My Diary

Entry 141

November 4, 2022
1:46 P.M.
Friday

I don't understand why my mom has got to be such a bitch. But that's nothing surprising, is it? In the three years I've been writing in this, she has not changed one bit. She likes to tell herself she has, but she hasn't. I'm glad to not be living with her and her bs anymore. So yesterday, I worked second shift from 2pm-9pm. My mom wanted to go out drinking with me afterwards (which is so annoying, by the way. Ever since I turned 21, that's all she ever wants to do with me is go out drinking. It's like I'm an excuse for her to go to the bar or something. Plus, I HATE alcohol). Anyway, I just said "We can". So after I got off, we went to the bar and she decided to drink more than she knows she can handle. Not to mention, she was at the bar drinking before she picked me up from work. So she's clearly drunk. So she's all like "You wanna stay at my place tonight?" Um, hell no. Especially with all the drama going on with her roommate's granddaughter, definitely not. Also, I'm extremely uncomfortable at other people's houses. Not to mention, I got clean work clothes at home. So I told her no and she's all like "Oh my God, how are you going to get home?" And I just told her I'll drive myself home. I'm not drunk. I had one drink. I was fine. But then she was all like "Well, how am I going to get home?" And I just told her "Sounds like a personal problem". That's when she got all bitchy and was all like "Okay, fine. You don't care about me." No, I do. But you are the one who made the decision to get drunk knowing you had to take me home and then get yourself home. That's your fault, not mine. Then on the way to my house, she was bitching about all the deer and was all like "I told you to sleep at my house but you didn't want to", blah blah blah. Complaining about how she has no insurance if her car hit a deer or how her tag is expired. It's like okay then, stop drinking so fucking much and put that money towards car insurance and a new tag. But like always, she has a different excuse for everything. She complains about the money one day but then the next day it's because Sonny's name is on the registration or whatever and it's like okay, that sounds YOUR problem, not mine. These are problems she needs to fix. Honestly, I'm tired of her whining about this and that when these are problems she can easily fix. But she decides not to because I don't know??? Maybe she just wants to be a victim all the time, I don't know??? She says my dad's an asshole but she's just like him. Always too busy playing the victim to notice her own faults. And I'm not saying anyone is perfect, nobody is. I'm definitely not, I have my faults. The difference is I'm not constantly acting like any problems in my life isn't my fault. Because some of it is. The fact I ended up dating a complete imbecile: my fault. The fact I'm not an independent adult: 100% my fault. I'm not taking enough initiative to go and help myself. I know that. I'm not dling anything to help myself and that's MY fault. But in my mom's head, it's everyone else's fault she's in this situation and is in that situation. I'm sure she knows her life is as shitty as it is now because of HER decisions, she just doesn't want to admit it. I just feel if you refuse to make a change, stop constantly whining about your problems all the time. It's very tiring having everyone tell her to do xyz but she refuses to. I'm just done, I'm tired. I think I'm also just upset that my mom is the same as ever and hasn't changed whatsoever...but life is life, I guess. Life and the people in it will always be shit.