My Diary

Entry 144

December 17, 2022
6:09 P.M.
Saturday

So like usual, life continues to fuck me over. It's getting to the point that I just can't help but wonder if I'm just a terrible person or something because it just feels like nonstop karma or something. I know I haven't been the best person in the past and hopefully I've changed from the person I was when I first started this diary, but I don't know...sometimes I think I'm just a bad person maybe. I mean maybe that's why everyone always abandons me eventually. I'm just toxic or something. I know I'm not the most mentally adjusted person but I never intend to hurt or upset people...I don't know. Sorry, I just think way too much. It's an unhealthy habit of mine. But it has gotten to the point that I'm just done trying to develop relationships with people. I'm done with friends, I'm done with dating...all it does is cause pain in the end so what's the point anymore? I rather be alone to avoid the hurt in the end. I don't know...

Anyway, let's talk about the hell I call my job. So remember how I talked about how I was hoping to work a double on Christmas because I wanted my moolah? Well, when he originally put the schedule out, I got it. I got to serve both shifts. But the next day I go in and he changed the schedule. I'm no longer serving first shift. I'm stuck now expediting (which is basically the person who calls the orders). So I saw that and I said hell no. I only get paid minimum wage for that shit and I don't get no damn tips doing that. So of course, I mention this to my boss being like "So I saw you took me off serving on Christmas" and he replied it was because one of the servers who was originally scheduled second shift on Christmas threw a fit about it because she wants to spend time with her boyfriend. Okay...one, I didn't spend time with my boyfriend last Christmas. Secondly, she only works TWO days a week! She has plenty of time to spend time with her boyfriend! Like she's off Christmas Eve. She should use Christmas Eve to spend time with her damn boyfriend since she'd be working Christmas, you get what I mean? That's what a smart employee at my job would do. We're literally told at our job interviews that it is required of us to work Christmas and New Years. At least I was, I don't know. Anyway, so apparently I was taken off serving because that server only wants to work first shift on Christmas and it's just like "Thanks for fucking me over". That's all I said. So great, now the first half of my double, I'm not making no damn tips. I'm going to be down for 14 hours for no damn reason. This is absolute fucking bullshit. I come in every shift I scheduled, I rarely ever call out (I've only called out twice the 2 years I've been there), I bust my ass every shift I work, I cover shifts all the time, the customers love me and this is how I get treated??? I'm constantly get fucked over at this job. And then my boss wonders why I hate this job so much. I don't know, I literally held night shift together the past 2 years I've been working here and now I'm holding second shift together. I don't know, I feel like you would treat me with more respect instead of constantly fucking me over on shit like this. I'm tired of the bullshit. As soon as I get my license (which hopefully is December 28th since that is the day of my test), I'm looking for another job. I'm sick and fucking tired of busting my ass and being treated with disrespect by my poor excuse of a management. I'm just done. I don't know how the place will hold after I leave since I've literally been carrying second and third shift but I don't fucking care. I don't care if that place sinks to the damn ground. Fuck that place. I only wished my mom told me how shitty management was and how incompetent all the employees there are before I applied because oh my fucking God. This job did nothing but worsen and deteriorated my mental health. Then again, knowing me, I'd probably just kill myself when I quit anyway. Maybe I just deserve this treatment, I don't know...