My Diary

Entry 142

November 6, 2022
3:54 P.M.
Sunday

Remember how just last entry how I was just talking about how my mom has not changed one bit? Well, last night definitely confirmed that. So my grandparents are currently out of town so I'm home alone and I can't rely on them for rides to work. I ask my mom if she could bring me into work and she told me she was planning on it. Alright, great. Well, I was going into work at 9pm so I normally don't wake up and get up until 8. Well before it was even 8, I wake up to the music blasting from my mom's car in the driveway. At first, I started panicking because I thought I overslept but when I looked at the time, it wasn't even 8 yet. I go out and jokingly tell my mom how she was early. But what ticked me off was how she was clearly drunk off her ass. She was so drunk that she could barely walk or even talk. She was literally slurring and mumbling everything she said. Seeing how hammered she was, I straight out told her she wasn't driving and I had to drive myself into work. I did the worst parking job because I honestly just didn't care because I was pissed off at this bullshit. I told my mom I parked right on the line and that she's taking up two parking places, basically just telling her "This is what happens when the person without a license drives the car". I thought she was going to leave afterwards but what the fuck was I thinking? She literally was just passed out in the parking lot for half my shift and I'm not even exaggerating that. She didn't leave until like one in the morning. This whole experience just pisses me off because it just showed how irresponsible she still is and how she hasn't improved on anything. Like if you knew you had to take your unlicensed daughter to work, the responsible thing to do would not show up hammered that way you can drive and not have the person without the license behind the wheel. Not saying I'm a terrible driver, but I think y'all get my point. Not to mention, the fact she was passed out drunk in the parking lot of my job that customers saw walking in and out is just plain embarrassing to me. I literally had to hold back tears because I was so embarrassed by this. It was embarrassing for me to admit that was my mom passed out in the parking lot when customers questioned it. All I gotta say is she's constantly telling me how she wants to be a better mother and all, but this just shows she's making no improvement on doing so whatsoever. She doesn't care on being a better mother if she doesn't even care enough to improve on herself. She was all like "Well, it was embarrassing for me too". Well, not embarrassing enough since you keep pulling this shit. She had the nerve to tell me I "don't appreciate her". Oh, I should appreciate the fact that I had to drive myself to work because you were too fucking drunk to do so? Really??? She wants to keep saying I don't care. No bitch, you don't care. I honestly don't care if I hurt her feelings. She's 44 years old. She's a grown ass adult and knows better than to pull shit like this. Of course, when she came into work this morning, she couldn't even say sorry. She just got mad because I snapped at her in front of customers. Well, I don't fucking care. You embarrassed the shit out of me because of your bullshit. She keeps saying she loves me, but her actions say otherwise. I'm done with her. She can fuck off. I don't want anything to do with her anymore. Maybe I'll just kill myself so that way I'm nobody else's burden and responsibility anymore, I don't know. I'm just done. I'm done trying.