Seulki sucks up her fear
Seulki took a deep breath as she waited for Hyungwon to get to her apartment. They hadn't seen each other in a few weeks physically, but she always loved how he made time to video chat her at least once a day. She couldn't help but feel just slightly annoyed that if they just lived together, they wouldn't have that issue. But, she was trying to take everyone's advice at face value. She didn't want to be pushy and she knew she could be.
But waiting for Hyungwon to ask—she didn't that would ever happen. At least not anytime soon. So, she was just going to suck up her fear of rejection and ask him again. The first time wasn't at outright rejection and his reasons were valid and he was right; at the moment in time Seulki had to many things going on to add living with her boyfriend to the mix.
But she was in a much better place now and much more happier and accepting of things she couldn't change. "Honey, I'm home!" She laughed as his voice rang out in her apartment. She stood up, walking towards him and wrapping her arms around his waist. "Welcome home, dear sir. It's been some time." She played along and he laughed, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "You're looking beautiful as ever, darling." He mused and she blushed slightly, burying her face into his chest.
"And you're as devishly handsome as always," she flirted back, feeling proud when the tips of his ears turned red. "Well, it's hard to be ugly when you look like this, ya know?" He said, moving his hand in a circle around his face and she laughed, elbowing him in the side before pulling him to the couch. "You look great, really, jagiya." He said quietly and she smiled. If there was one thing about Hyungwon that Seulki absolutely adored—and hated—was that his words always had a deeper meaning behind them.
"I've been doing really well, oppa. I've gained a lot of the weight back. Not all of it, but enough to be consider healthy again." She said and he smiled, nodding his head. "I can tell. In a good way. You're shining more than you usually do. You really look happier." She grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together and leaning her head against his chest. "I'm proud of you, baby." He said quietly and she squeezed his hand in response, a smile on her face.
"So, I have a question." She asked and Hyungwon hummed, eyes already closed. She snorted. That boy could literally fall asleep anywhere. "It's a serious one," she said, raising her eyebrows and he pulled his head up, looking at her with a lazy smile. "I'm all ears." He said and she sighed. "I'm serious, Hyungwon. I've asked too many people how to do this." He sat up a little straighter, looking more awake.
"Are you breaking up with me?" She looked at him with her wide, hazel eyes. "Am I—what?" Hyungwon let out a shaky breath. "You've asked them all the best way to break up with someone." She shook her head violently. "No! Not at all!" He looked relieved and nodded his head. "Okay. Panic attack over. Now I'm really all ears." He grinned and she chuckled, smacking his arm.
"I want us to move in together. Whether that be you move in here or we find something together. But I want to take this next step. But I don't want to be pushy. But I'm too inpatient to wait around for you to ask too. So, I guess me not being pushy isn't really happening?" She bit her tongue to keep her from rambling on and Hyungwon just smiled, flicking her forehead.
"Yah!" She yelled, narrowing her eyes and hand flying up to cover the red spot that was most definitely forming. "Don't say it's serious like that." He teased and she glared at him. "It is serious! This isn't something to take lightly." His smile faltered a little. "I already have some drawers of my stuff here. And most of my toiletries are in your bathroom." He said and she let her shoulders slump a little.
"That's not the same, Won-ie." She said quietly, averting her gaze to her lap. Hyungwon sighed, sitting up a little more. "Isn't it enough for now?" He asked and she shrugged. "I mean, yeah. But it's not the same. It's here for when you're too tired to go back to your dorm or you spend the night randomly. Not because you want to stay here." Hyungwon let out another breath. Seulki fiddled with her fingers.
"Can I ask why you don't want to? I mean we've been dating for over a year and I know I love you. And I know you love me, too. Why are you so hesitant?" She didn't mean for the last part to sound as annoyed as she felt. He looked at her, brown eyes swimming with different things that she couldn't make out. "There's so much that could go wrong." He said and she raised her head a little higher, waiting for him to elaborate.
"The public doesn't know that we're dating yet. I mean, the articles at the beginning of us caused them to speculate, but we never confirmed it. What if we break up? It's totally different from seeing each other and me going home or you going home than seeing each other every day. We can't just leave if we get in a fight or argue." He let out a sigh, wishing she would just understand that there was so much more to this decision than seeing each other more.
"I don't plan on breaking up with you, Hyungwon. And just because the public doesn't know doesn't mean we can't live together. We'll just need to be careful. Unless you want to tell them." He shook his head immediately. "You've literally just come out of one of the worst ordeals because of the public. I'm not about to add dating rumors and more hate to that." He said. She didn't say anything, biting her bottom lip and feeling the familiar burn of tears in her eyes.
"We already have to be careful, S. Even just as single people. And sure, right now we don't plan on breaking up, but no one can predict what may happen in the future. I'm not saying that I want that to happen or that it will, but I'm trying to be realistic here." She didn't say anything, lost for words. "If you're not ready, you can just tell me." She spit out and Hyungwon groaned.
"I never said I wasn't ready. But I need to take into account everything that could happen. And yes, right now, I'm not ready for cameras to follow me around more than they already do or interviews to turn into Hyungwon's relationship story. Or go online and see people sending hate or death threats to either of us. Plus, my group has had so much crap these past few months, S. I don't want to add more right now. We're just getting back on our feet."
She didn't say anything, again. She knew he was just trying to do what he thought was best in his heart right now, but what about her heart? Didn't her opinions and feeling on this matter as well? Did he even take those into consideration? She couldn't even ask him that right now because all she was feeling was annoyed and hurt. "I think—I think I should go. I'll call you later?" He said, standing up at placing a kiss on her head.
"Don't bother." She hissed out and he sighed. "I'll still try, anyways. I love you." He said before turning around and walking out the door. Seulki sat there for hours, just glaring at the blank TV screen. She purposely shut her phone off so she wouldn't be tempted to answer when he called. Were they fighting right now? She didn't know. He was always passive and did what he could to not argue, but she was pretty sure that they were on the thin line.
She fell asleep on the couch that night, anger, disappointment, annoyance and hurt the only things to keep her company.
