My Diary

Entry 153

May 9, 2023
Tuesday
2:39 A.M.

Hey, welcome back to another entry of my life being controlled by others and I'm not allowing to make my own decisions. So guess who's getting forced to take college classes now? That's right. Me. A class in what you're wondering? I don't fucking know. I don't even know what I even want to do with my life. But go figure, my current job isn't good enough for anyone. There's no "good job Zoe, we're proud of you", just "You can do better". No good job of getting your driver's license, no good job of keeping a steady job for the past two years...nope, my job is crap and full of people with "no ambition". A way to insult everyone who works where I work. I've explained before how my grandparents really talks down on my job specifically but man, it's just upsetting. But yeah, my grandparents basically are forcing me to take a college class even though they know I don't want to...it just sucks because I have no freedom ever. They tell me they'll support me in whatever path I choose yet now they're forcing me down a different path now. I don't get the choice. What's the point of living life if it's not the life I want to live? I hate it. I'm almost 22 years old, why can't I just do what I want? I'm not a child anymore...I don't even know what class to take because I don't have an interest in anything...or college for that matter! But whatever, I need to be like my perfect older brother, I suppose...I hate talking about this because I don't wanna sound like a baby who does nothing but whine about everything. That's probably what I sound like to others...a whiny baby. People are probably thinking "Suck it up and deal with it, lady"...I probably am nothing but a child in mind...I just wish I can say I've done something to be happy about and I haven't. I just feel so empty inside and things that used to give me enjoyment don't give me enjoyment anymore. Emotions? I don't even know what those are half the time anymore. I might as well just be a cage of bones at this point. I'm tired of just having all these expectations to live up to...just let me be stress free for once, damn it. There's always something that has to go on to make me hate my life...