My Diary

Entry 132

January 23, 2022
2:30 P.M.
Sunday

Well, I work tonight and I gotta sleep so I'll try to explain this bullshit as simple as possible. So apparently, a couple of days ago, my mom got a call from Sonny in jail. Apparently, he beat the shit out of a roommate who was staying with him. Thankfully, my mom basically told him to fuck off; they're in the process of getting a divorce, she doesn't understand why he's even trying to ask her for help. And even the other night, the jail called my mom about Sonny and she said she immediately declined the call so thank God. She better not help him or I'm really just going to be done with her. I'm not even kidding this time. Well anyway, the wife of the roommate beat the shit out of showed up at my job last night. She was already there by the time I arrived and as soon as I walked past her, she just said "I am friends with your mother. I need to talk to you about what happened with Sonny." I just told her I already know everything that happened since my mom got a call from Sonny and the jail. She was all asking when she got the calls exactly, which I wasn't too sure so I just said I don't know. And apparently, the other night when I was off, she and her husband came in, looking to talk to me or my mom but my coworkers just told them we weren't currently working and that they don't need to be bringing their drama to our workplace. Which I agree with. Anyway, last night, the lady left shortly afterwards but she ended up returning with her husband and you can see how fucked up he is. For one, he's limping with a cane and also, half of his face is just swollen. He told me that half his skull is sprained and two of his ribs are fractured. Not only that, his hearing was impaired in one ear. Apparently, the whole ordeal was over two dollars. Yes...two dollars. Sonny beat the living shit out of this guy for TWO FUCKING DOLLARS. But yeah, they were just talking about how horrible it is living with Sonny and all I could say is "Trust me, I know." There's a reason I started hiding in my room all day. To hide from Sonny. I'm safe in my room. I think that's why I feel uncomfortable to leave my room ever to this day, even though I'm not living with him anymore. I just feel exposed and unsafe if I'm not in my room. My safe spot. I hope I'm making sense...but the lady was going on about how she and her husband bought all the food and how she always did all the cooking and her husband is the one who worked and Sonny doesn't work (he's jobless for some reason, I forgot the reason) but he wouldn't help do any of the cleaning even though he was home all day. Which doesn't shock me because before he send Lady out on the streets, he went days without feeding her despite the fact he's at home all day. But yeah, she was going on how she would do all the dishes before going to bed and then she'll wake up to the sink just full again which after awhile, started infuriating her. Which I totally get. If he's going to fill the sink with dishes at night, he should at least do them before going to bed instead of making her do all of it. I mean when it was me, him, and my mom living together, guess who did all the dishes? My mom. I would at least rinse out of my dishes so she wouldn't need to be scrubbing them unlike him...the lady was also going on about how he wouldn't ever take out the trash in the house and the roaches came because of that. As she's just going on and on, I'm just like "Trust me, I know." I even said there was a reason I stopped living with my mom: Sonny. If y'all have been reading my diary here long enough then you should know back in highschool, I was constantly going back and forth from living with my mom to living with grandparents because of Sonny. I eventually just decided to stay with my grandparents because at least I know I will keep a roof over my head with them unlike with my mom because she and I were constantly getting kicked out because of Sonny. Anyway, when I told them Sonny was the reason I couldn't stay with my mom, the lady was just like "Really? What did he do?" And I'm just like girl, look at what he did to your husband. Do I need to say more? I'm not staying in a toxic environment like that anymore. I'm done. Honestly, those experiences have made me so emotionally numb. I'm literally dead inside and I just don't care about anything or anyone anymore. I'm just so apathetic now. I wonder if people think I'm a cold person. I don't know. My grandparents believe I'm this out of control lunatic so probably. To continue, wanna hear something shocking? Sonny's got a girlfriend. Yep. Well, had, since apparently she's done with him after this all happened. All I know about her is that she's some methhead, which doesn't shock me at all. But yeah, the lady was going about how he was very abusive to her and even had her in a chokehold once and I'm just like "Ah, that seems familiar... -_-" So good to know Sonny's just a piece of shit to all women in his life. But apparently when Sonny got arrested, he initially told his girlfriend a different story than what happened and she ended up cussing the guy out. But after she learned the truth, she called back and apologized for everything, which honestly tells me a lot about her character. She sounds like a good person at heart. But I don't know her or what she even looks like so don't take my word for it. My mom said when Sonny first called her, she was just like "Why don't you go call your girlfriend?" Haha, well said there. Anyway, all I can say about all this is of what I know, no one cares to bail him out. Not my mom, not his girlfriend, not even his own son...so hopefully time behind bars will help make him realize his faults or something. I don't know. It'd just be sad for him to hurt more people in the future...but apparently, he'll be in for like 25 years if he's not bailed so hopefully he stays and rots there. That's all I can say. Just want to live not ever hearing his name ever again. Just want him to be permanently gone forever. Anyway, before I move on to a lighter topic...remember how like a month ago I think it was when my mom was detained and arrested after her new boyfriend beat her? So apparently the reason she got arrested was because she violated the restraining order she and Sonny have. So even though I straight out told her to not go to Sonny's...she fucking went to Sonny's. Why this woman doesn't ever listen to me, I don't know...I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut for now on because everything I say to her goes in one ear and out the next. See, I thought it was probably like domestic violence or battery related to her boyfriend but nope. I didn't know details because she just kept telling me details don't matter even though it does...I definitely see why she wasn't telling me details. To hide the fact she went to Sonny's after the whole ordeal. How sad...here, I thought our relationship was improved over the last couple months but now, it seems like it hasn't... she's still hiding shit from me. Which means she doesn't trust me...that's how I see it at least, I don't know... all I can say is I've given up at her. After all, even after that whole ordeal, she got back with her boyfriend...I'm done trying to help her or fix her or get away from her bad boyfriend because she'll just end up with another asshole the next week. I still love her, she's my mother...but if she wants to go ruin her life, she can do that. She's not my problem and I need to stop acting like she is. She's a grown adult so she can make her own decisions. I'll be there for her but all I can do is tell her I told you so.

Anyway, let's get on a more positive message to end this. So I'm planning to get a place with my friend Mariah and her godmom. Apparently they have to be out their place by March but everything is so expensive nowadays, I told her that I'll move in with them at a new place and we can split bills between the three of us as we all have jobs. Mariah doesn't drive but her godmom does and since we both work at the same place, a reliable ride is simple for us. But Mariah told me she would let me know if they find a place. Just the thought of this is getting me excited. I can get away from my overbearing grandparents. I can be my own person again. I don't have to constantly be walking on eggshells with every word I speak and every action I commit. And just so you know, I know I've been saying this for awhile, but I am for sure working on driving. My mom's taken me out a couple times in the past couple weeks and my boyfriend said he'll take me out for driving too so hopefully between driving with the two of them, I can hopefully have my drivers license soon because not having to worry about a ride to and from work will be a huge weight off my shoulder. My grandparents wanted me to have a license by the end of the month and it's already almost February so...oh well. I'm gonna have to listen to them bitch again. Hopefully by the end of February but I can't promise that...but I do hope I can find a place with Mariah. I think I'd be a bit happier not living in an environment where I'm not under constant pressure and stress.