Sanders Sides Boiz Oneshots

Good Job [Snuke]

Someone in the comments gave me this ship name they found and it's way better than Duceit so I changed it. Remus has now entered the fandom and we welcomed this Dick Dastardly Beetlejuice Oscar the Grouch with open arms.

This does have heavy headcannons from me so be warned.

STORYTIME!

Remus returned from the spot where Roman sat with a great grin on his face. Sure, he lost, but he did what he was told to do. When he went back to his room to grab another deodorant to snack on, or maybe a jar of mayo he couldn't decide, he was thrilled to see Deceit in there. He was waiting for him, flicking his foot like a cat's tail with his leg crossed over the other. Deceit was smirking. They got the job done. It was just like in the little song he sung at the beginning of the argument: They only wanted Thomas to be more honest about the ugliness that resides in himself. It's the first step to domination and/or being treated with the love that they crave. Either works.

"Bravo, Remus, Bravo. It seems that a lesson was taught after all. You deserve a treat. Here, Bon Appetit"

Deceit threw one of Remus's favorite treats: Dirty Gym Socks and Underwear. Matching set too. Remus is still creativity, so everything has to be picture perfect. He like glitter and matching clothes. Remus slurped yo the socks like spaghetti and munched on the underwear, sitting next to Deceit on his bed. Remus is clingy and needs to be spoonfed compliments to appease his ego. Deceit was more than happy to do this for him. Deceit ran his fingers through his hair, making sure he knew he did a wonderful job.

"What a wonderful man, doing wonderful work. Tonight you deserve to go all out. Perhaps we should send Patton and Virgil a disturbing thought to make sure they took the lesson to heart?"

Remus gasped, already getting ideas. Remus rubbed his hands together, then he landed his eyes on the jar of mayo. Ha ha! That could be it! Remus could just eerily stand in the doorway and eat the mayo with a spoon! Remus cackled, getting his idea. Deceit just watched him, smiling as Remus's doekily made a plan, mumbling to himself and acting like a cartoon villain from the early two thousands. That's the difference between Deceit and Remus as villains. Remus is Dick Dastardly while Deceit is Mr. Hyde.

"Mayo! Mayo is new! Mayo is the answer! I shall disturb them with Mayo! Oh oh oh! AND I'll add Joan to make it even more disturbing! Like! Like... Like having them slather Thomas in Mayo! A beautiful thought if I do say so myself! What do you think, Dee?"

Ooh, saucy. Thomas always hated having sexy dreams about him his friends. The mayo is new and the texture would feel gross on his skin. Perhaps Deceit could work it so that's he could "feel" the mayo on his skin. He'd just have to sneak his way to the congnitive distortions and use the nerves. Deceit nodded and Remus momentarily celebrated his great scheme. Remus was a funny little dork. He amused Deceit greatly. That's why he had grown fond of the Innuendo Oscar the Grouch.

"Remus, Darling, come here. The condiments can wait."

Remus rose an eyebrow, looking back over st Deceit who hadn't moved a muscle. Remus walked over slowly and sat down next to him, co fused hernia obedient. If you know who Camilla is from the Kingdom of Nohr, it's kind of like the doting affection Deceit feels for Remus... but romantic. Deceit was very proud of Remus. He did an amazing job. His whole performance was organically. It wasn't fake, it was real. Deceit know how it feels to have all the hate and find Virgil receiving love when they can't. It hurts... a lot... so Deceit wants to make sure with 110% certainty that Remus isn't hurting because of that.

"Remus, you know that you are loved by all of us right? We don't need them. You are amazing, wonderdul, and quirky in your own way."

Deceit had to sprinkle in a tiny white lie in there, but it seems worth it. Remus ended up grinning at his words, extremely happy to know that he is wanted.  Everybody is wanted by someone. Deceit knows how it feels to be completely unwanted. He was the very first dark side. The first one made. The first one who had nobody who loved him. Then came others, then came Remus around adolescence, then Virgil around the teenage years then come more others as he grew. Deceit didn't want anyone to go unloved like he had, even the darkest of dark sides. He's basically the king of them all, though some are more powerful than he. He was the first, therefore he holds the position of power.

"Heh heh heh! I know, Deceit. You need to stop smothering me. I'm an independent dark side now. I got my own episode and tumblr fan pages. I know you're attatched to me, oddly enough. But you need to chill out. Eat a deodorant and stop acting like such a Mom."

Deceit stared at him. He never expected soemthing like that to come out of Remus's mouth. It was so uncharscteristic for him. Remus was also surprised an about the words that came out of his own mouth. Deceit was being such a Mom. Like Logan. Remus cackled again, watching Deceit's face twist with confusion and repulsion. Remus was aware, and Remus loved to mess with him. He stopped laughing when he saw Deceit with the freeze Ray from Dispicable Me.

"You son of a bitch. You Chill out!"

Remus tried conjure a cool gun to shoot him back before he'd Ben frozen in a block of ice, but all he got was the piranha gun. That's the true difference between the two: Gru and Vector. Deceit shot his entire body, leaving his head so he can talk. Deceit snickered and threw the gun behind him, not caring where it lands or if it misfires. Remus scowled at him as Deceit walked around him, not bothering to touch him, as he grabs his jar of mayo. Silently, he swapped out the contents from Mayo to Yogurt. He took a spoon and began to eat it, causing Remus to whine.

"Oh come ooooooon! That's my Mayo! I was going to keep Thomas up at three in the morning having Joan slather him in that! Deceeeeeeeeeit! Stooooooooooooop!"

Deceit smirked at him in victory, continuing to eat the yogurt out of the Mayo container. Remus realized that Deceit could be fooling him like he normally does with all the other sides. Remus couldn't move his body, so he did the only thing he could, he used his mind to change the container back to mayo. Deceit's face twisted when he got warm, yucky mayo instead of slightly cold vanilla yogurt. Remus cackled.

"I win!"

Deceit flared at him. He took the mayo jar and held it upside down over Remus's Head. He poured the mayo on his head to get back at him. He forgot that Remus enjoyed this sort of thing. The torture was that all the mayo fell nowhere near his mouth and he couldn't eat it though it was right there. He can't use his hands or body since everything but his head was encased in Ice. Remus scowled at Deceit when he realized this.

"I hate you."

Deceit laughed. Come on Remus, lying was Deceit's thing! Deceit booped his nose, celebrating his victory.

"I love you too."

This is what a relationship in the dark sides looks like.

1250 Words

Nobody deserves to be left out. Everyone deserves some sort of love. And everyone is wanted by someone. Everyone will be wanted by someone. Period.

Internet hugs and blow kisses!

~Eva