Sanders Sides Parenting/Kids One-Shots

(140) Spit-Swapping - Royality and Sibling Analogical

Summary: Logan and Virgil are two teen siblings with parents that are very much in love. They just ask that they don't show that love in the kitchen.

Words: 1260

How does this story even start? Virgil's a normal cringey high schooler with two overbearing parents. On his first day of kindergarten the pair dressed in 'proud Dad' t-shirts and illegally stayed on school grounds to support their little boy in his difficult time. Every birthday gave Virgil infinite presents and a large party until he revealed he didn't like it, and from then his twelfth birthday onwards was a simple gathering with his family in his home and an equal amount of presents.

So when Virgil went downstairs from his room in search of monster energy drinks he was not surprised to see his fathers making out on the kitchen counters. "Ew, guys! Do you have to do this when I still live with you?"

"You're 16 now, Panic At The Everywhere." One of Virgil's fathers, Roman, mumbled - his eyes still on his husband Patton as if he couldn't look away. Patton was just sitting on the counter with a fake, innocent look on his face (the teen son knew his fathers were not innocent when together). "You've had adequate sex-ed in school right?"

"Abstinence education is a bitch, never mind that it's always straight." Both Roman and Patton giggled to each other, going into a lengthy kiss again as Roman's hips slid perfectly between Patton's legs. It was officially getting gross. "And I do not want you to teach me - bye bye."

Patton giggled excitedly as Virgil turned a corner while sipping his energy drink. "See ya kiddo! Tell me if anything's wrong and I'll be right with you!" 

"Please zip up your flies before you do that."

*****

Logan's story was much the same as Virgil's. He was the older child and also had the whole dads-in-cheesy-t-shirts-the-first-day-of-kindergarten deal but they didn't need to stalk him outside the entire day. He also had extravagant birthday parties until he requested small events with friends, and when he moved into college he got more cheesy t-shirts and hugs and 'I'm super proud of you kiddo'. And since then Logan travelled back home every holiday purely to spend more time with his interesting, but loving, family.

"What are they - 13?" Logan's baby brother Virgil came bursting through Logan's bedroom door as he sat on his bed writing an essay on moral philosophy. The teen was dressed in his normal purple hoodie and had his normal energy drink in hand as he collapsed on his older brother's bed.

"They're making out again?"

"More like spit swapping! It's so gross!" Virgil shouted back in response and covered his eyes as if he was witnessing it all over again. "Are they even as bad as college students? Surely not, they're way too touchy."

The soft sound of typing grounded Virgil into his situation again. "Pretty much the same to be honest. Feelings are always gross when sexual attraction is involved."

"Asexuality is a blessing and a curse." Virgil mumbled back and just smiled at his brother. Spit swapping was a common occurrence in this family and Virgil both adored and hated it.

*****

One of the first spit-swapping memories was when Virgil was in elementary school, possibly around ten years old, and it was in the kitchen as it always was. All Virgil wanted was to try some of the coffee Patton had just made because the small Virgil was a 'big boy now'. 

But Patton didn't have his tongue tasting coffee beans - they had a rather different flavour.

"That's super duper yucky!" Virgil shouted as he ran into the living room almost gagging, where his fourteen year old brother was sitting cross-legged on the sofa like a Buddhist monk and reading some old piece of Victorian literature. Logan just raised an eyebrow, then raised his head and nodded to himself as if he understood something.

"Well, it was about time you clocked that they were doing that." This time Virgil gave his brother a confused glance and sat next to him, trying to read the novel to see if it unleashed any unearthly secret but the language was too complicated for the nervous elementary schooler to understand.

"How long have they been doing that?"

"Since before I was born I guess? I don't know, only gained a consciousness about it in third grade." Logan spoke back nonchalantly, turning a page and focusing his eyes from his fingers to the words. "You're a little late to the figurative party but you possibly subconsciously knew about it and just didn't have the courage to ask me about it until now."

For a moment Virgil was just in silent thought as he sighed to himself in his predicament. He knew he didn't have normal parents but he didn't think they were this abnormal... Or was this just a normal Virgil didn't understand yet? 

"Do they actually like doing that?"

Logan laughed to himself and rolled his eyes. "Most definitely. If they didn't they'd stop." The teen had seemed to have spotted his little brother's confusion and placed his NASA bookmark in his book, closing it and crossing his arms over his chest. "Why do you ask?"

Virgil was only silent for a minute more. "Am I meant to want to do that?"

That question seemed to make Logan hesitate as he formulated what exactly to say and how to phrase it to be palatable to a naive ten year old. "Well, maybe not at your age. But soon you might get a desire to do that - I'll maybe give it three years." Virgil kept his eyes on his older brother as if he was speaking the gospel. "And you can want to do that with anyone. I know lots of people say you should want to fall in love with a girl right?" The elementary schooler nodded. "Well as you know from Dad and Dad you can want to do that with boys too - or people who are neither a boy or a girl - or you might not want to never do that with anyone and that's fine too." Logan's smile was so warm and genuine as he spoke that it made Virgil smile too. "You know I'll always accept you for you, right Verge?"

A squeak escaped Logan's vocal tract as he was attacked with a hug, and the hug made him laugh softly. "And our Dads will too of course bro. They accept us for everything."

*****

Virgil grumbled after he could hear the spit-swapping move up the stairs, followed by Patton's and Roman's whispered giggles as they made their way to the master bedroom while Virgil was still stuck in his brother's bedroom to escape the cringe. "We get it you're together!" Virgil playfully shouted, only heard by Logan though as he began to laugh. "I really thought they'd get bored of making out after over twenty years."

The teen took a big sip of his monster as the laughter died down around the house leading to a comfortable silence again. "Why didn't you tell me they were spit-swapping in the kitchen bro? I thought you had my back!"

"Did you not see me bring the coffee machine upstairs?" Logan responded with a soft smile, nudging towards the coffee machine that he indeed carried upstairs while Virgil was doing homework in the living room. They gave each other an acknowledgement nod when it actually happened but Virgil hadn't brought the puzzle pieces together on what his brother was exactly doing. Logan sipped his coffee nonchalantly and basked in the quiet before the moaning began.

"Gee... thanks for the warning L."