My Diary

Entry 125

November 25, 2021
11:18 A.M.
Thursday

Hey y'all! Happy Thanksgiving! And happy early Hanukkah to my Jewish people out there! So how am I going? Well, I'm okay, I suppose. I've been way worse. So I'm off of work today, which thank God since I'm sure it'd be very busy since everything else is closed. I just don't feel like dealing with all the people honestly, haha. So I'm glad I'm off. My mom works, but she works the morning shift so she'll be getting off at 2pm and she said we can hang out and spend Thanksgiving together afterwards. So that's nice because my grandparents are going to my aunt's house for Thanksgiving this year and I'm not gonna lie, I really don't want to go...and it's nothing against them, it's just all my cousins are loud and annoying kids, which I don't feel like dealing with. I hope I'm making sense and sounding mean...also, my older brother will be there and as much as I love him, I really don't wanna interact with him because I know he'll just go on about how worthless I am like he always does. Like no matter what I do, I'm worthless to these people so fuck it. My granddaddy keeps saying he'll support me in whatever I want to do, but if I do what I want, that's not enough for him because what I want doesn't involve going to college or joining the military. Not that I have anything wrong with those choices, of course! If someone wants to go to college or join the military, I say go for it. But I personally don't want to, which is an issue for my granddaddy. Like I've said before, I just wanna be able to be self efficient and be able to live on my own someday. That is really my only goal in life. Like I don't want anything grand. I just wish people didn't talk down on me when I say I don't wanna get married or ever have a family in the future, etc. I just want to be able to take care of myself and not have to rely on others to get by. I hope I'm making sense. I'm just tired of people reminding me how worthless I am as a person and how so much better they are than me. Like I'm not hurting anyone so leave me alone. I at least got a job. There are plenty of people who don't even have that! I do still have a lot of steps to take though to reach my goal. But I'm taking baby steps. Like I'm saving up my money so I can be able to buy a car eventually or get a house for myself. I'm not just spending it all, you know? Anyway, I'll shut up about this since I'm sure y'all are tired of hearing about it.

If y'all are curious about my boyfriend, he's still truck driving. It's just hard honestly because he only comes back down like once a month and I get lonely really easily...he's like the only person who gives me attention. Like he came back down Saturday night and had to leave again Monday morning. So he only came back for one fucking day! Like is it even worth to come back down, you know? He gave me a ride to work Sunday night and I asked him when he was going to be back and he said probably like a month and I'm just like I GOTTA WAIT ANOTHER MONTH??? I just get lonely way too easily for this! But oh well...I knew this was going to happen. Waiting is all I can do...he said he'll try to make it like two weeks but I just told him to just do his job. Don't worry about it. I'll just be alone like I always am...I wish he didn't have to choose a job where he's constantly away from me. Like I wish he was still in town at least. But it's okay. I can handle it. He does come to see me and spend time with me when he does come down so that's nice. Like I worked Saturday night and he came in to see me, which was a nice surprise! He didn't drink or eat anything, he said he just wanted to see me, which was really sweet. And like I said earlier, we hung a little on Sunday and he took me to work that night so that's nice. But man, I just get lonely way too easily...I wish I didn't... Oh well, it's fine. I'll live.