SidePack and friends One Shots

MiniStar

Vikk's POV

Depression is hard. It can never be perfectly explained. There is no real way to define or"Diagnose" Someone as being depressed and yet you know when you are. So many people get the wrong idea about it and it kills you inside. Only a few people actually know what's going on behind the scenes. And I would have liked to have kept it that way. It just makes it easier to deal with. They always have an excuse to say for me. Just in case I have that day where I want to be by myself. Or the internal battles and struggles are going on in my head. It's hard living with it. You pretend to be so happy on camera. And some days I genuinely am happy, and those days I try to milk that happiness as much as I can. The boys help me out as well. It's like when I'm happy. Everyone puts in so much more effort. We all get so many videos done we are almost a week ahead all the time. But it's all just temporary. Just a temporary high for a permanent low. Maybe depression isn't permanent but sometimes I think it is. When your in your lowest point. Anything is believable.

JJ: "Has he come out yet?"

I've been up for hours.But I don't know whether I want to talk to them. They might get the wrong idea. I don't want them to worry but at the same time. I can do my own videos. Can't I?

Josh: "I don't know yet.I only got up an hour ago."

JJ: "What if he just sits there and thinks about it? Not sure if he wants to or not. He might be ok right now but might not want to later. Or what if he just sits there and wants to do something but can't bring himself to choose something because he doesn't want to do anything. If he starts something he will get bored or sick of it and want to change his mind."

It was dead silent. I looked up at my computer and noticed I had been looking at my steam library for a good half an hour. I remember when I told Josh. And he gave me a specific time to come out of my room if I was ready to do anything. Which was usually 12. Enough time to sleep if I had a late night. Yet still early enough to do anything while the suns in the sky.

Josh: "He would tell us wouldn't he?"

JJ: "If he hasn't left his room then probably not."

It's not that easy to explain guys. I wish I could tell them. But then they would never leave me alone. I like my privacy. It left me alone with my thoughts.I sometimes liked to stay by myself and not bother anyone else. I spun in my chair and looked around my room before just laying down on my bed. I wish it wasn't so damn loud though.

Josh: "At least we know he was out of his bed."

JJ: "We can't just leave him in there. What if we just bring him out with us? Talk to him. Or something I don't know."

Josh: "You mean distract him?"

JJ: "When was the last time he came out of his room? We can't keep telling people he is just ill. They are starting to figure shit out on their own."

I tried so hard to keep that part of me a secret. I didn't want anyone to know about the depression. I didn't want them to know about anything that happens.All they need to see is the videos I make.

Simon: "Leave him alone guys. And stop standing in front of his door. It's fucking creepy. If he's awake he can hear everything you guys are saying. Now fuck off.Josh I thought you would know better."

I heard foot steps scattering away before a knock on the door.

Simon: "Vikk I'm not going to ask you to open the door. And I'm not going to ask if you want to talk. I just got rid of JJ and Josh for you. If you need anything just text me and I'll help you out ok?"