I woke up around 2 and tried to go back to sleep, but I couldn't and since I have to get up at 6 for school, I feel it's a waste of time trying to sleep now. So I thought this is the perfect time to fully expand about my feelings here. So, like I said last entry, Sonny decided to be a drunk asshole once again Monday night. This certain event happened a long time ago, but what happened is that my mom has a friend named Kara and one night, Sonny apparently tried to fuck her and she told my mom about it and obviously, my mom got pissed off about it. This led to another one of those fights, but I'm pretty sure this happened before I started writing in this so I just never mentioned it. Now I don't know the context, but it was brought up again Monday night and they started fighting over it. Now what's funny is Sonny trying to justify his behavior, saying he fought with himself for hours to try not to fuck Kara since his dick got hard, and um...this is very awkward to type out. I hate it. Why did I have to overhear this bullshit? Like he said Kara made the moves on him, but my argument is that he should of told her to leave if he was so loyal to my mom. You don't just sit there and do whatever. That's what I would of done. At the time, Kara lived across the street from us so it's not like she couldn't go home. And I can understand cheating and being sincerely sorry about it, but the fact he's still trying to justify attempting to cheat on my mom shows he's not sorry about it. He doesn't care. But that's not a shock, is it? But I tried to stay out the fight because for some reason, Sonny always get super pissed when I just ask them to talk about their problems like rational adults. But no, they just have to scream at each other. Now I was quiet until I heard something break, which told me Sonny was going to start getting violent again and at this point, I'm not going to just sit there. My mom could get seriously hurt. So I ran down the stairs and was just like "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?" because seriously, what the fuck? He knocked the shelf holding all the movies down and all I gotta say is that he's lucky that the fucking shelf didn't knock the TV down and broke that too because he knocked it down towards the TV. Anyway, he also broke something else in the kitchen, but I didn't see what it was because of the angle I was at in the living room. My mom got mad at him for knocking the shelf over in front of me and he's just like "She wasn't down here. She was upstairs." YEAH, LIKE THAT MAKES IT BETTER. Idiot. He also called me a cunt while talking about me and my mom got mad about it, where he then said "I didn't call your daughter a cunt". Um...what? Like I heard everything he said, comparing me to his son and saying, "Unlike you daughter, my son's not gonna be a cunt" and yadda yadda. That's literally calling me a cunt. Sure, he didn't directly said "Your daughter's a cunt" but the phrasing of the sentence  implies that he's calling me a cunt. Like is he too stupid to understand proper grammar? And yesterday morning around 6:30ish, I came downstairs because obviously, I was going to walk my dog then go to school. But for some reason, this pissed Sonny off and he was like "THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS" or whatever he said. I couldn't tell. He was mumbling. And I just said "I'm going to school. And to go to school, I have to go through the front door, which is downstairs so I have to walk downstairs. My bad." I don't mean the "my bad" part, but still, seriously? It's 6:30 in the morning. Why else would I be coming downstairs with my backpack on? Also, even if I wasn't going to school, I fucking live here and I don't need his permission to leave my room and come downstairs. I'm a grown adult too, you know. I guess he forgets that. Sure, I look like I'm 12, but he knows I'm almost 19 so he needs to stop talking down on me like I'm 10. God, it pisses me off so much. Also, even if I was like 10, I STILL WOULDN'T NEED HIS PERMISSION TO WALK DOWNSTAIRS. I'm so agitated! He doesn't fucking own me. He may be able to make my mom obey his every command, but not me. Fuck that guy. GOD, WHY IS HE STILL AROUND? He literally got my mom arrested. If someone got me arrested, I would of immediately cut off contact. Like geez, my mom's stupid. Honestly, he would of been gone the first time he decided to act like a violent asshole. Especially around my kids. Hell no. How I wish life could just be so much smoother. Jesus Christ. Also, I guess he forgets we live in an apartment now. Guess he doesn't realize the neighbors are overhearing this bullshit too. So he's not only distracting me, but everyone around us because he doesn't know how to be a rational adult. I hate my life.