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When FP wakes up in the morning he's delighted to feel Alice still wrapped up in his arms like she had been when they went to bed. He nuzzles his face into her hair and his senses are overwhelmed with the scent of her shampoo.
He's still tired and is about to go right back to sleep when he hears Alice speak, quietly. "Good morning."
"Morning, babe." He mumbles. "How long have you been awake?"
"A little while, you seemed so peaceful I didn't want to wake you. Plus, it's early."
"How early?" He questions, drawing her closer.
"5:30."
His eyes shoot open to look at the clock. "Why are you awake so early? It's a Saturday."
"I just couldn't sleep."
"Everything okay?"
"Yeah, I was just thinking."
"Thinking about what?" He can tell something's bothering her as he watches her chew on her bottom lip.
"Nothing, it's fine. Just go back to sleep, I'm tired."
"It's not nothing, Alice. I can tell something's wrong so, talk to me."
"It's stupid, I'm just overthinking stuff, you know how I get."
"Nothing you say or think is stupid, Al. You've had some rough times, it's understandable that you overthink stuff and have some dark thoughts, but I'm here and you can tell me anything and everything, no matter how crazy you deem them to be." She turns her head and gives him a soft smile. "Now, tell me what's going on."
"I was just thinking about you and I." She starts.
"Okay, what were you thinking about, exactly?"
"I... it's stupid, I'm telling you, I don't want to sound all paranoid and clingy." She sighs and he can see her cheeks flush.
He reaches for her hands and holds them in his own, remembering from when they were teens, that when she gets stressed or upset, she'll sometimes dig her nail into her palms. It hasn't happened in a while now that things aren't as crazy in her life but she has faded scars from when her life was falling to pieces.
"Hey, you don't have to worry about that with me. I'm not going to judge you."
"I'm just scared that I'm going to lose you again, that you're going to leave me." He sees her lips quiver slightly and his heart breaks.
He frowns. "Al, you don't have to worry about that. Why would you think that?"
"Because I've lost you so many times, so many people have walked out of my life, I don't know if I can handle it again." She wipes away a tear that falls from her eye. "I'm not scared that you'll cheat on me or lie to me, I'm just scared that one day you're going to see how utterly screwed up I am. I'm scared that once the thrill of being together is gone and you realize that this is real, that you're not going to want me. I'm scared that you'll notice all of my flaws, like the wrinkles by my eyes and my smile lines, the faint stretch marks from when I had the girls. The way I overreact and obsess over little things. How I cry way too often over little things, how I'm always so paranoid, how hot headed I am, how stubborn I am. I'm terrified that one day you're going to wake up and just realize that it's too much, that I'm too much too handle. I'm scared you'll stop loving me and leave me again."
His jaw drops slightly and she wipes the tears that have rolled down her cheeks. He pulls her close and wraps her in a tight hug. "You never have to worry about any of that with me, Alice."
"You can say that now but what happens when this little honeymoon stage we're in is over, then what?"
"Then we start the next chapter of our lives." He answers easily. She turns to look at him, searching his eyes. "Alice, I have loved you for pretty much my entire life, you're a real pain in the ass but there's no one I would rather have piss me off for the rest of my life." She smiles and swats his shoulder. "I'm serious though, all those things you mentioned? Those are just even more reason why I love you. The wrinkles by your eyes and your smile lines? I love them, because they just remind me of your beautiful smile and all the joy you've brought into my life. The stretch marks? Those just remind that you're freaking superwoman and brought three beautiful babies into this world. Yes you overreact sometimes but it's cute to me. What you call obsessing I call dedication. Crying isn't going to make me run away, I'm here to wipe your tears and kick anyone's ass who causes them. Yes you're hot headed, but I find it strangely sexy when you're angry so I don't mind." She laughs and he smiles. "You're stubborn, probably the most stubborn person I know, but it's just who you are, it's not a flaw in my mind and it doesn't bother me. I find it endearing."
He wipes a tear from her cheek and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "I'm not going to wake up one day and just fall out of love with you, I have been able to stop loving you for the past twenty years, it's never going to happen. You're my soulmate, Al. I never believed in that stuff until I met you. I'm always going to love and I'm not going to leave you ever again, you're my girl, I'm crazy about you, that's never going to change."
She leans over and kisses him, feeling his arms circle around her back as he kisses her back. "I love you." She mumbles against his lips.
"I love you too, baby. So much."
"I'm sorry, I just let my brain get the best of me and-" he stops her with a finger to her lips.
"You don't have to explain yourself, I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to be loving you for the rest of my life, forever."
