My Diary

Entry 160

October 1, 2023
6:33 P.M.
Sunday

Hello everyone. Welcome back to another entry where I make my life a bigger mess than it already is. What do I mean by that? Well, let me tell you. So I'm pretty sure I've explained before that on Friday nights (and sometimes Saturday if I'm off work) that I've been doing karaoke at a bar. It helps me get out the house and I've made some friends since then. It's been nice. Well, I started talking to this guy, let's call him, Tyler. Clearly Tyler isn't this guy's real name, but I've seen people in the past somehow find the people I've mentioned in this diary so I'm going to be safe. So he's Tyler in this diary. So I started talking to Tyler since apparently he's been really interested in me. I don't know why but he was. I've known him for a couple months now and so far, he's been really sweet and caring towards me. He makes sure I'm okay whenever I have a little too much to drink, he offered to help me out when I got into my car accident, etc. plus he's been very open and honest to me. For example, he was honest about the fact he still talked to his ex-girlfriend and still hung out with her. This ex-girlfriend also had a friend who was really interested in him and he even told me he was considering going out with her. Which was fine to me. At this point, Tyler and I have been talking and occasionally hooking up, but I got a lot of personal issues and as such, I wasn't interested in dating. At least not yet. However, the other day, I got a random message from the friend Tyler was considering dating, and let me say that I don't know her or have ever talked to her. I just know of her. But the message was very aggressive and it straight out said: "Next time fuck someone more age appropriate kid, not someone who's 38". Just to add context, I'm only 22 years old currently and Tyler's actually 39 years old. So she got his age wrong. Whoops. Obviously, I didn't respond because I'm better than that. I'm not here to get drawn into any drama. I'm tired of drama in my life. But I ended up taking a screenshot of the message and sent it to Tyler because I thought he should know. He basically replied he was getting tired of the gossip and drama, and that she and his ex-girlfriend had just been spewing bullshit. I also even got a random message from his ex-girlfriend telling me not to tell Tyler that she reached out to me and that she's not mad at me or anything because I haven't done anything wrong because we didn't know about each other and that he lied to her about me, yadda yadda. Okay, for one...I did know about her. I know who she is. I've never talked to her but I know of her. He never hid her or lied to me about her, etc. The same with the friend who aggressively messaged me. He was very honest to me he was considering going out with her and that he's been hanging out with her all week. Like Tyler hasn't lied to me about shit. Now did I respond to his ex-girlfriend? No, because I'm better than that. That'd just cause more drama. I'm not saying I'm the most mature person because I'm not, but at least I'm not grown women in their late 30s attacking a 22-year-old because she happened to have slept with a man they like. It's crazy. Women are crazy. People are crazy. Tyler apologized about them and even said he understands if I want to distance myself from him because of this but I just told him that we are friends and those women aren't his fault. He tried to say it is but no, it's not. He wasn't dating any of us, he wasn't committed to anyone. In my opinion, he can fuck whoever he wants. I can understand jealousy, I do, but to attack me is ridiculous. I had nothing to do with this. But after that, Tyler made it clear he was done with them and that the friend attacking me made him not want to go out with her. Overall, I don't know why she did that. Like he was going to go out with her. He chose her over me! But I guess emotions do dumb things to people. Anyway, now time for my stupidity because I'm not going to act like I'm a perfect saint.

So last Saturday, Tyler and I went out to the strip club with our friend, Carter. Carter isn't really his name but like Tyler, I'm just using a different name to be safe because people on the internet are scary. So, Tyler, Carter, and I went out to the strip club. There's no strip clubs in the town I live in but Tyler lives out in a different town that does. Carter doesn't drive since he's too visually impaired so I picked up Carter and we met Tyler at his house and we all went in Tyler's car. Obviously, we're gonna be drinking so Tyler told us we can just crash at his place. Well, while we were out at the strip club, we've been drinking and somehow a flirtation started between me and Carter. I swear I started it but Tyler, who was sober and didn't drink because he was driving, said Carter started it but I don't know. I don't know what counts as flirting or not anymore. Anyway, so yeah, Carter and I got very cozy and touchy feely with each other quickly. I was sitting on his lap, he was rubbing my thighs and torso, and he started kissing me and I just let him do it because I guess...? I mean I always thought Carter was kinda cute, to be honest and since I wasn't going out with Tyler, I just went with it. And Tyler seemed fine with it, he even joked that he's happy to see us getting along so well. Well, afterwards, we go back to Tyler's to crash and Carter and I ended up having sex on the couch. Yes, I had sex with a different man on Tyler's couch. You don't have to explain how wrong that is. My mom even told me it was wrong so you know it's wrong if my mom says it is! Anyway, I'm not dating Tyler but it was still his couch. Mad disrespectful. Either way, since then, the tension between the three of us has been really awkward. Like earlier tonight at karaoke, some awkward questions came up. For example, I was outside talking with Tyler and he asked if I enjoyed sex more with him or Carter. Like do I really have to answer that question?? Then Tyler continues, saying he thinks Carter and I would be good together, saying we have more chemistry or whatever...it's like look, I'm not looking to date Carter. It was just one night where we both had a bit much to drink. By the end of the night, Carter had already left and Tyler and I have made plans to go to the fair tomorrow in his hometown. I still have a lot of anxiety driving outside my hometown alone so Tyler offered to come get me. But he was all like "I'll come get you...as long as you don't bring Carter with you." Like why did he have to be like that? He says he was joking when he said that, but he keeps bringing it up every time we hang out. In my opinion, I think Tyler is hurt, or at the very least bothered by me having sex with Carter. I believe because we aren't dating, Tyler probably feels he shouldn't be upset about me having sex with Carter since we aren't together. But someone did bring up that they think Tyler genuinely likes me so he's probably just reacting out jealously or whatever. I don't know. Overall, I did apologize for what happened with me and Carter, especially since it happened on Tyler's couch and I genuinely feel bad about that. We could of at least had sex somewhere else another time. But he just keeps saying he doesn't care and that he's not upset, etc. Also, my mom's been annoying the hell out of me with this whole situation with Tyler and Carter. She keeps going on about how I ruined everything with Tyler and how she likes Tyler more than Carter, and that Carter is a loser while Tyler has money, yadda yadda. She even tried to ask me who I wanted to be with more, etc, like stop trying to make me choose between one of them! I've made it very clear with both of them that I'm currently not looking for anything romantic at the moment. Also with Carter, it was just a wild night where we both had a bit much to drink and one thing led to another. We're all still friends, we all still talk, etc. I know y'all are probably reading this and thinking "Oh, you're a slut" or "you're a little whore", and yeah...I guess I am. I am a little skank apparently. I'm the one who put myself in this position by opening my legs, its all my fault. Either way, at the moment...we are all still friends, we all still talk, hang out and get along...we are all cool. But yeah, just thought I should update y'all what I've been up to. Slutting around apparently.