Seulki puts some space between her and the group
Seulki had woken up very early the next morning, still reeling in anger and hurt from the argument just a few hours ago. She really didn't want to see anyone, let alone talk about it right now. She knew herself well enough to know that her emotions were still running high and it would only result in more hurtful things being said.
But what hurt her the most was that she didn't feel as if any of the members had objected to Taehyung's statement. Sure, Yoongi had stepped in and tried to stop it. The others tried to make it stop, but no one had directly refuted the statement. And that hurt more than him saying it. She packed most of her stuff in her bag, leaving the dorm quietly.
She entered her apartment. It was usually a place where she could relax and unwind, but right now, it was dark and cold. She'd be lying if she didn't say she felt a little alone. She had time to reflect a little on her argument with Taehyung. She had been acting like a child to Hyungwon and she needed to apologize for that. But standing in her dark, large apartment just made her feel small. She couldn't apologize with how her emotions were right now.
She needed space; from the boys, from Hyungwon, from the girls that she was starting to consider part of her family. She didn't want to drag anyone else into this drama because it wasn't there's to hear or deal with. It was hers. And she had figured—if anything—she needed to start growing up and growing up now. And that started with knowing she needed space.
They had all had their arguments. Living with the same people for years, training with them everyday almost 24 hours a day, working with them for more than the half the day, there was bound to be fights and disagreements. They were always able to work them out and Seulki knew they could work this one out too—eventually. But right now, she needed space and even if they didn't know it yet, they needed space.
Of course, it'd be hard with Jimin and Jungkook's apartments just down the hall. But she had mustered up enough energy to call the building manager to send someone to change her passcode. She knew Jimin and Jungkook would come when they found her gone when they woke up, knew they would try and apologize for Taehyung, say that he didn't mean it, that everyone was just stressed with promotions starting. Knew that they would gently tell her how they agreed with some things he said.
Which was fine with her, when she was in a clearer head space. She knew she wasn't the easiest person to deal with, let alone live with. She was a little closed off, took everything on her shoulders and tried to handle it herself. And obviously that didn't end up well the last time she tried to handle it on her own. But she was better now and she could handle this. It'd be hard and awkward seeing as she couldn't just drop out of promotions, but the space was needed.
She had made the decision to only talk to them about work related things, only see them for work related things and promotions and outside of that, just keep to herself until she was in a better headspace to have a conversation like an adult. But that started with her apologizing to Hyungwon first. She had no reason to treat him the way she had been, no reason to get mad at him. She knew she probably made the stress worse with how she was acting on top of what he was already dealing with.
She was truly amazed at how he put up with her. How patient he could be with her. It only made her feelings deeper for him, but she needed to start being more independent and start growing up. Her childhood wasn't ideal, but she couldn't blame anyone for that. Her parents supported her and cared for her, but their work did come first. Expressing emotions healthily wasn't something she learned growing up.
They provided her a good life and she knew that—much better than most people she had encountered. But sometimes it was hard for her to forgive them for not being around and leaving strangers to raise her. To keep moving her from place to place that she never found a way to form proper relationships. Which was something that was becoming apparent right now. The one friend she did think she had, she didn't anymore. She hadn't the moment since she chose to become a trainee for BigHit. And she had to accept that now.
That she was truly alone. It wasn't a nice feeling, but it was a normal feeling for her. Her phone buzzing on the table snapped her out of her thoughts and she glanced at it. How long had she'd been sitting there—in the dark—just lost in her thoughts? She frowned at Yoongi's name on her phone. He never called unless he was truly worried or it was important. While she knew this was important, she couldn't bring herself to answer the phone. Until it buzzed again. And again. And again.
Finally, she picked it up. "Hello?" She heard Yoongi sigh in relief over the phone and she rolled her eyes. She really wasn't that much of a child that they needed to worry every second she was away. She doubted she could even use the bathroom in the dorm without one of them worrying something was going on. But—again—she had given them every right to feel that way. She didn't want them to feel that way anymore.
"Where are you?"
"Home."
"More than half your stuff is out of your room. What's going on?"
"Nothing."
She could practically see him clenching his jaw at her short answers, but she didn't care right now. She needed him off the phone. "You need to come back so we can talk about this." She sighed, leaning back on the couch and facing the ceiling. She should probably turn the lights on or open the curtains. "This can't be fixed right now, Yoongi."
"You haven't even tried."
It was her turn to clench her jaw. She hadn't tried? She had tried to end it last night. With the plan of going to her room and sleeping, giving both her and Taehyung time to cool off and talk in the morning. But Taehyung had continued. And no one stepped in to stop him. Until it was too late.
"I'm home, I'm safe. I'll see you for our schedule. But I need space, oppa. We all need space."
"What are you even talking about Choi Seulki? Space? The schedule? How do you expect the schedule to go if you don't come talk this out?"
"You and I both know I can put on a great show."
He grunted. "Don't act this way, Seulki."
"I don't understand what you all want from me. You asked me to be honest about how I'm feeling and I am. I said I'm feeling like I need space and you're telling me I'm not trying."
"That's not—I didn't—it wasn't meant that way." He said quietly and Seulki sighed.
"I'm hanging up now, Yoongi. I'll see you all at our schedule."
She hung up before he could say anything else, texting her manager to pick her up at her apartment, not the dorm. She turned her phone on silent, knowing she would receive phone call upon phone call and message upon message. They asked her long ago to be honest with them, tell them how she's feeling and how they can help. And now she was confused, because she had done just that. But yet, she was still told she wasn't trying, that she was acting a certain way. What more did they want from her?
All she knew right now was that she needed to eat and start getting ready and she did just that, trying to push any other thoughts from her mind until she returned home later tonight.
Space. She needed space.
