My Diary

Entry 130

December 23, 2021
12:32 P.M.
Thursday

Man, I have to work tomorrow and Christmas...that sucks...so happy holidays to everyone! I'll give you an early Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it! Anyway, I had a wild day yesterday...and this all started because my dumbass decided to eat breakfast. At breakfast, like he always does, my older brother started interrogating me. And like he always does, he has to make unnecessary comments towards me, such as insulting my appearance, like making comments on my hair and weight and how I dress...not to mention, he always texts his friends and our family members, basically making fun of me. At one point, I was just sick of it. I understand that he wants me to be independent and all, but insulting me and making fun of me with others is just rude. Like he's laughing at me and stuff. That's not helping me at all. That's just making me feel very insecure about myself and just like shit. So I eventually snapped at him, telling him that all the little comments he's making is just unnecessary, such as commenting on my hair, my weight, and my fashion sense, telling him that was hurting my feelings. But he doesn't apologize and say "Oh, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm sorry" or anything like that, no. No, I'm just a little baby who gets butthurt too easily. And then he goes on being like "You aren't going to talk down on me like I'm trash", like he hasn't been doing the exact same thing to me??? Like I mentioned how one time, he told me I dress like a hobo and he's like " Oh yeah? When? When did I say that?" like I remember the exact time he said that or I have a recording of it. He loves to preach that our dad refuses to admit he his faults, but he's the same way. Looks like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. But whatever. I just shut up eventually because I knew arguing with him wasn't going to get us anywhere. He's all like "No, you listen to me", even though he doesn't listen to what I have to say. He's so hypocritical. Despite this argument, we somehow ended up spending the day together. It wasn't the worse experience, but it could of been better. Little things like him cutting me off while I was speaking was starting to frustrate me after awhile. But it was okay. At one point, he did ask how my boyfriend got interested in me, like the thought of a guy being interested in me was shocking or something. I don't know, it was weird. And then at one point, he asked why I have had sex with my boyfriend before and I was just like " Because I care about him???" Like what did he expect me to say? Like no, I am not our mother who has sex with every guy who flings his penis at her. But then my brother was all like "Oh, I was talking to Granddaddy the other day and he was talking about how he knew you'd had sex, but was worried I was pressured into doing it by coworkers or our mother", which honestly was really insulting in my opinion. I know my granddaddy thinks I work at a trashy place with trash people, but that's just ridiculous. Like I can make my own decisions. I don't just do whatever other people tell me to do. Like the first time my boyfriend got touchy feely with me, I straight out told him I wasn't ready yet. Like I can say no. It's just that I'm not this little girl going around doing things because people told me to. Hell, I never had a single coworker who was telling me I should have sex with my boyfriend. Before we started dating, they were telling us we should date because everyone could see we like each other, but it wasn't like " Oh, you should fuck him". You get what I mean? Just really insulting that my granddaddy thinks of my coworkers this way. Like I know I complain about their work ethic sometimes, but as human beings, they're decent people. I wish he would stop talking about them like they're criminals or something. Like most of them give me rides to and from work when I need one. Not only that, they refuse gas money from me despite gas prices going up. They're nice people for the most part. Just ugh. Anyway, I still hate my life and everyone in it. But I hope you guys have wonderful holidays!