My Diary

Entry 101

November 1, 2020
10:35 P.M.
Sunday

Hey y'all, did you guys have a good Halloween? I certainly hope so. I went to one of my aunt's house because my family was celebrating there. I don't even care for Halloween, I only went because I need to leave my room every once I'm awhile. And I hate family events. Not saying I hate my family, but these events always get so loud and annoying that by the end of it, I just have such a huge headache. It's a pain. So while my grandparents and I were going to my aunt's house, all of a sudden, my granddaddy tells me I should forgive my dad, which pissed me off. Forgive him? Why should I forgive him for the way he treated me after he left for Kansas, and especially how he brainwashed my younger brother into thinking I'm this bad person and making him hate me. I've never stated this before, but before my dad left, my younger brother was a huge mama's boy. He was much closer to my mom than my older brother and I were, and was much closer to her than he was to my dad. So my younger brother suddenly hating my mom and considering my dad's new wife his mom just seems pretty suspicious to me. Sounds like some manipulation has occurred, just saying. And just so you know, I was extremely close to my younger brother. In fact, I practically took care of him. I cooked for him and bathe him when he was little, and all that. Plus I spent basically every waking moment with him too. My younger brother was and still is the most important person to me. So now that he hates me and doesn't want to talk to me just hurts. And it's all because my dad brainwashed him into thinking I'm this evil villain. So of course when my granddaddy said I should forgive my dad, I just responded with the fact that he's the reason my younger brother hates me now. But my granddaddy is just like "Maybe its because you're hostile to your dad" like he knows anything. And my granny is like "You can't be mad at your dad for leaving" and its just...THAT'S NOT WHY I'M MAD AT HIM. I mean don't get me wrong, I think making kids choose between their parents is pretty fucked up when I look back at it, but that's not why I'm mad. Just to recap, my dad left in February of my tenth grade year. So he promised that in May, when I finished my tenth grade, he would come down to visit me. Of course, I was very excited because I was closer to my dad than I am to my mom. But guess what? He NEVER visited me. He just suddenly ghosted me and didn't contact me for the entire summer. That's what pissed me off. That's what started our little feud. Not the fact he left and I'm tired of my grandparents saying that. Who knows? Maybe my dad is feeding them lies, telling them that but it's just so infuriating. And my granddaddy is going on like "Your mom has done worse things to you", as if I forgive her. I make it very clear I don't! However, my mom is still here in the town. My dad's all the way across the country. I'm sorry, what could he ever do for me from Kansas? Also, he never apologized for any of the shitty things he did or said, even though I did. Why should I forgive him when he never apologized? He's not sorry. This has to be the worst part of living with my grandparents is them saying I should forgive my dad or give him another chance and blah, blah, blah. By the way, I did try to give him another chance but as you can see, he's still a jerk. He blamed me for being depressed and suicidal because I didn't go to Kansas with him. Every time I bring up a problem going on in my life, all he ever says is " Well, you should of came to Kansas with me" just to make me feel like shit. Unless he apologizes and shows me he's genuinely sorry, I'm not going to forgive him. Final.