Sanders Sides Boiz Oneshots

Ravens and Writing Desks [DLAMP]

Someone tell me, why is a raven like a writing desk? I have my own answer, but I want to see yours. Comment!

Also beware, this is a killer crackshot.

STORYTIME!

Guess who just finished watching Alice in Wonderland? Deceit, Roman, Patton, and Virgil. Guess who has to suffer because he didn't watch it with them? Logan. Yes, Logan was off reading a book and actually being productive while his boyfriend went to go watch a movie for cuddle time. And boy did he have to suffer...

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"Lo."

Logan Turned around and saw Virgil standing there, leaning on his wall with a sucker in his mouth. One of those DumDum suckers based on the little stick he twirled around between his lips. Logan pushed his office chair away from the desk enough to turn around and face his boyfriend, being serious boi.

"Yes, Virgil?"

"Why is a Raven like a Writing Desk?"

For some reason unknown to mankind, Logan had forgotten what movie they had all just watched and the reference was way far out of Logan's current vocabulary terms. He decided to think of it logically. How was a raven like a writing desk? Were there any similarities whatsoever? Logan sighed, giving in. This was one question he did not know the answer to, and it's okay to admit that sometimes.

"I don't know. Why is a raven like a writing desk?"

Virgil smirked and shrugged before disappearing. He just snapped and poof, he was gone. Logan blinked as he processed what just happened. Virgil left him hanging without an answer. Great. Just perfect. Now that's going to eat at him all day. How on Earth is a raven like a writing desk? Logan scowled as he stood up and went to go searching for Virgil. Logan demanded a good explanation on why a raven is like a writing desk!

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"Logan, Hey! Wait up! I have a question for you!"

Logan sighed and halted himself, turning around to see the most optimistic and jubilant of his lover's rushing up to him, cuddling a cat plushie in his arms. He always hated that particular doll. The colorings were very faum. No way in real life would a cat be pink and magenta striped! It's simply unnatural. 

"Yes, Patton. What is your question."

"Why is a Raven like a Writing Desk?"

Logan froze and immediately scowled in distain. This question again? This was the very question he was seeking me to answer! Logan thought again on the possibilities. What are the similarities of a Raven and a Writing Desk? Could it be feathers? A writing desk means you have to write and you used to use a quil in olden times and a raven's feather could be used to make a quil. However that's farfetched. It's not a connection, it's a similarity. Compare and Contrast. With a sigh of defeat, Logan shook his head.

"I don't know. Why is a Raven like a Writing Desk?"

Patton giggled, placing a single index finger over his lips and turned around to walk away. Did Patton know the answer too? He and Virgil must be trying to torture him. Was this payback for not watching the movie with them. Blast it, he didn't even remember what movie his boyfriends watched. With a starvation and thirst for the answer, Logan went to follow him. Or find Virgil. Whichever comes first.  

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"Hey Logan, I got a question for you. It's a real brain teaser."

Oh boy, another question. What was the probability that Roman was going to ask it? At this rate with both times being it, Logan would estimate a 50% probability or higher. With an annoyed expression, Logan halter and turned around. Roman as standing there with his normal cheesy grin. But this time he was wearing a teal top hat with the ace of hearts tucked into the ribbon around it. Peculiar. And it didn't go with the outfit. Normally Roman's fashion-related OCD would be triggered, however he still wore this hat. Why?

"Let me guess, it's why a Raven is like a Writing Desk?"

"Why is a Raven like a Writing Desk!"

Logan groaned, rubbing his temples with his fingers. Why can't his boyfriends simply give him a rest? He does not KNOW why a raven Is like a writing desk! He just wants to FIND OUT! But every time he admits defeat his boyfriend would dissapear without a Trace! It drove Logan so insane he was oh so very close to ripping out tufts of his own hair! With a glare, Logan seethed out the same response he had given Logan and Patton. 

"I don't know! Why is a Raven like a Writing Desk!?!"

Much to Logan's dismay, Roman sunk out and dissapeared. Logan held in an aggravated scream. Of course! Why not?! Since Logan is obviously not going to be able to find any of them, he better go find Deceit. He may not be the most truthful, but he can at least tell him a lie to satisfy this thirst for knowledge. It may be false knowledge, but Logan was desperate for anything at this point. Besides, Deceit is in this polysanders relationship and deserves attention too. 

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"DECEIT!!!"

Logan screamed when he finally saw his final boyfriend chilling. He was sitting on the arm of the couch, filing his nails. For once, his yellow gloves were actually off. He looked up from what he was doing to see Logan fuming. Instead of greeting him with a flirty remark or a lie about how awful he was that was so painfully obvious that the sides took the sarcasm well, he just let him rush up to him and speak.

"TELL ME WHY A RAVEN IS LIKE A WRITING DESK, NOW!"

Logan clenched his fists on the sides of his body, filled with maddening ignorance driving him insane to the very core. Why was this riddle so hard?! Deceit stared at him for a really long time before laughing. He conjured a DVD case and showed it to Logan. It was the cartoon Disney version of Alice in Wonderland.

"Logan. You're so calm over something oh so very serious. Ravens and Writing Desks have nothing in common. It's a silly little line from the Mad Hatter in the movie we watched earlier. The prank on you was all Virgil's idea and not mine whatsoever."

Logan is so stupid. He facepalmed. Of course. The cat doll. The hat. The lollipop probably didn't have any tie into the movie but it must have been good. Logan silently turned around, face returning stoic, and he went to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and took out a bottle of sparkling cider and some prosciutto panino. 

It's gonna be a long night.

1117 Words

I'm tired. Goodnight. Ilysm.

~Eva