My Diary

Entry 164

September 20, 2024
10:15 P.M.
Friday

Hello. How crazy that I'm creating two entries in one month, huh? Man, I remember when I was a teenager and I used to post in here daily. Working has made me too exhausted to do so. Either way, what has Zoë been up to since the beginning of the month? Well, like I said before, I've been attending church again. So far it's been good. Had an activity last night where we played volleyball afterwards which was really fun. I haven't touched a volleyball in like ten years, though so I sucked at serving the ball, haha. But I had fun. So far everyone has been nice. I haven't had any judgmental people, including the missionaries that I've been talking to. They're very open-minded, which is nice. The last missionaries I talked to were hella judgmental. They basically convinced my younger brother that he was going to burn in hell because he drank a cup of tea. It was ridiculous. But yeah, everyone here is all cool with the LGBT community and different races, etc. It's nice to be with a group of religious people who aren't shaming others for who they are. The other week at church, we were talking about revelations which made me realize a revelation I think occurred recently. As I mentioned last entry, I sadly went back into self harming. I was not doing okay mentally. However, while deep in my depression, I was contacted by the missionaries who wanted to speak to me. I was iffy at first as I hadn't been to church in years but as we kept talking, I was thinking you know, why the hell not? So looking back, this is a revelation. Maybe it was planned for the missionaries to come to my aid when I was the deepest in my depression. Maybe God wants to reclaim faith again and maybe I'll be happier if I do. So far, I guess I am a little happier. I've been clean from self-harm for at least a week which is always a plus. Also, who knows? Maybe I'll find myself a nice Mormon boy, haha. I've been single for so long and I'm so tired of men who just want sex. I feel like a used up tube at this point. I feel icky and gross about myself. Sex is meaningless to me at this point. I hate sex now. So you know, Mormons aren't supposed to have sex until marriage so maybe a nice Mormon boy will actually show interest in me as a person and not just wanting to fuck. Who knows? Haha. Either way, I have nothing else to really add. I just thought to update y'all a little. Anyway, thanks for listening I suppose, ha.