TBS imagines

Benny-Every peice of me

A/n: This story is based of Billie Eilish's song Bored, so you could try listening to the song while reading ( I already tried and It it hits different so I recommend👍). Just a short warning, very sad.
Trigger warning!: Depression, suicide.

Benny Watts was a good friend of mine. I lived in the apartments above him and offered to look after his apartment while he went away fro his trip. Ever since then I've been helping him out and I considered him a friend for years now.

But sometimes, I just wanted more.

Benny was an attractive man, there was no doubt about that. But he was also funny, kind, understanding, there was so much more to him than just his looks.

And I fell for that.

I went down to his apartment when he was away on work trips and cleaned it up for him. I did his dishes, his laundry, I cleaned everything.

"Thanks Y/n, I appreciate it" He thanked me.

I saved up some money for a little while to purchase him some proper furniture as I knew he struggled with money so bought him a proper sofa.

Because I likes him so much.

But he never seemed to notice it.

Whenever he was feeling down, I was always there with a bowel of soup to make him feel better.

I did everything for him. Devoted every inch of love I had for him.

But his eyes where never drawn to me.

He always looked at Beth.

He saw how intelligent she was, how similar she was to him. How alike they thought about chess, their greed to succeed.

He saw himself in her and I think that's why he felt so drawn to her.

But just because they are similar to eachother, doesn't necessarily mean they'd be good for eachother, right?

I tried to explain this to him.

"Benny, I know you and Beth both play chess but that doesn't mean you need to be with her"

But every time, he didn't listen.

"Our minds work the same way, I feel happy around her"

Why didn't he feel happy around me? I've known him for much longer than he's ever known her.

I tried to get even closer to him. I baked him food, helped him with work, stayed late at his and visited him almost every day.

I even went with him to one of his tournaments. It was amazing! We had meals together every night, we talked for hours and spent almost every second of every day together.

But just as I began to think he might have started to look at me differently.

He saw her again.

And I'll never forget the gleam in his eyes when he saw her. The way he looked at her, the way I wanted him to look at me. As if he was a million miles away.

And he was, a million miles away from me.

I realised, it didn't matter what I did, how much I cared for him, he'd never see me as more than just a friend.

After that, I became severely depressed. I never left my house, I couldn't eat without feeling like I needed to puke. Some days, I would just lay in bed and stare up at the ceiling expecting something to change. The misery never went away. He didn't come visit me either, for a while.

When he did, he found me lying on my bathroom floor, with my wrists slit. Blood, trickling down my arms.

He grabbed a hold of me and repeatedly told me to 'stay with him'.

I blacked out and woke back up in the hospital. Benny was there, he stayed with me to look after me, so I wasn't lonely.

I felt a bit better. Until he told me he was dating Beth.

The whole world collapsed into an empty black abyss. The pain came flooding back again and I wanted to scream until my lungs gave up.

But I just smiled, and told him I was happy for him.

I got out of the hospital, got put on antidepressants and lived on. Despite being back to normal, I never felt the same. I couldn't. I tried to put on a smile around them, tell them I was ok. But in reality I was dying inside.

I avoided seeing Benny, because every time I saw him she was there. And I didn't want to see how happy he was with her, while I died.

Now, I stand, watching them stand hand in hand. Beth in a gorgeous pearl, white dress. Benny in his best suit. As they both said I do. And kissed.

My heart smashed into a thousand pieces.

I went home, and cried for the first time over him. All that sorrow I had bottled up, just came rushing out.

I would never be able to have Benny, because I gave him every piece of me, and he gave every peice of him, to Beth.