Seulki tells the world just how much she loves herself
Seulki breathed heavy as she finished the number. She had been working on a new solo track and hadn't told any of the boys or fans. She had brought it up with Bang when she was finally cleared to start working again. She wanted the world and ARMY to know that she loved herself.
The song told the story of her last few months of struggles. Falling into the deep abyss of depression, anxiety and eating disorder. How she felt when it all first started, how she managed through it, how the boys were there for her. How Hyungwon and her friends were there. But her favorite part, and the only person she mentions by name, is who pushed her over the edge. Sooji,
Sure, it was a song about how she overcame the hardships she had the past few months, but it was also a diss track. She never tried to use her fame and popularity for anything, but she was taking advantage of it right now. She knew that the song would get millions of views, get hyped up by fans. There was no way Sooji couldn't hear it.
She wanted her to hear it. Wanted her to hear how shitty of friend she was after she was offered an opportunity they'd all been chasing for at the time. How she wasn't the supportive best friend Seulki always thought of her to be, How her words hurt and that sure, she can hurt her but she wanted her to know that her words could seriously damage others.
She smiled proudly at herself in the mirror. It had been rough, no doubt about it. But now, she was standing here at a healthy weight, without makeup caking her face. Hair sprawled out everywhere, stains on her leggings and sweat dripping down her face. She grinned and laughed. Because she no longer cared. Her outward appearance meant nothing for how she was as a person.
It took a while for her to realize that. It took a lot from the boys to help her realize that. A lot from her friends. She had never felt as comfortable in her own skin as she did now. Sure, there was some days that were rougher than others. Sure, she had days where all she wanted to do was avoid food at all costs or cover herself up in racing thoughts that she'd be judged for how she looked.
But she welcomed those days now instead of fearing them. She was only human and someone who wasn't in her position would have the same anxieties. She pressed play, dancing around again and really taking the time to just enjoy it instead of focusing on all the technical stuff. She still cared about her performance, but it always came easy to her. She just wanted to live in the moment for right now and have fun. The technical stuff could come later.
"It's really nice to walk in here and see you smiling instead of frowning." She turned, offering a dazzling smile to Namjoon who was watching proudly from the doorway. She hoped he hadn't seen any of the moves. She really wanted it to be a surprise. This was all for her, mostly. But she always hoped that it would convey to the boys that she was okay.
That she didn't need them to worry and constantly watch her now. That she could turn to them whenever she was feeling down, no matter how stupid the reason. That they could leave the dorm for a few days or let her stay at her apartment for a few days without having to worry if she was taking care of herself. She wanted them to know she had surpassed this, with their help and that she was okay.
"It feels nice to smile more," she said and Namjoon chuckled, tossing her a towel and water bottle. "What're you practicing? It didn't look like one of our choreographies." She bit her cheek, cursing herself for getting too lost in the moment and now probably spoiling the surprise. One thing she absolutely adored about Namjoon is that he was smart, but also really gullible.
"It's nothing. Just having fun doing some covers." She lied and he shrugged, just happy that she was happy and having fun. "You up for going out for dinner? Jin doesn't feel like cooking and we haven't had a family meal in forever." She nodded, running out of the room to change and put on some deodorant. Namjoon knew she was lying, but he didn't get the gut feeling like it was something he needed to worry about.
But his curiosity took over and he tried to glance at her phone. "Step away." He jumped at her voice and turned around, cheeks flushing and smiling sheepishly. "Sorry." She rolled her eyes, grabbed her phone and followed him out. Once at the restaurant, Seulki was nervously fiddling with her thumbs. "You okay?" Yoongi asked and she nodded, offering a smile. She was doing that a lot lately and she was loving it even if her cheeks were sore.
"I actually wanted to ask you all something." They nodded, waiting for her to go on. "I—well, you see—there's this thing tomorrow."
"Spit it out." Jimin teased and she slapped his shoulder but continued.
"I have a special performance tomorrow on Mnet and I'd really like if you could all be there." Of course, they didn't hesitate to make sure their schedules would be cleared. And now, here she was, in one of her favorite stage outfits she'd ever had. Jeans and a cute t-shirt. She really wanted to be carefree and she felt that. Her hair had it's natural waves and her makeup was kept to a minimum. She felt light and excited.
She smiled wider when she saw all the boys sitting right at the front, looking confused but excited. And finally, it was her turn. She sang loud, proud and with power. Her aura wasn't the usual powerful, commanding presence. It was playful, cute, funny but still held some power behind it. Once the verse of her diss came out, she almost laughed at the faces that the boys made.
It ended and the rest went on. When she walked back to change and get ready to go home, she was bombarded by 7 men, hugging her tightly. "That was amazing!"
"Why didn't you tell us you working on a solo song?!"
"I hope that bitch hears that diss."
She smacked Jungkook upside his head and he stuck his tongue out. She smiled though, happy that she was able to surprise them. "I liked that it looked like you were having fun more than anything." Hoseok said and she nodded. "I've been feeling very free lately. And fun. So, I want to have fun."
"Well, you did amazing as always, but this was probably the best you've ever done." Jin said, looking at her like a proud dad. She smiled, kissing his cheek. "C'mon, I'll buy us dinner tonight. And champagne to celebrate!" She said, leading them out to the vans awaiting them.
Namjoon and Yoongi strayed behind, smiles on their faces. "She was really amazing," Namjoon hummed and Yoongi nodded in response. "It's a whole new Seulki." Namjoon chuckled as they started to follow the others out. "No, hyung. Not a new Seulki. Just Seulki who loves herself and shaming others." Yoongi smiled and nodded.
"She gets it from me."
