My Diary

Entry 61

October 24, 2019
11:44 P.M.
Thursday

Okay, in all honesty, what the fuck is wrong with people? So that one subscriber I ranted about in the past briefly came back. He started commented on my YouTube videos again, which I could give a less of a damn about, but the part where it got crazy is when he started messaging me here, on Wattpad, to read his story. I like to think I'm a nice person so I went and read the story anyway. It was obvious that the main character was me and the character's mom's boyfriend was Sonny. His name was fucking Scottie. Real "clever" change there. From reading it, I don't think he understands my life completely at all, which is fine because y'all only know what I tell you. But like now I have friends abandoning me at movies to hookup with their significant others and um...that has never happened to me. I don't know if this guy was trying to have this character's life as shitty as possible or something, maybe that was the reason, but it was supposed to be 100% based on me...I've never had friends abandon me at movies. Like for one, that requires me to leave the house first. Secondly, I have been to the movies with some friends like twice before and I was never abandoned so...I don't know. Now after this part is where this guy's story made me a little annoyed. So apparently, my protagonist from my story, The Cyanide Butcher, is in his story. Yes, serial killer highschool teacher Grizelda Murphy somehow made a presence in the story. And obviously since she got her huge ending scene, she's going to be a big part of the story. I know some of y'all have never read my story, The Cyanide Butcher, which is fine, but long story short, the story is about this highschool teacher named Grizelda Murphy who seems like a nice and lovely lady but she is in reality a serial killer. Police find the bodies of her victims and dub the serial killer as "The Cyanide Butcher" and the whole story is just going to be a cat-and-mouse chase with Grizelda and the police. Now I'm not done with The Cyanide Butcher yet just so you know. Anyway, I'm not annoyed particularly with the fact my character made an appearance in this guy's story rather than it just made no sense. I could understand a cameo or something, but no. She had a whole scene to herself. In the second chapter, the main character (who is obviously me) has a friend who abandoned her at the movies to have sex with this guy and then he killed her during sex and...I don't know. If you read the story, it just makes no sense to me. The first chapter was basically the main character getting shitted on, so the second chapter having this whole sex scene with her friend and then her getting murdered really just went from 0-100. You get what I'm saying? Like I know I'm not an author and all, but that honestly just confused me. The guy kept messaging me if I read it while I was reading it, which was annoying, but I told him I read it. So just reading the first chapter was okay. I mentioned that he put my character in his story and he was like "You're mad, aren't you?" or something like that and I told him I wasn't because in all honesty, I was just annoyed. Like this guy basically asked if he could use Grizelda in the story AFTER he already put her in the story. Like dude, there's no point in asking anymore. You already put her in. I think it's more disrespectful that you asked after you put her in. But whatever. For some reason, he keeps asking to write a spin off to The Cyanide Butcher and it's like NO. I do not want a spin off of my story written by someone else. These are my characters, so I know them best. If I want a spin off, I'll do that later. Secondly, I'm not even done with The Cyanide Butcher yet. I'm not going to say who to avoid spoilers, but just know that at the end of the story, some of the characters you know now are going to die. I don't need someone writing a spin off about my unfinished story full of characters who are going to die. You get me? To be honest, I'm surprised he even asked to write a spin off since he didn't even ask to put Grizelda into his story. But okay. So reading the second chapter, I brought up the random shift of this poor girl getting shitted on to her friend getting murdered during sex. So this guy tells me this story is supposed to be in the same universe as The Cyanide Butcher and is supposed to be full of bloody murder and sex and suspense and stuff like the Cyanide Butcher. Okay...once again not asking permission for shit. The same universe as The Cyanide Butcher? Like what the fuck? I know he said he would delete it if I didn't like it, it's just the matter of fact that he doesn't ask permission. You get me? Secondly, of course The Cyanide Butcher is full of murder and suspense. Our protagonist is a fucking serial killer. Also, there aren't sex scenes in my story, lol. Like I write just enough so the reader knows the characters had sex before I switch to a different scene because this ain't 50 Shades of Grey. The sex isn't the biggest part of the story. But whatever. I'm not going to judge if there are sex scenes in the story. You do you. Again, I don't understand the shift of a troubled 18 year old girl to a fucking murder mystery. I'm literally so confused. Maybe Miss Struggles is going to play a huge role in the murder mystery since it was her friend who got murdered, I don't know, but it just didn't make sense to me. This guy said he wrote the story because I inspired him and he wanted to impress me. Look, I'm glad I inspired you. I am. But don't try to impress me now. Because the way this guy kept calling me "beautiful" and blah, blah, blah seemed like some real ass kissing. Zoe does not like ass kissing. Also, he fucking called my stories "amateur". Look, I don't think my stories are like the shit or anything because they're certainly not but how the hell is he going to say my stories inspired him when they're "amateur" at best. It makes no sense. You can't say my stories are basically just sucky and then say they inspired you. I don't get it. And I've talked about this guy before so you know that for some weird reason, he's obsessed with my depressed ass. There's nothing exciting about me at all. I'm not funny, I'm not rich, like I just don't understand. I'm the bland person on the planet. And he's like "I talk about you all the time to my friends" and blah, blah, blah, "but I'm not obsessed". Just read my last entries on this guy and you'll know this is nothing but some delusional person. Not trying to be mean, but he's sincerely delusional if he thinks he's not obsessed. But this guy kept messaging me like he knows me and understands me, but he doesn't. He tells me that I'm not the only person with a tough life and that he has a tough life too but like...I never said I'm the only person with a tough life. In fact, I've said so several times throughout this whole diary that I know I'm not alone dealing with utter bullshit. But that doesn't change how I feel. And that's the thing about depression I want to touch on real quick. It's about how the person feels on the inside, not their environment on the outside. A person can have a seemingly perfect life and still be depressed while a person whose life someone would consider terrible could be happier. It's about the inside, not the outside and anyone who is depressed should not be taken lightly compared to someone else who is depressed because they have a seemingly loving family and all that. I hope you get what I'm saying. The point I'm trying to make is you can't ever fully understand someone else. You can't read their minds so don't act like you understand them. And that's what this guy is doing with me. Acting like he understands me when we have never even met. Like it's ridiculous. And he's trying to send me motivation and shit and I know he's trying to be helpful but just stop. You don't know me. But of course, he takes it as insults and tells me that "everything pisses me off" when that's not true. I'm easily pissed off, but not everything pisses me off. I had another guy tell me that too by the way. That "everything pisses me off" and that "I don't care about anything". If I didn't care about anything, I wouldn't have started this diary in the first place. I would of just shrugged everything off. I obviously do care because I am a human being with emotions. But wait, it gets better. He compares me to his ex-girlfriends that have abused him in the past. Are you fucking serious? You think calling me an abuser is going to get me on your good side? You are a fucking moron if you think that. Look, my intentions are not to treat people like shit, but I will stand my ground when I need to. And to be honest, if ALL this guy's exes "abused" him, it's probably him who is the problem and not them. Just saying. So I told him goodbye for good because talking to guy is like talking to Sonny. He is just that toxic to me. So the last thing he sent me was that I disgust him and absolutely reprehensible. And word from word he said "just because no one likes you, including your parents, doesn't mean you have to be a hideous angry cunt in return". Really? "Just because no one likes you, including your parents?" You know, he did this last time too. Using my personal life struggles against me just to be a complete incompetent dick. There was no need to bring my parents' lack of care for me because you're mad that I told you that I don't want any motivation for you. You call me a hideous cunt, then you should look in the mirror because that was completely unnecessary. You said that to hurt me. And congratulations, you succeeded. Oh, and the last thing he said was "Have a good death, special ed." "Have a good death, special ed?" Are you fucking serious? That is the most fucked up thing anyone has ever said to me. Is he telling me to kill myself, because if so, I'll happily do so. Because no matter what I say, people will hate me. Also, "special ed", what a nice touch to end it with. That hit me personally because I am a special needs student. I know I've never mentioned this before because it wasn't important, but yeah, I do have a learning disability. I am mentally disabled. I know he didn't know that, but calling someone "special ed" as an insult is absolutely disgusting behavior. And he says I'm fucking disturbed? Really? You just called every mentally disabled person a hideous cunt. Thanks for using my mental disabilities as an insult. Fuck you. DON'T EVER TRY TO TALK TO ME AGAIN. Because knowing him, he'll be back in a week trying to apologize. Sorry. I didn't even forgive you in the first place. I was just trying to be nice. But no more nice Zoe. I'm done.