My Diary

Entry 78

March 30, 2020
3:36 P.M.
Monday

Ugh, I hate all this online bullcrap. Most of my teachers are making us use Edgenuity, which is this stupid online school course that is so boring, especially since you have to sit through videos of the teachers talking. I hate it. I remember using it for summer school and I just wanted to die. Looks like nothing changed. My theatre teacher is also making us do so much extra work, like she always does. She wants us to write a monologue or something including "social distancing" which will slowly evolve into a dumb play we have to record us singing and acting. It's stupid and so extra. Well, I know social distancing better than anyone. Doesn't mean I wanna do it. I also have a sculpture for sculpturing class I apparently should of already finished that I haven't even started on yet and I need to send a picture of the sculpture to the teacher. God, this sucks. I wish they would just extend the year because I still don't understand this crap. I mean, I'm a senior, so it's not like I'll have a shorter summer break, am I right? It doesn't help I'm in a bad mood either. But then again, I'm always in a bad mood so I guess that doesn't matter. I tried to talk to my mom earlier today since for once, Sonny isn't around but no. She told me to shut up because she'd rather watch her TV. I know I'm an extremely boring person, but this was one of the few chances I can try to talk to her and she blew me off. I just want that emotional connection, you know? I remember only one time we actually had a normal conversation, where she asked me about boys. I told her I'm not interested in boys and then she asked if I was perhaps gay and I told her I wasn't, it's just that there's been nobody I've liked. Which is true. I can't remember the last time I had a crush. But I liked that conversation because there was for once that small emotional connection where she asked me about MY life for once and how I was doing, where she even told me about her experiences with boys when she was my age. It was nice to talk to her and I miss that. But no. It's never going to happen again because she's too infested in her stupid TV about TV shows that aren't even good or remotely interesting. I just wish my mom and I had that emotional connection, where I can tell her anything and vice versa because I know she's trustworthy. But I know that's not the case. My mom's the most untrustworthy person out there. The few times I get to talk to her, she goes telling her secrets off to her coworkers and even stupid goddamn Sonny for that matter. I can't tell her anything even if she let me to. I just don't get it. I wish Bryan was still around so I can talk to him about anything like I used to, but I know that's never going to be the case ever again since my dad brainwashed him into thinking I'm the spawn of Satan. Why did life have to turn out this way? Why can't I have one decent person in my life? I guess that's too hard to ask.