A C T O R S || OS 02

115. Keanu Reeves | Don't Go

By : fortheloveoffanfic | Tumblr

Keanu Reeves x Reader. (Requested) A/n- this was sort of difficult to write, considering that suicide that even now,\ is an extremely sensitive topic, but I hope it's been done justice and that no one has been offended or otherwise. Warning- Direct mentions of suicide and attempted suicide, depressed reader.

"You could have it all, my empire of dirt," - Nine inch Nails.

Y/n sat on the balcony of her hotel room, leaning on the railing, looking down at the busy New York streets below. It all seemed so alive, a stark contrast to the way she had been feeling of late. The familiar feeling of hopeless despair welled up in her chest again,creating a tightness like none other. Gasping for breath, holding back burning tears, Y/n was left light headed with the realization of just how much she had spiraled.

Just a couple months ago, she had travelled to New York, all bright eyed and busy tailed, on her way to start filming for a role that was supposed to be her big break. She was cast as the lead of a independent film, a drama alongside a Hollywood legend, Keanu Reeves. It was levels above one off characters in small televisions series, from being waitress #5 in a romantic comedy and an extra that no one would notice. The role was supposed to be Y/n's way out of her vicious cycle of self pity and wallowing in what could be. The chance for her dreams to become her reality. Her opportunity to prove everyone wrong, prove that she could do this, that her dream meant something, that she hadn't dropped out of college for nothing. This role had meant everything to her. But now it was gone.

Y/n had gotten the call just over a week ago, from the director, telling her that there was problem with funding, they were cancelling production and the movie was no more. The news had knocked the air right out of her, left her dropping down on to the nearest surface, offering a chocked goodbye as the line disconnected. Just like that her dreams were ruined and suddenly everyone who told her that she would never make it as an actress was right. The industry was cut throat, ever changing and unstable. Faces were forgotten, jobs went as fast as they came and not everyone was cut out for it. What made her think that she was?

After that night, Y/n had slowly slipped into a state of disconnection that had only worsened her hurt. She stayed in the hotel that she could barely afford, probably racking up a debt that would send her scouting for any job that would pay at the very least, minimum wage, stopped taking her medication, she had ignored every text and phone call and had disappeared from social media. Y/n had ghosted life, taken a temporary check out. Until tonight, when she planned make her absence more....permeant.

Leaning over to the coffee table, Y/n grabbed up her phone, turning it on for the first time this week, opening up the messaging app. After selecting a few contacts, not a lot a couple close friends; her best friend who she had met in high school, a cousin back home who she was particularly close to and the man who had proven to be a great addition to her life, even if she had only known him for a few months, they had grown so close that it felt wrong to not offer him one final good bye, especially since he had spent the better part of the week trying to reach her; Keanu. Y/n's fingers hovered over the screen, and then she typed.

Hey, I know its been a while since we've last spoken and I'm so sorry that I've been difficult to reach. Things have been hard, but I've finally realized what I have to do. What I need to do. I love you, and I'm so grateful for everything you've given me. You've been such a great friend, a diamond in the rough and I wouldn't have made it this far without you. But I'm starting to think this far is far enough. I can't go any further, I won't.

As Y/n continued to type, her breath caught in a sob as her eyes blurred with tears. She was really going to do this. She didn't want to, but at this point, a definite end seemed like to only remedy to the breath stealing pain in her center.