Oh, We Are Married?

OWAM (3) Hurt

"How the fuck can you forget about the gala?"

Lisa asks furiously as she throws her damn expensive Celine bag on the floor. There's fire behind her eyes and venom inside her every word. Roseanne swallows thickly. It's her fault to be precise, Lisa has reminded her far too many times about the event her company will be hosting, and they even went to the clothes fitting together, last week. 

But it's not her fault, Roseanne mumbles again to herself. Her baby is sick and there's no way she'd leave them under the nanny's care. She's a mom and it's a mom's job to always be there for her kids. Furrowing her eyebrows, she looks back at Lisa with the same intensity that the Thai gives her. She knows that it takes only two words and seven letters to fix the goddamn situation back, but her stubbornness wouldn't let the word slips off her throat today. 

So, she clenches her jaws together, hitching her breath. For once, everything feels so fragile in the room. Especially Lisa. Her eyes bear an expression of hurt more than anger. And Roseanne hates to see that. She hates knowing that she hurts the Thai when all she wants to do is to love her. 

Always.

She promises her an always, doesn't she?

"It's not a big deal" Roseanne shuts her eyes as the words escape her mouth and for once, she knows damn sure that this would be the beginning of their fight. Because the blonde is too proud to even mumble a simple sorry and because the word that just left her mouth tastes weird and bitter and even she dislikes the tone she has put along with such thought. 

Lisa stares at her. Her anger is on the verge of erupting to further chaos. 

"What did you say?"

Lisa asks, her voice sounds strained. "What the fuck did you just say?" she repeats, eyeing the blonde directly in her eyes. "That it's not a big deal?" she asks again before laughing sarcastically. "Funny, Roseanne. Because that's not so big deal of an event to you" she pauses, preparing to inject some venom further into her words before she spits them all to Roseanne. 

"Just gave me millions enough for the company to function. And yet still, it remains nothing to you"

"Lisa" she stops her wife before the feud gets more ridiculous. "I don't get it. What do you want me to say? I forgot about the event. And it has already ended. What more do you want me to do? Begging at your feet, apologizing?"

"Don't make me say it" Lisa threatens. "Don't make me fucking say it, Roseanne"

"You know what" the blonde turns her back against Lisa, ready to march to their shared bedroom. "I'm gonna pretend like we never had this type of conversation because you're angry and your mind doesn't function well when you are crazy"

"Call me crazy one more time and I'm gonna make you regret it"

"Oh," the blonde pauses in her track as she turns to look at Lisa again with a stoic face. "What are you going to do then?" she asks before her eyes fall down to Lisa's trembling palm. "Are you gonna slap me? Are you gonna slap me, Lisa?"

"Don't fucking tempt me" the Thai hisses. "Don't fucking tempt me, Roseanne"

"Alright" Roseanne throws her hands in the air. "Fucking hit me then. Fucking slap me, slap me as much as you want Lisa. That's what you intend to do, isn't it?"

"This is ridiculous," Lisa says grumpily as she turns on her heels and aims for the exit. But her wife pulls her arm, stopping her from walking away. 

"Don't fucking walk away" 

Roseanne's voice cracks and she hates herself at the moment when Lisa turns around and their eyes meet. "If you really want to slap me" she bites her lower lip and swallows her pain before meeting the brown orbs that have become her favorite. "Do it now"

"What have we become?"

Lisa asks quietly as her anger subsides and her pain intensifies. "What have we both really become, Roseanne?"

"I have become a mom," the blonde says. "A mom, Lisa"

"Does that" the Thai stifles her sobs as she looks away, pressing her lips together before releasing them back seconds later when her emotion is stabilized. "Mean that I'm not your world anymore?"

"It's not like that"

Roseanne pinches the bridge of her nose. "I love you. I always love you. But this version of you? This selfish one? I can't find even find a small part of me to love it, Lisa"

"I lost you"

Lisa says genuinely. "I don't know how. I don't know when. I just lost you when I realize. When I hold your hand and it doesn't give me the same spark you used to give me before. I'm scared. I see you, Roseanne. But you're not there anymore. You have changed. And it hurts because I'm the only one who remains the same"

"Lisa, you're being ridiculous"

"I am not"

"Yes, you are" the blonde insists. "And for the record, nothing changed. Everything is still the same" she holds the Thai's hand and intertwines it with her. "I am still the same Roseanne. And you are still the same Lisa. We love each other" 

"No" Lisa shakes her head. "We used to"

"Dammit, Lisa" she screams. "I don't like this version of you. What the fuck is going on?"

"The fuck that's going on" Lisa yells as tears fall down her cheeks. "Is that you changed. You fucking changed when you promised me you wouldn't"

"I don't change"

"You don't look at me the way you used to" Lisa begins. "And you don't love me the way I love you anymore. It hurts, Roseanne. It hurts because I miss you and while you are here, you're not my Roseanne anymore. You're just a Roseanne who has become a stranger to me" 

"Lisa"

"No" Lisa takes a deep breath. "I can't deal with this at the moment. I need to go out"

"Lisa, we have to talk" Roseanne urges but the Thai shakes her head and reaches for her car key. 

She wants to talk. But certainly not now. Not when she's breaking apart. 

•••

vote if you like. I pity lisa 😔