𝑳𝒆𝒐𝒏 𝑲𝒆𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒅𝒚| ɪᴍᴀɢɪɴᴇꜱ ʙᴏᴏᴋ 2

Bad Blunders

Not a lot of things scared me these days. After completing countless missions facing humanity's worst and some true evils created by science, I'd caged my fear and buried it deep inside of me.

But being summoned to Leon's office at this time of night allowed my fear to claw at its cage. We're lovers and partners in the DSO, so it shouldn't have scared me as much as it did when I got the call. However, I already knew what this was going to be about, and I'd braced myself for the worst.

As I walk into Leon's office, already I can feel the bad mood vibrating around him, which only makes things worse. "I don't need you to give me a lecture, I know I made a small blunder on the enemy headcount yesterday, but it was only three extra men. I won't make the same mistake again-" I begin, rearranging the pen pot on Leon's desk nervously as he stands.

"You're right about that. It definitely won't happen again. Your slacking almost lost us a good agent, all because you can't fucking count." Leon snaps, being my boss Leon rather than my boyfriend. I step back as if he's slapped me, feeling personally attacked. My lips part in shock, he's never been so...aggressive with me.

"It wasn't my fault Leon, I didn't know about the truck parked in the back-" I once again try to explain, but Leon tenses up as if readying for a fight, so I immediately shut up. His eyes find mine, full of anger and judgement.

"We can't afford to make mistakes in this job. You fuck up once, you're bound to fuck up again. Next time, it might cost someone their life, and that's on you." His words hit me like bullets, but at the same time I can understand what he's saying. It still hurts though, all the confidence and self-esteem I've built up since training to be an agent evaporates.

"Okay." I weakly reply, but even the simple answer seems to anger him even more.

"Okay? No Y/N it isn't okay, you have no idea what it's like to make one mistake and have it haunt you for the rest of your life!" Leon all but shouts, running a hand through his hair as my brows furrow. Maybe I'd read this whole situation wrong, maybe this isn't actually about me, I think Leon's scared for me? It's either that or my mistake has brought back some bad memories for him.

I soften, letting go of my precious anxiety now I know Leon needs me. "You're right, I don't know what it's like, but it sounds like you do. Maybe we should talk about it, surely it's better to get it off of your chest than keep it bottled up until someone else comes along and triggers you again." I say, stepping closer to him and reaching for his hand.

Leon's face is a portrait of disbelief and mockery. I've never felt so small in my life with such a look Leon's throwing at me. I drop my hand, retreating back as Leon practically growls "Get the fuck out. Now."

With every step back I take, Leon follows, his hands are clenched and even though I know he'd never physically hurt me, I still feel threatened. I'm trembling when I finally reach the closed door, my head desperately trying to blindly find the knob.

"I don't need to talk. And if I did, I definitely don't want it to be with you. You're a pathetic excuse for an agent, I knew it was a bad idea screwing you." A sharp inhale briefly makes Leon pause, but he isn't done breaking me yet. "You're off from field work until you can get yourself together and actually do your job. Got it?"

I nod, tears falling down my face as I rush out of the door, driving back to mine and Leon's shared apartment, but I lock the door and pray that this one night he forgets his keys.

-------------------------------------------------------

In my deep, depressed sleep, I briefly hear the bedroom door open and close, but I'm too emotionally worn out to wake up and protect myself. It's only when I vaguely smell Leon's cologne and feel his arms wrap around me that I go back to sleep until the morning, when I can figure out what I'm going to do.

I wake up, Leon's arms still around me, but I peel him off, refusing to simply accept his silent form of apology. I sit up, rubbing my eyes and am about to stand when I hear his voice.

"Wait-"

I freeze. I wasn't expecting him to come home last night, nor was I expecting him to actually come to bed. Now he's here, and I don't know whether to leave or hear him out. I feel the bed shift, then seconds later Leon sits beside me on the edge, staring at the floor. I scoot over, not letting us touch again.

He takes a shaky breath. "I shouldn't have shouted at you like that, and what I said was...fucking horrible. I'm sorry." He mumbles. I stand, needing to distance myself from him and process his words. Last night Leon wasn't himself, he scared me and brought me down to a low I never thought I'd ever reach, but that small, dumb part of me still loves him, so I face away from him to find the courage to speak.

"Your past doesn't give you a right to be an asshole to me." I whisper, clenching my fists as my fight or flight kicks in. I wonder if he's going to get mad again, become defensive or blame me for something that's happened to him before.

Instead, Leon stands but then gets to his knees next to me. My eyes widen as I turn to stare at him, watching as tears fall from his blue eyes, rolling off of his face with ease. "I can't lose you, not now and not ever. I've been selfish and so wrong about everything. I projected my own problems onto you, made you feel pain when it should've been me. I've made so many mistakes, I've lost so many people, and I kept it all inside. I thought that I could control it all...but it's too much."

I watch as Leon cries, pressing his forehead to the floor. I'm stupid, and maybe wrong, but I forgive him. I don't know what it's like to live with his kind of trauma, but eventually it must catch up to you. I kneel down, pulling him to me as he wraps his arms around me, repeatedly saying "I'm so sorry."

I stroke his hair, shushing him until it's his turn to comfort me when I begin to let my own tears of pain fall. I feel for him so much, and I know when he snapped at me it was just a case of fear bubbling to the surface.

"It'll never happen again. I swear on my life that I'll never be like that again, I'll never hurt you, and I'll tell you things for now on. I just...please don't hate me for the things I've done."

"I could never hate you for trying. I know you've always been a light in a world full of darkness, and I can guarantee that all those people you have saved, or tried to, would be so proud of the man you are. As long as you keep helping people, you'll always be the one who saves the day."

Leon's arms wrap around me as he rests his chin on my head, we sit on the floor for a while, leaning against the bed as we watch the sky through the window. He isn't completely forgiven, our energy is off and we tip toe around each other for a few days, but Leon's hell bent on making it up to me by doing whatever he can, which includes trusting me with field missions again, cooking for me and buying flowers, and even signing up for therapy so he can begin to unravel his trauma.