My Diary

Entry 29

May 17, 2019
5:50 P.M.
Friday

Just got into a fight with my mom. Having a great fucking day. So here's what happened. We were leaving Winn Dixie and Sonny called her, being all angry about something and she got all angry with him. So as we are in the car, she is trying to angrily text him and I told her to not text him. It's not worth it and all its going to do is lead to more pointless arguing. She kept angrily texting him and I just said "don't text him", like I was saying before to get that through her head. So there was obvious tensity in the car because she was yelling at Sonny in the car and I was trying to get past it by telling about something funny that happened at school. But then out of nowhere, she asks "Do you want me to be as miserable as you?" And I just asked "what?" And she repeats herself. I don't know where this question came from, but she said this question has bugging her for awhile and I just said "I don't want anyone to be miserable". So here is where she starts the fight, just because she's angry at Sonny. That's what my fucking mother does. Starts fights with others, even though they did nothing wrong to her. But apparently I'm degrading her by telling her not to angrily text Sonny. Like I'm sorry. I don't understand how that's degrading you. I was trying to help you get away from more pointless arguing with this asshole. My bad. But then she goes off saying that all I do is degrade her so I apologized, saying "I'm sorry if I say anything that you might take as me degrading you. That is never my intentions. If I say something you think is degrading, tell me so I won't make this mistake again." But no. She can't accept that. Apparently, I'm always trying to degrade her. Apparently I don't want her happy. And you know what? She's a fucking hypocrite, because I think her calling me miserable is pretty fucking degrading. And I told her that. And then she says "All you say is how much you want to die. How do you think that makes me feel?" And I told her that she obviously doesn't fucking care because she doesn't do anything about me. She never talks to me or try to get an understanding of why I'm so unhappy. But apparently, trying to help her by telling her not to angrily text Sonny because it'll lead to more pointless arguing is degrading her. Because I'm just putting in smartass answers or something. Yeah, whatever. I'm waiting for her to say I can't go see Avengers: Endgame on Sunday for my birthday because she's mad at me. And if she does, I'm going to laugh. I don't understand why she's starting fights with me if she cares and loves me so much. She keeps saying she does so much for me, but she doesn't. Most of the time, it's like I don't exist. I honestly don't understand what she's so mad about. I think she honestly just loves being pissed off at people for no reason because that's all she does. She gets into a fight with someone, then starts a fight with me because she's mad at them and she just wants to cause more drama. I hate my fucking life. Once I get a license and a job, I'm leaving this shithole to get away from this bitch and be happy. Because obviously, she doesn't want me happy.