My Diary

Entry 81

May 7, 2020
Thursday
12:29 A.M.

God, you will not believe the night I had. I've never hated myself more than I do now. So remember how my older brother said he'll be coming by the end of the week? Ha, no. He just had to come TODAY. Well, I guess technically yesterday since it's after midnight, but you get what I mean. And guess what he does as soon as he gets here? He forces me to clean my room. I told him I felt uncomfortable with him watching, but no. Clean the room. And I was at it for HOURS. Like as I'm typing this, he just left. And he arrived here around 4:30ish in the afternoon. Like are you fucking serious? And he was so bossy and basically just degraded me the entire time, calling me disgusting and all that because of the condition of my room. And I will admit, it was bad but he didn't have to be such a dick about it. And my mom comes home and tells me to stop bitching and whining because she's tired of constantly hearing it. At this point, I've been stuck, forced to clean my room for like 3 hours at this point and I'm fucking exhausted. I've been up since 4:30 in the morning. Don't ask why I woke up so early. I don't know either. And you bet I'm going to sleep as soon as I finish typing this up. Anyway, at this point, I'm just fed up of my older brother's bullshit, especially since he won't even let my dog in the damn room (who is like my literal child) and my mom just comes home telling me of MY bullshit. I just fucking exploded. She's tired of my "bitching and moaning" she says, so I yelled "Well, I tired of yours and Sonny's constant arguing but you don't seem to care so shut the fuck up!" Which was bad of me to say. My brother decides to degrade me even more, to the point I'm literally crying because I feel like a pathetic waste of space. I mean I always do, but it's definitely worsen. Anyway, overall, I'm a disgusting waste of space who should rot and I'm a terrible human being. I hope I just get a heart attack out of nowhere or something so I can die already. I'm done.