SidePack and friends One Shots

One Line

Have you ever felt like you don't belong? Ever felt like no matter how hard you tried to prove your worth. No one ever really cared or would constantly try to deter you and put you on a different path. Yeah well it's starting to really piss me off. I understand my channel is semi popular. I get that i haven't uploaded in a while. And i understand that people do eventually rely on those videos for whatever reason. And yet i can't do it anymore. Constantly feeling like your never good enough. Feeling like you can't push yourself for new and different things in the world.

Lachlan: "Don't feel like you have to do anything alright? You do what you need to do. What you feel makes you happy."

Jay: "It's not that simple Lachy. I tried so hard to give myself the chance to do something different with my life. Why can't I try and make myself happy and pursue something different?"

Lachlan: "You can though. Jay you know I'm always going to be here to help you no matter what."

Jay: "Yeah but."

I kept thinking back on my channel. I haven't done anything with it in so long. I'm surprised so many people even still stay subscribed to my channel. I can't bring myself to do something about it though.

Lachlan: "How are your exams going?"

Jay: "What?"

Lachlan: "Your exams. Are you on top of everything? Done enough revision?"

Jay: "I'm not a kid Lachlan."

Lachlan: "Well maybe you should start thinking that way?"

Jay: "I don't get what you mean."

Lachlan: "Everyone is treating you like a kid. Trying to force the study on you and get a real job. Saying YouTube won't do anything for you. Even though I'm living proof it does. I don't care about what you want to do. Because I'm going to be here to help you through it. Whether you need someone to record with. Or whether you need someone to help you study. Even if you want to completely change your channel up. The only thing I'm worried about. Is that you will change your channel. And find something different to do. But then in the end decide to just stop altogether. That's all I'm worried about. I never did like seeing you so upset."

I watched as he slowly started to move as he spoke. He slowly sat in my lap facing me. Almost straddling me while he lifted his arms to my cheeks. I could see deep into his clear blue eyes as the words he spoke rung through my head. He was right. I needed to make this decision on my own didn't I? I can't keep letting everyone dictate my life. The world is changing. And it's not the same anymore. Studying and getting a good degree is great. But at the same time. I don't know if it's what i want to do. Hell i don't even know if YouTube is what i want to do. I can't be consistent with it at the moment because of my course. But even if i finished that. Would i even have the motivation to keep going.

Lachlan: "Jay?"

Jay: "What's up baby?"

Lachlan: "I can see you thinking. Thinking through every possible solution. Trying to think of the best approach. But you need to understand that you can't always do what everyone wants. And still be happy. Sometimes you need to be selfish. Say fuck the world and do what you want to do. It's hard at first i know but I wouldn't be in this situation if I wasn't."

I knew he was just trying to make me feel better. But I couldn't stop myself thinking. He was trying so hard to get me out of this train of thought. Out of this loop of going back and forwards in my head trying to figure out the best solution. And yet i kept falling back on him. Lachlan was the only thing i could keep in my head that made me happy. He was the only thing i was so sure of. He still held my cheeks in his hands as he was mere inches from me. I closed the gap between us. Needing to feel the love from him. I felt his soft lips on my own. Our bodies moving as if one. His hands never left my face but my hand came up and ran through his hair. I stayed where i was for a little bit. Just feeling him on top of me. Showing me that his care and affection lingered around me. He made me so happy. So why was i not sure anymore. I don't want my thoughts to start pushing him away. It's already hard enough as it is between classes and youtube. I can't lose him. I hadn't realised i had been crying until i felt him wipe the tears from my cheek. As he pulled away he looked at me so softly. He looked at me with such conviction.a nd such happiness that i wanted to cry. Everything was breaking down. My walls. My defences. I can't keep doing this can I?

Jay: "Please don't leave me Lachlan."

I saw his face widen in surprise at my words. He just looked at me confused befoee his face fell and his features softened.

Lachlan: "Jay i promise you. I am never going to let you go. I love you so much and i can assure you that i will never leave. Yeah i know i travel a lot. And i know that I'm not always here to help you. But please trust me I'm always just a.message away. No matter what. At any time I'm going to be here to help. Please don't ever think that I'm not going to be here for you. You know how much i love you and i will tell you every day. For as long as you love me Jay."

I could feel my tears stinging my eyes as he spoke. I love him so much. But my head started to cloud my vision. When he said he goes overseas a lot. I couldn't help but think about him on top of Vikk. Or him beneath Rob. Or in Landon or Prestons arms. Between mitch and Jerome and i hated myself. I pushed him off me as i bolted up from my position and ran as fast as i could to my bathroom.

Lachlan: "JAY PLEASE LISTEN TO ME. PLEASE OPEN UP!"

I heard him bashing on the door. But he wouldn't love me. No one does. I'm always on my own. I'm supposed to be on my own. No one really cares about me. They just say they do so that I'm smiling and forget about anything bad that might have happened.

Jay: Lachlan..."

Lachlan: "Jay please. I love you more then you will ever know. More then anything in the world."

Jay: "Your going to leave me. Leave me for Vikk, Or Rob, Or any of the americans. Your always with them. Your going to leave me for them. I hate you. Why would you lie to me."

Lachlan: "JAY PLEASE I WOULD NEVER LIE TO YOU! I WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING. TO HURT YOU. PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!"

Jay: "You hate me. I'm a burden. I should just leave you alone. Please just leave. Just forget. I'm not worth it."

Lachlan: "I know what your thinking Jay. Please don't. I love you so much. You make me so happy and I'm always happy to come home so i can see you. See your beautiful smile. Hold you in my arms."

I looked around the bathroom and saw the metal object on the surface. I don't know why Lachlan kept it out. It didn't make sense.

Lachlan: "Jay i beg you. Please."

He doesn't love me. He doesn't care. No one does. No one cares. I picked up the blade as it reflected the light into my eyes. It looked. Inviting. As if it was calling to me. One line. That's all that was required.

Lachlan: "JAY FOR FUCK SAKE OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!"

One line. That's all that's needed.