Joshaya one shots

Emails I Cant Send

I got this idea a while ago when I heard Sabrina carpenter first release this publicly. Hope you enjoy!
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Why Joshua Matthews was given a key to his girlfriend's apartment by her father, of all people, he hadn't the first clue. Perhaps he had good luck, perhaps God just favored him.

Perhaps spending his entire childhood being the good kid that never got into much trouble and proved how mature he was for his age really helped go a long way. So long that the man who had known him since birth and looked at him like his own little brother trusted him enough to have a key to the apartment.

Of course, it was for 'emergencies' only. But Shawn never exactly specified what emergencies meant. As far as Josh knew, being kicked out of your dorm room by your roommate who is trying to get 'lucky' was an emergency. And even though Cory and Topanga would be more than happy to let him stay over at their apartment, Maya's was closer. Therefore it made more sense for him to go to Maya's then to strain his health even more to take the extra mile to Cory and Topanga's.

Josh bit his lip. Yes. It seemed like a great 'emergency' to him.

He quietly used his key and turned the lock. He let himself in and closed it quietly, locking it back into place. He placed his stuff by the door, closing his mouth and catching him self before he called Maya's name out when he heard the sound of a piano playing and a muffled voice. He made his way down the hall and leaned against the doorframe as he listened to his girlfriend.

"Its times like these,
wish I had a time machine,
So I could see what you did October 13th,
At 10:15, were you really asleep?
Were you lying to me,
And the family?"

Josh crossed his arms over his chest as he listened. He hadn't been aware that Maya could sing or play piano. They had been dating for about six months at this point. Of course, he was sure that there were a lot of things that he still didn't know about her. Things that he was still learning every day.

"There's no us in us,
When I'm lacking trust,
You wanna discuss,
Ugh you disgust me,
Don't make me cuss you out,
Why'd you let me down,
Don't say sorry now."

Josh let his eyes fall to the floor. Her voice was amazing. Her piano playing was incredible. But these lyrics were heartbreaking. And he didn't have to ask who she was singing about.

"And thanks to you I,
I can't live right,
I get nice guys and villainies them,
Read they're texts like they're,
Having sex right now,
Scared I'll find out,
That's it's true and,
If I do then,
I blame you for,
Every worst that I assume."

Josh winced at those lyrics. Even though he had no idea what Maya was feeling. He knew what she had been though, and that was enough to make these lyrics cut him to the core.

"When I'm forty-five someone
Calls me their wife and he
Fucks our lives in one
Selfish night don't think I'll
Find forgiveness as fast as mom did
And God I love you but you're
Such a dipshit
Please fucking fix this."

The emotion in her voice. It was undeniable.

"Cause you were all I looked up to
Now I can't even look at you."

She finished the song. There was silence for a moment as Maya let out a small chuckle to herself. She closed the book that was set out in front of her on the keyboard.

Josh didn't say anything. He debated with himself on if he should quietly back out and sneak over to the front door, opening it and closing it again just to make noise and announce his presence.

Perhaps he should just pretend like he just got there, not letting her know that he had heard the whole thing. In a way it seemed too personal, sort of like a diary. Something she probably meant for nobody to hear.

Before he could make the slightest movement to turn around, Maya got up from the piano and grabbed her song book. She turned around just as Josh straightened up and her eyes widened as she saw him standing there.

"Uh-hey." He said lamely. Maya just confined to stare at him shocked. "I uh, I came through the front door just a moment ago." He said again as he pointed behind him.

"I suppose you heard all of that then." She said quietly. Josh thought for a moment about lying, but he wasn't sure what good that would do. It was obvious he had heard more than what he was supposed to.

"We can forget about it, if you'd rather." He told her. If it was one thing that he had learned about Maya in the course of their relationship, it was she did not like to talk about her past. She always told him that it didn't matter, she was over it and she didn't see what good it would do to bring it back up now.

Josh didn't agree with her. He believed that if you were going to have a serious relationship with someone then you should be able to sit down and talk about past issues in your life. Be an open book to one another and not let there be anything hidden deep down that can cause issues for the relationship further down the road. He also believed that it would make their relationship stronger, to be able to know the other one inside and out, to have that deep connection.

But they had only been dating for six months. And even though they were only getting more and more serious as each day went on, perhaps it was still too soon to try and push Maya for answers about her past. So instead he continued to show her about much he loved her and how he wasn't leaving her. And maybe one day she would feel comfortable enough to open up to him.

"It's not what you might think." Maya told him as she shook her head. "I wrote that when I was in a really dark place. Before I even thought there would ever be an us."

"You don't have to explain." Josh said. He frowned at her, not sure why she would be so on the defensive about it.

"You're a great guy, Josh. Please don't think I take that for granted." She whispered.

Ah, he thought. What was that line again? I take nice guys and I Villainies them or something like that. It hadn't crossed his mind that she was talking about him.

"I've always liked you." She interrupted his thoughts. "But, there was a time where after you and I agreed on 'someday' where I got scared. Not necessarily that you would leave but that I wouldn't be able to accept your love for me. I always feared there would be a part of me that pushed you away. Not because I was scared of what you would do, but because of what you could." Josh stated at her. "And I knew that wasn't fair to you."

Maya turned around and unplugged the keyboard, picking it up and setting it gently down on her bed. She started to fold the stand up when Josh entered her room completely and shut the door behind him.

"It's a good song." He told her as he walked up behind her. "The lyrics are really bold and straight to the point. It has a lot of emotion behind it, very powerful." He grabbed her arm gently and turned her around to face him. "You should never have to apologize for having feelings like that. Especially if this is your way of coping with them."

Maya gave him a half smile as he leaned and kissed her softly. It was the first time that she had ever opened up to him about anything regarding her past. And for now, he would take it. Because it was a step in the direction he so badly wanted them to go.

"Now," he said after pulling away. "Why am I just now finding out you can sing and play piano? I'm pulling the boyfriend card, I want you to play something else for me."

Maya laughed as she shook her head in protest. And as they got into one of their playful arguments as he tried to set the piano back up, Maya found herself wishing she could go back in time and tell a younger version of herself to keep holding on. Everything would work out in the end.
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Thanks for reading!!