Officer Shepherd✔️

lying

I woke the next morning... then I remember last night and everything I said. and the job... I lied there was no job, but the entire day he was annoying me, asking me if I was okay over and over, wanting to go everywhere making sure I was okay.

I understand that he cares about me but the hovering gets tiring when he does soo much. and all the things I said to him were horrible but it was the only way to make the job offer sound real. something I've been doing for years, hurting people I love when they care.

I get of bed and look around the room, there's clothes everywhere. I walked over them and into the bathroom. I take a shower and get dressed into a floral dress and curl my hair, I put in it a half up and half down style and add some bobby pins and hairclips.

I go out of my room and look into the living room, Derek's asleep on the couch. I walk over to him and notice the tear stains on his cheeks. I sigh. I lean down and kiss him on the forehead, letting my lips linger.

I stand straight again and go into the kitchen to make breakfast. after I finished I made two plates and place them on the table. I walk back over to the couch.  I crouch down and rub his cheek with my thumb and kiss his forehead.

"Derek, it's time to wake up, baby. it's morning," I whisper. he slowly stirs awake. I stand back up. "I made breakfast If you're hungry," I say, running my fingers through his hair before I walk back over to the table.

I sit at the table as he tiredly stands up. "are you okay? you look a little warm," I ask as I take a bite of my food. "is it warm in here?" he asks. "I feel fine, but I just woke up so it might be warmer to me then you," I say.

"I'm sorry, I didn't even realize I fell asleep last night when you went to your room," he says rubbing his head. "it's fine, Derek. if anything I should be sorry. sit. come eat maybe it'll make you feel a bit better," I say.

he looks at me to tell if I'm serious or not. I nod, he walks over to the table and sits down across from me. we eat in silence for a bit before I stop and look at him. "about last... everything I said I didn't mean, I was upset and it was in the heat of the moment which doesn't justify it... but I am very sorry," I say.

"it's fine... you should take the job," he says. "... that's the thing... there is no job... I'm very sorry, Derek. I know you were only worried about me after what happened with Andrew and you weren't trying to hover... there is no job, Der. I know it was wrong lying to just make you upset and when I saw you crying I wanted to tell you it wasn't true but it was late and I was tired... I'm very sorry, Derek," I say.

"you made up a job just to hurt me?" he asks looking at me with hurt in his eyes. "it's horrible I know. in the moment... I thought that all the pain I went through when we were together would justify last night but it doesn't, I'm sorry,"

"why wou-how would that have made you feel better?" he says. "I don't know, when I'm mad I do and say horrible things and then I regret the second after I did it," I said. "do you do this to everybody?" he asks.

"yes, unfortunately, yes. you can finish your breakfast and if you want to leave you want, which I wouldn't blame you," I say, rubbing his hand before taking it off quickly. "I thought we were getting better," he says quietly. "we were, and I ruined and I don't know why, I do love you but I have the habit of pushing away people when I most need them... and after everything with Andrew it was harder to not... break so I didn't want you asking questions and the more I remembered it I wanted to cry and I hate crying," I say.

he doesn't saying other then nod. I finished my breakfast. and take the dishes to the sink. "I have work in a few hours... I still want to talk about this... even if it won't help I don't want you thinking this is your fault because you didn't do anything wrong," I say.

I kiss him on the head before I grab my things and leave for work.

***

I get home from work. I walk through the front door and see all the lights are off Derek must have left hours ago for his work. I turn the lights on and place my things down and walk into the kitchen. I grab a bottle of water from the fridge and I hear a noise.

"Meredith Ellis Grey," I hear Andrew say as he walks into the kitchen. "how did you get in here?" I ask. "the door wasn't locked," he shrugs. why didn't Derek lock the door on his way out?  "what do you want, Andrew?"

"you know," he says walking closer to me. I place the water bottle on the counter and take a step back. "Meredith, I saw your car parked outside and I wanted to come check on..." I hear Derek say as he walks through the door.

"what the hell is he doing here?" he asks me pointing to Andrew. "I don't know, he was here when I got here," I say. "Meredith... leave," Derek says. "what? why?" I say. "just leave, Meredith, leave," he tells me firmly.

"fine," I sigh. I grab my water and grab some food from the pantry and go to my room.