A C T O R S || OS 02

48. Daniel Bruhl/Zemo | To Stay

By : rumblelibrary | Tumblr

Word count: 1.9k

Warnings: mention of depression

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When Helmut entered your apartment, holding a white little box in his gloved hand he tried hard to make sure to be extra quiet.
He was out for some meetings trip, knowing both the politics and the underground ways of the world made him extremely dangerous, but also extremely busy to keep the reins of all his businesses, forcing him to leave you alone more than he wanted.

Lately you have been growing distant, but you worked a lot, you were always onto some personal or work project, so he imagined you were just tired. When he called you, you always sounded tired, sleepy or at least that's what you said to him.

He looked down at the white box in his hand proudly as he wanted indeed to give you a little treat, he left it on side taking off his coat and gloves before noticing a soft light in the living room.

He moved instinctively, the left hand on his side grasping his gun, the fear that somebody could ever hurt you, no matter all the precautions he took, always hunting him.

He moved quickly along the wall, peaking in only to see your leg hanging out of the couch, the tv turned on but with no sound.

He frowned, it was the middle of the night, maybe you fell asleep. Not sure about his own intuition he moved along the couch finding you awake, your eyes looking puffy but, more than that, empty.

"Y/N"

You jolted up seeing him

"Helmut"

Your words died in your mouth, you wanted to say something, anything, you smiled but your smile was empty, you could feel it but you couldn't force it more than that.

"Welcome back"

You said as a new wave of hatred for yourself hit on you. He was back from his business travel, he could have never come back, you could at least show some more passion, excitement, anything, But it all died on you as soon as you tried, you felt numb inside, heavy.

You parted your lips, you felt your mouth dry as you opened it a bit mimicking the presence of words that were not there and resulted in just a "I am sorry"

To see you like this was pure torture to his eyes, who dared to reduce you in this way? The confusion and part of anger took over in his chest, but he sat down beside you.

"My love, what happened? " he asked without many twirls of words, his hand touching onto your ankle as you sat on your side, facing you.

You were stiff under his touch, something was pushing him away within you.

"I... I don't know, I mean it feels all too much"

A thorn dipped inside his stomach as you said that, his eyes scanning yours silently urging you to continue, to try make him understand

"It is not today" you admitted "it is not you, it is just, it is too much, I have this sense of emptiness, of loss inside, and it keeps growing and I can't enjoy anything" you continued, tears teasing your eyes as you looked on your right trying to avoid his gaze. Maybe if you avoided it long enough the tears would disappear or maybe he won't at least not notice how hard it was for you to hod them back.

"I feel like I am grazing through the surface, like there's something forbidden, something I can't grasp and it hurts and no matter how much I do, how much I work, how much I study, buy new things, pamper myself, I feel like there's a void in me that can't be filled, a flaw that I can't reach, that I can't hide or cure and everyday it grows through me and it is so strong and visible, and I feel like.."