My Diary

Entry 43

June 26, 2019
6:12 P.M.
Wednesday

I'm only posting this in hopes he'll leave me alone because I know he's going to read this. He's probably going to comment rude things to me on this, but I don't care. So anyway, I have a YouTube channel. I had a fan who wanted to talk to me, so I told him we can communicate on Instagram in private instead of him trying to publicly comment on my videos (and just so you know, he's STILL publicly commenting personal and rude things on my videos, which is pissing me off so I'm just deleting them. He also commented on my last entry, but I deleted that too). Anyway, talking to this guy, he just kept creeping me out. He kept acting like I was his girlfriend, calling me "babe", "love", or yadda yadda (even when I asked him to stop), and he keeps treating me like I'm a Goddess or something. He then keeps saying he's in love with me, even though he doesn't even know who I am. I made it very clear to him that my persona on YouTube is fake. I am not that happy and energetic. Obviously reading this, I'm very depressed. Also, I don't tell y'all every detail of my life here so sure, he knows I have parental issues, but that's it! Other than that, he doesn't know a damn thing about me! And I don't know a damn thing about him! I asked him to not compliment me because it makes me uncomfortable and he keeps making excuses. But I let him slide when he called me pretty or whatever. The thing that first pissed me off about him is how when I first talking to him, I asked him to privately text me on Instagram and not publicly in my YouTube comments. Guess what? He continued to publicly comment on YouTube channel, trying to talk to me. I texted him to stop and he's just like "you're irritated". Yes I am, because I told you multiple times not to do that! I don't need people coming to my channel to see your weird goddamn comments on my channel of you trying to communicate with me. Another thing that annoyed me is one day, I went to my aunt's house and this, I had no access to my cellphone. I was in her pool so obviously my cellphone was not nearby. But he fucking blasted my phone, being like "Where the fuck are you?" I don't know. Having a goddamn life. Geez, dude. So anyway, this guy kept saying creepy shit towards me, still acting like I'm his girlfriend. He even once told me he thought about eating out my pussy. WHO THE ACTUAL FUCK SAYS THAT!? YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GET A DATE THAT WAY! Not that I would date him, I don't even know him but you get the point. So an example of him acting like I'm his girlfriend was when I got a comment on one of my videos commenting "Nice outfit" or something. So of course, I said "Thanks" or "Thank you" or something on that line. This guy replies in a rude tone, basically criticizing me for dressing like a whore. He didn't directly say that, but I know that's what he meant. So I messaged him on Instagram, being like "What the fuck? What are you being so rude for? I didn't do anything to you" and he's just like "I'm sorry. I just can't stand it when someone else hits on you". *Sighs* One, he was not hitting on me. He was commenting that he liked my outfit. Even if he was hitting on me, I'm not your goddamn girlfriend. I can take care of my goddamn self. I'm not no damsel in distress. So ridiculous. So yesterday was it. I'm done with him. So yesterday, we went into an argument yet again because he still continuing acting like a creep and acting like I'm his girlfriend. I honestly think he was trying to give me an excuse for his behavior or trying to make me feel bad for him by him telling me that he has bipolar disorder. Now I'm not saying he doesn't have bipolar disorder or anything, but that isn't an excuse for your creepy behavior and you being disrespectful when I asked you to stop. So anyway, the conversation ended with him contradicting himself by saying he's conceited and that he has no issues and that I'M the one with issues even though five seconds before, he said he had issues. So he called me immature, yadda yadda and said bye. So you know what? Bye. I'm done with you. Our friendship is over. I'm not putting up with your bullshit no more. You think that's the end of the story? Unfortunately not. So he keeps commenting on my YouTube videos TODAY and I'm paying him no attention or not responding to them. I'm even deleting them from my comment section because I don't need this shit posted all over the place. So the first thing he posted was "I miss you so much, Zoë...I just wish you would stop emotionally abusing me, talking to me like dirt when all I did was try to uplift your spirit and support your art." So first of all, I NEVER was emotionally abusing you or treating you like dirt! All you did was keep telling me how "hot" I am and how "I'm the only girl for him", even though he doesn't know who the fuck I am. You're a fucking creep. So of course, I stood my ground and told you what I thought and asked you to stop. You didn't stop. I never was trying to mean to you. I never meant to hurt your feelings. I was trying to open your eyes and make you realize how creepy and unnerving this is to me! I don't know you! I'm uncomfortable! So then he next comments "Bae, we can work this out. Don't be like this." Instant turnoff right there. Bae!? What is this? 2017? No one says that anymore. Also, why you calling me bae? I'm not your fucking girlfriend! Stop acting like I am! So he then comments "Can I text you on Instagram then?" I would prefer that than publicly on my YouTube channel. But that didn't stop you. By the way, all he texted me on Instagram was "I'm sorry for what I said to you yesterday. I didn't mean to hurt you." Well, tough luck. You fucked up. I'm not talking to you no more. So on my YouTube channel, he next comments "I understand if you never respond to me again, I deserve it. I'm sorry." Yeah, you're right about that at least. This is where my thoughts of maybe considering to message him on Instagram said nope. He then commented "Zoë, don't disappear on me. You said how much your dad hurt you when he did that so why do it to someone else?" Really now? You're going to bring my fucking dad into this? Is that really how you think you're going to win back my friendship? Are you fucking serious? Besides, YOU ended the friendship. You're the one who told me bye and decided to delete your Instagram so I couldn't message you the rest of the day until today, so don't you dare say I ghosted you. You stopped talking to me. Fuck you. He then next comments "I love you, Zoë Gabany." You know, yadda yadda. Then he says "I'm gonna miss you so much, I'm sorry I ruined our friendship". No you aren't. I gave you a second chance and you fucked up. You don't care. He then comments "Zoë, please stop this and talk to me. I want to talk to you." Well, I don't want to talk to you. He then commented something else, but it didn't show up on my notifications and since I deleted it, I can't see it no more. But the last thing he commented (thus far because knowing him, he's going to continue), he said "I'm so sick of you always doing this, you take all your anger out on me all the time! Your mom was right, you want everyone miserable." Geez, really dude? How to impress a lady. NOT. I never took my anger on him. If I ever expressed any anger at him, it was anger about him. It was not me being pissed off about something else and taking it out on him. Again, bringing up my mom and putting fault on me. You really think that'll win your friendship back? Yeah, not fucking happening. You're just trying to hurt me and I'm not about that toxic shit. It's not going to work on me. Also, if me not talking to you is making you miserable, you need a fucking life. You're almost 30 years old pinning over an 18 year old girl you don't know that obviously doesn't like you! That's why you're single. Because you're a sad pathetic piece of shit. And comment all you want on this entry, I don't care, but it isn't going to hurt my feelings or anything. You fucked up. Go find some other girl you don't know to creep on. I just wanted to get this out because it's been frustrating me for a long time now. So y'all, if he comments mean things to me or tries to justify himself, pay him no attention. Act like he doesn't exist. Because responding to him is just adding fuel to the fire. All I wanted to do was talk to a fan of mine because I'm just that nice of a person and this is what happens...so if you're a fan, just know I won't talk to you. I don't want to deal with this happening again because this isn't the first time. I'm sorry. I never wanted this to happen, but I refuse to involve myself with someone so toxic.