Slow Love

4Ever

Leaning over, lifting me up in his arms, we connect with a kiss that was so gentle, yet intense with passion. From deep within me came a rumble with desire. This beautiful kiss is so full of tenderness, longing, and love. I am overcome by the emotions it is evoking as tears stream from the outside corners of my eyes and pool at my ears. I realize that some of the tears I feel are his on my face. He slides his face around to my shoulder, whispering in my ear, "Baby, I love you so much. These are happy tears for the joy you have brought into my life."

He sinks down with me on the sofa as we entwine our bodies reclining, facing each other. Softly kissing each other on the lips, nose, eyes with tender touches on the face and neck. He sighs heavily, "Sometimes I get angry because, really, I'm scared. And anger is a much more powerful, much better feeling emotion than fear. Anger got me into gear. Anger propelled me to make changes. But, at times, I would vent anger on someone else because I was really angry at myself. I would get really angry at my own fear and lack of boundaries. When we're closed off in some ways, we attract relationships that keep that kind of balance and tension - it's just too scary to get closer. I tried to practice just 'being', as I felt my protective shields coming down, I felt you coming closer to me - it felt weird and messy and scary and uncomfortable. I considered it a gift and a sign that I was on the right track. I practiced visualizing you coming closer to me while my defenses and shields were down. That is why I wanted our relationship to move slowly, in the beginning, to allow you to come in really close to me while I was relaxed and undefended. Sometimes, I experienced moments of falling back into old patterns but I realized quickly that adversely affected my relationship with you. Baby, I'm so sorry when I slipped and let that happened. Those old patterns and habits are difficult for me to break. I have been trying so hard to not allow those old patterns and habits to affect me or our relationship. I don't want to lose you or cause you to walk out on me. Baby, because of you and these changes in my life, I have been able to feel certain emotions for the first time, in a very long time. I have been able to cry, something I have not done since I was 12 years old when I vowed to never cry again. I have been able to feel the emotions, to cry with tears of joy, happiness, sorrow, hurt and sadness now. When you came into my life, I lowered the shields that protected me for a very long time so I could feel what the good Lord prepared me for sending you in my life. By doing so, I have experienced a much deeper love, joy and happiness never experienced before. You gave me that gift. Baby, I have to tell you, I am really scared of what is ahead on this journey. I fear the unknown because I don't know how I'm going to react and feel those deep-seated issues that have been buried for so long. Knowing you will be here for me will help make it all better because I trust you." 

Stroking his face with my fingertips and kissing him softly. "Sweetheart, so that's how you are controlling your tendencies to your famous hissy fits? I'm so happy to know you figured out how to do that." 

Immersed in my eyes, "Yes Baby. I had to figure out something because I knew if I didn't, I would lose the most important person in my life, my true love...you. When you came back into my life, you made it perfectly clear you would not tolerate anger or jealousy. I had to find a way to resolve all my anger and jealousy issues. You witnessed plenty of that when I was at the angriest point in my life, the last time you were at Paisley working on those special projects. Things greatly improved since that time being released from my WB contract. However, other anger issues and jealousy were still beneath the surface that I needed to eradicated or I would lose you. I studied how to do it and the reward was so much greater than anything I anticipated. I opened my heart and mind to get closer to you, free of anger or jealousy. I found by doing so, it was the most intense, genuine feelings I have ever experienced. The way you showed me how to unconditionally forgive made most of these anger issues melt away."