My Diary

Entry 107

November 28, 2020
9:12 P.M.
Saturday

Oh my God, I can't with this motherfucker. I am actually so fucking mad right now. So apparently that guy with his "exposed" story posted another chapter about me. Guess what he titled the fourth chapter? He titled it: "ZoeGabany8's Borderline Personality Disorder". Wow, he's diagnosing me like he's a fucking professional right now or something, without having to meet me or anything. So he starts the chapter by explaining what borderline personality disorder is, which is " A mental disorder characterized by unstable moods, behavior, and relationships" and then he goes to explain that fits me because I explain how my family is pretty dysfunctional. The thing that pissed me off here is that he wrote my mom's full name. What the actual fuck. I've never said my mom's name once EVER. Not here, not on YouTube, or on any other social media platform. The fact he knew my mother's full name is honestly fucking terrifying and now I'm really scared for my life here. He also says how I go to Wattpad to "vent my frustrations" about my mom instead of talking to her. Does he actually read my entries? I've talked about how I've explained my frustrations to her before! And then he goes and says I did the same to him which is bullshit. I've told him what I didn't like, such as him acting like I was his girlfriend and shit or when he called me "baby" in our private messages but guess what? He kept doing it so obviously, I was not happy with this. Again, I did not curse him out just for the hell of it! He then goes off to say that I'm taking the way my mom treats me and doing that to others because he said other people's pain is my pleasure. Like hell it is! I do not want anyone to suffer or be in pain. I've said this before. And then he explains how someone in the comment section said my older brother is an asshole but I told him I do think he wants the best for me which is why he's so hard for me. So why do I complain about him? It's not about him saying I need to get a job or something, it's about how he talks down on me when he does it. And I hate how I'm always being compared to him. That's all! My older brother and I love each other and we both know that. But just because I complain about him sometimes doesn't mean I hate him. Come on, siblings get on each other's nerves all the time. It's normal. But of course, he's trying to frame me as this extremely mentally unstable person so people will side with him. And then he goes off to say he knows I'm probably going to read this and say as the narcissist I am: "Don't believe him, believe me". Then he goes to say I'm not the only one with a voice here and that he does too. Not only that, he says that since on my Twitter, I post about a video game there and how I don't ever talk about my personal life, that's proof that my feelings here are fake and that I'm a liar. Yes, I only post about my feelings here in my diary because I DO NOT WANT ATTENTION. IF I WANTED ATTENTION, DON'T YOU THINK I'D BE POSTING ABOUT MY LIFE AND SHIT ON TWITTER TOO OR EVERY OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA I HAVE? Am I not allowed to post about a video game I love on my Twitter because I'm depressed and stuff? That's absolutely ridiculous! Just because someone is depressed or something DOES NOT MEAN THEY HAVE TO TALK OR POST ABOUT IT ON ALL THEIR SOCIAL MEDIA. In fact, people who are depressed tend to hide the fact that they're depressed. The fact that this is the only place I post about my feelings and talk about my personal life should be proof enough that I'm not doing this for attention. Besides, let's say I do have borderline personality disorder. That doesn't make me less of a person. Not everyone with borderline personality disorder is this dangerous person hurting others. I just can't with this guy. People like him are why mental illnesses are so stigmatized. And again, he shouldn't be diagnosing me with a mental illness when he's never met me or not even a licensed professional or anything. It's VERY dangerous to be doing that. Why does he want to hurt me so much? Why can't he just leave me alone in peace? I'm not trying to hurt anyone and if I have, I'm so sorry. That's not my intentions. I'm literally shaking with so much anger right now that it's hard to type. Just leave me alone, please...just move on with your life. I honestly can't take this harassment anymore...