My Diary

Entry 120

September 2, 2021
12:41 P.M.
Thursday

Hello, welcome to another day of my life continuing to fall apart. I'm just so upset right now and feeling so much emotions and I just don't know how to cope with it. I just hate my life so fucking much to the point that I want to smash my head against the wall until hopefully I fucking die. I hate my job and I hate my coworkers. So for some reason, two of the cooks at my job decided to start rumors that I'm pregnant. I've been off since Sunday so I wasn't aware of these rumors until my mom texted me the other day, asking if I was okay because these two cooks are telling everyone I'm pregnant. I basically just told my mom "No I'm not fucking pregnant wtf" and that if I was pregnant, she knows I would tell her. This is where I become just distraught. So my boyfriend texted me last night, mad at me for starting these rumors. Of course, I just replied back to him that I didn't start no rumors so please don't be mad at me. But I didn't get a reply back from him, which scared me because I don't want him to be mad at me and not want to talk to me for shit I didn't even do. So my friend, Mariah (she's another server who works with me) texts me and I basically explain how the pregnancy rumors are greatly upsetting me, especially since my boyfriend thinks I'm the one who started it and is now mad at me and won't talk to me. Like my boyfriend means so much to me, it's not even funny. He's literally the one good thing in my life right now. If I lose him, then I might as well kill myself. He's the only thing that makes me happy. But yeah, Mariah basically said she'll explain things to him tonight when she comes in to work. Which is nice of her. Mariah is a good friend. She might as well be my sister. But yeah, she said one of the cooks who started the rumors told her he and the other cook started it as a "joke" and she told him that's not fucking cool because that strained my relationship and now I'm really upset. Like I'm so upset right now that I don't know if I can even come into work tomorrow. I'm that fucking distressed. And let me just say these guys are in their fucking 30s and they're over here starting highschool gossip for a fucking laugh. I just can't. That's fucking pathetic. Doesn't help that my mom thinks this whole ordeal is funny too. But what did I expect from my mom? Of course she's not going to be there for me when I'm clearly upset. I'm just so fucking done. I did call my boyfriend earlier and explain everything to him and he basically just said it's not cool that they're starting rumors and that he's sorry they are so I hope that means he's not mad at me anymore because he knows I'm not the cause of this now. I just hope we're on good terms now...I would hate to lose him over a misunderstanding...