All We've Got Is Basketball (Blake Griffin FanFic)

Chapter 143

I pulled the sheets up over my breasts a little more and looked over to a naked and asleep Blake. He was sound asleep, his arm draped over my lower hip, comfortably. I moved his arm as slow as possible off of me, and I shifted towards the side of the bed. I swung my legs off the side of the bed and got out, the cold air meeting my bare skin, as I threw the sheets towards the head of the bed, careful not to wake Blake and I searched for my clothes to pick them up. I creeped on the floorboards so they wouldn't creak, picking up clothes off the floor and throwing them into the hamper. I didn't want Blake to wake up. I didn't know how either of us would react to last night.

Before I could even finish my thought, Blake's deep, hoarse, sleep-filled voice greeted my ears. It was so pleasant. "Trying to sneak out of bed this early?" He caught me. My breath caught in my throat. "Don't get me wrong waking up to you naked... Damn, this is gonna be a damn good day." My cheeks flamed with embarrassment at his comment.

"We slept in pretty late, thought it would be best to clean up and get dressed before Hannah or Phoebe knows what we were up to," I told him. I didn't know why I felt so awkward. God, why did Blake have this effect on me? He had me acting crazy. No man had ever had this effect on me before. One second I wanted to scream my head off at him and the next? I wanted him in me, sucking on me, kissing me, telling me how much he loves me.

"I think the nanny knows we are having sex, Morgan, we are married, it isn't a crime," Blake pointed out. I guess he was right. We were married. And married couples had sex.

"I wasn't sneaking away from you, for the record," I cleared up.

"It's okay if you were, I know this is hard time for you."

"It's not a hard time," I argued back before he could continue.

"I hate what I did, that I left you here all alone right after something that traumatic happened, it's never going to happen again," He clarified.

"I don't wanna talk about it," I whispered back to him, just so he could barely hear.

"Well, too bad because we are going to talk now, I want to get this cleared up."

Rage bubbled inside of me, but I didn't let it win. I wanted to stay calm. "It was like you died. One day, doctors were swarming me, the media swarming me, everyone, everyone, swarming me and it felt like I couldn't even take a second to breathe or think or even process what was happening. Your mother constantly on the phone with me, crying her eyes out, talking about one day she is so happy because she is getting a grandson and the next? She's weeping because her son is lying on a table, in a hospital, with a bullet in his abdomen, dying. His pulse not even there. Your brother, crying in my arms, telling me stories about when you were little. As if you were already gone. DeAndre was... he was not even okay. Not anywhere near okay. Chris, he was there for me, just like I've always been there for him. Maya was doing the same, along with Skylar and Marjorie. But they kept telling me I was going to be okay. And Matt, he was gone. It was like he was gone. He couldn't even be around. He couldn't think about living without his best friend. My mother called, Paige and Regan even offered to fly out here for me. But it was like... Everyone was already talking about how I was going to be okay and it was like... Everyone already knew you were dead. And they were beginning to accept that you were gone. And I was there, all alone, still holding onto the small shred of hope that you were going to push through. Doctors were coming in and out, telling me about how you weren't going to make it. That I should say my goodbyes. They wanted me to fill out papers about your organs. Whether you wanted to be buried or cremated. The saddest part of it all? I was beginning to believe that you wouldn't make it through. That maybe everyone was right. I had to hold Hannah every single night, when she couldn't sleep and she was bawling her eyes out right in my arms. I had to be strong for her. Her and I would lay in our bed every damn night. And I would think... I might have to get used to this. Just me... her and a new baby boy that was on the way. Every single night. Without you. There was a point where I put my ear to your chest... Because I wanted to feel your heartbeat, the warmth of your chest, just one more time. And it was so faint... I could barely even hear it. I was there for you, when you got shot, when you crashed, when you coded, when you started to get better, up until the point where they released you. I was with you through it all, but as soon as you were okay and you felt normal, you sped off to Tokyo. For two months. The time when I needed you most, to give birth to our first child, you couldn't even call me. You didn't even shoot me a text... You were gone. It wasn't even those nights when you were in the hospital, when I could barely hear your heartbeat when I knew you could've been gone. It was when you went to Tokyo for two months, with barely calling me or anything... That's when I knew the love of my life truly was gone."

I didn't raise my voice, I didn't shred a tear, I didn't show any emotion. I didn't think I needed too. I think Blake got my message. I love this man standing in front of me more than anyone on Earth. But there was no one on Earth that could hurt me more than this man right in front of me right now. He had hurt me so bad, that I didn't think I would ever be able to trust him again. I would rather him cheat on me with Sugar, than to leave me while giving birth. Blake had really ruined this one. He could really tell this time. Every other time, I had shown some time of emotion, but this time; nothing. I was numb. For once, Blake didn't know what to say. Maybe I shouldn't have even spoke. But I felt like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Maybe Blake didn't want to hear what was on my mind, but I had to live with it.

"I don't know what to say," He whispered, staring at the bedsheets. I grabbed a pair of sweatpants and pulled them up, taking a deep breath.

"The people who you love the most, will hurt you the most," I reminded him, shaking my head, "I'm used to it."

"If I knew how much it hurt you... I wouldn't have gone," His voice was so soft and hurt, I almost felt sorry for telling him.

"You still don't get it," I shook my head and bit my lip. "I shouldn't have to tell you. You should've known. We didn't talk for five weeks, Blake."

"I did know, but so much was going on, and—" I cut him off, by putting my hand up to stop him from talking. I lowered my hand and took a deep breath. I needed time. Unfortunately, I think time was what our relationship was running out of.

"Do you want a divorce, Morgan?" The question didn't even shake me when it came. I knew he was going to ask me since it came up yesterday. I knew it was bothering him. But to be honest, it had been bothering me for a really long time. I didn't want to be apart from him. I really didn't. But I couldn't live with the fighting and the leaving and the craziness. I couldn't do it anymore. I was tired. I was so tired.

"I don't know," I whispered.

"But you've been thinking about it?" He asked almost immediately.

"Yes," I answered honestly. "I love you more than anything, I swear. But all this craziness... this really is too much for me."

"You don't think it's a lot on me too?" Here we go. Blake was going to turn this into a "It's Hurting Him Too" problem. It always turned into this.

"I guess," I responded, quietly. "I really do mean it when I say I love you so much it hurts."

"You don't think it hurts me?" He fired back. Here we go. "You cheated on me, Morgan and that still hurts me to this day. Don't you get that?"

"Yeah, and you left me alone on a table in a hospital giving birth to our kid," I said, calmly. "So I suppose we are even." He didn't say anything as I walked out of the room. I didn't want him to say anything, nor did I need him too.